Judging Myself

All of my life I have wanted to be taken seriously. I stopped playing with toys quickly. I didn’t want to wear anything that resembled cartoon characters I liked. I stopped watching animated movies. I wanted to be mature and smart. But I never judged anybody who wore character clothing or watched animated movies. I just judged myself. After all, we are our own worst critic.

I was envious of people who wore character clothing with pride. I was envious of people who enjoyed animated movies. I was envious of people who proudly talked about, shared, or whatever their favorite characters or theme parks. I didn’t know why they could be so cool to be taken seriously and still love animated characters. I mean, I’ve always loved Mickey Mouse (yes, Mickey, not Minnie), but I kept that buried.

This past year I decided to take my envy and become the person I watched. I am a mature grown-ass woman who loves Mickey Mouse. I proudly went to Disney World with Eddie for a vacation and we don’t have kids!! I bought Minnie ears and proudly wore them each day we were there. I bought a sweater with the theme park name, a new Mickey ornament, and an apron with Mickey Mouse all over it.

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I don’t know where the hell I got it in my head that I couldn’t be mature and taken seriously if I proudly wore anything of an animated or movie character. What I do know is that it was probably because I tried to set myself apart from other children so I could be the smart kid. I can be smart and love and wear Mickey Mouse.

What do you refrain from doing or wearing because you are afraid of judgment? Is anybody actually judging you or are you judging yourself?

I was judging myself. I have judged myself for most of my life. It is a weird feeling of relief when I realized I was the only one who had a problem with my love of Mickey. I was the one who was holding myself back. I now proudly wear my Mickey Mouse whenever I cook something that might ruin my clothes. My Christmas tree is a mix of blue, silver, Swarovski, and Mickey. My Disney World sweater is warm as fuck and I wear it when I want, where I want.

You do you girl. Keep being imperfect my warriors!!

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