Do I Belong?

Empaths tend to have a difficult time feeling as though they fit in. To make it even worse, we also tend to isolate ourselves. Together, these two things keep us in this constant feeling of being lost. At least that is how I interpret the feeling.

For about 99 percent of my life I have tried to fit in. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to have a group of friends like everyone else did. I wanted to share clothes with my friends. I wanted sleepovers like the movies portrayed. I wanted a really close extended family. I constantly morphed myself to fit in. It was almost like that was the only thing I was focused on; as if once I fit in I would finally be happy.

I still struggle with wanting to fit in, with wanting all of these feelings, but now I realize that my life is my life and I can have some or all of that without necessarily fitting in. Yes, I still feel as though I don’t fit in with specific groups or people, but that is okay. We, I, don’t have to fit in with absolutely everybody we, I, interact with or share DNA with.

With learning that I don’t have to fit in to have what I want out of relationships, I’ve also learned that it is absolutely fine if I really don’t want to do that thing or go to that party. If I want to stay home alone and have more me time, who cares. As a child I really enjoyed doing my own thing. I would play by myself outside or read by myself inside. As an teenager and adult I pushed myself to always be available and to always do everything that could possibly come up.

Until recently. I have started saying no to events or things that I simply do not want to do. I have started spending more and more time alone. Eddie went to help his cousin bring back furniture from his parents over a long weekend and I took that entire weekend to myself. I have a vacation coming up that has lost all of it’s original plans and I now plan to spend most of that week primarily by myself.

For some people isolation is hell, they simply don’t know what to do with themselves without people around. I am not one of those people. I am so much more inspired and energetic when I am on my own time and my own schedule. Isolation is generally pure bliss to me.

It’s odd how two of the qualities of being an empath are so different. With feeling as though we don’t fit in, the feeling is about being with other people. With needing or enjoying isolation, the feeling is about being alone. In my experience, this is an internal fight that we each battle, sometimes on a daily basis. We really want to go to that BBQ, but we really want to stay home and read this book…alone. We Sometimes really want to go do something with a few people or a big crowd, but then need to isolate after to decompress. It’s a battle we fight and an internal battle that will never be conquered for life. This battle can only be won or lost in each individual situation.

We empaths can both want to fit in and want to isolate. Regardless of where we are today, we belong in that place. Whether we are fitting in or we are isolating, that is where we belong at that moment.

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