Month: September 2019

Fear of Not Being Like Them

If you can’t get over your fear of not doing it as well as they do, you’ll never have the opportunity to be a trail blazer for someone else. – Rachel Hollis, Girl, Stop Apologizing I have a lot of fears in life. I was pretty much only taught how to be fearful. I have let most of my life been run by my … Read More Fear of Not Being Like Them

I Will Never….

…be able to run again. Those were the first thoughts I had when I sat in my chair to do my Start Today journaling. My first thoughts were about what I don’t have and won’t have the rest of my life. Most of us are wired like this. We are wired to see the negative in absolutely everything. It is more difficult to see … Read More I Will Never….

Hiding

If you will not reveal yourself to others, you cannot reveal yourself to yourself. Jordan B. Peterson I have been hiding for many years. In fact, I have been hiding for so long, that I am only beginning to learn who I truly am and what I truly want from life. I hid from everyone else because I’m ashamed of my childhood. I hid … Read More Hiding

I Am Not Emotional

I have spent so much of my life running and hiding from emotions. I prided myself on being a hardass who didn’t get emotional. I essentially prided myself on being dead inside. But I wasn’t dead. I took all of those emotions and I locked them up behind walls never to be found again. Except those walls crumbled. And now I am no longer … Read More I Am Not Emotional

Feeling

Feelings are something that I’ve had a love/hate relationship with for my entire life. For most of my life, I haven’t wanted to feel. I just wanted to be. I built up walls so absolutely strong that nothing could break them down. Until they did crumble. At some point during my childhood, I learned how not to feel. Not to feel the pain of … Read More Feeling

When Alcohol is Love

As I started reading the chapter When Food is Love in The Soul Frequency by Shanna Lee, I immediately had light bulbs going off and bells dinging all around my mind. I’m pretty sure it all started with just the title of the chapter. I had my last drink of alcohol 45 days ago. Since then I’ve done really well. Until this last week. I wanted … Read More When Alcohol is Love

Because I Want To

A few weeks ago I was on a camping trip with family and friends and wanted to go hike to this cave that was along the road. It wasn’t a big cave and didn’t have an established hike, but it looked cool. My friend and I went to scope it out and see if it was even possible to hike to. Yes, it was. … Read More Because I Want To

Deflated But Not Defeated

I had a reality check last week that set me down a dark path. I decided to give myself one week to wallow in this path before I checked myself. I never once stopped to consider that I might not ever return to full physical capacity again. Well, my version of full physical capacity. That notion never crossed my mind. I didn’t consider any … Read More Deflated But Not Defeated