When we think of alcohol, we think of many types as well as different types of people who drink it. When someone talks about alcohol like I’m about to, I get uncomfortable. And that’s why I’m sharing this with you.
A little history:
I grew up in a home with a drug addict, alcoholic father and a pill addicted, maybe alcoholic mother. I don’t know whether to say my mother was alcoholic because I can’t say for sure that she couldn’t stop drinking or that she had the need for it like my father.
I started drinking when I was 14. First, one of my friends would steal vodka from her dad with the good old water trick. Then, as I started hanging out with more and more of the wrong crowd, I started drinking with them. I drank pretty heavily for many years.
Alcohol is how I came out of my introvert shell and made “friends”. I let loose and just had fun. Alcohol helped me to not worry about people-pleasing as much. Alcohol helped me when I was lonely. Alcohol was a friend.
I did a lot of dumb shit with alcohol, including regularly drinking and driving. My parents ALWAYS drove no matter how much they had to drink. It was normal. Eddie actually helped break me of this and I am eternally grateful.
Over the past few years, I haven’t been as carefree with alcohol. There are definitely times that I did have a ton of fun and let loose, but it became more and more frequent that something would trigger an emotional breakdown. Usually it happened a few drinks in. And it would happen when I wasn’t drinking too. It wasn’t until I stopped drinking completely for my surgery that I noticed this happening. It was like a weight had been lifted that I didn’t even know I had.
I thought it was my hormones that were causing this roller coaster of emotions. I had attributed it to my monthly cycle and the synthetic hormones from IVF completely messing me up. I’ve even been working with a doctor and taking hormones to try to regulate them.
I didn’t notice this change right away. It took me slowly allowing alcohol back into my life more consistently. I noticed it and decided to quit. I was going to quit drinking completely.
But, I missed the taste. So I would be really good some times and just imbibe other times. Then I realized that my hips started hurting again, but only after having a few drinks the day before. Every break of a week or so of not drinking cleared up the joint pain and I felt clearer emotionally.
Once I connected the joint pain and did a little research to learn there is something called inflammatory arthritis, I decided I was done. I don’t know that I have this inflammatory arthritis condition, but it could be possible and it could explain my physically reaction to alcohol.
I gave myself two more days of enjoying alcohol and then I would quit for good.
I don’t consider myself an alcoholic because I don’t need it. I just really do love the flavor. But, I can adjust my mindset on loving the flavor of wine and mixed drinks by doing exactly what I did to quit Dr. Pepper – it hurts me and if I have a drink, I will be in pain. I did the same thing when I eliminated gluten from my diet with the Celiac diagnosis.
It is about my mind control and knowing what is good and what isn’t. I’ve done it before and I’m going to do it again.
But not drinking is the easy part. The difficult part is reprogramming both myself and my family and friends to not expect me to be drinking with them at all of the functions where we all drink. It is the social aspect.
Stay tuned for Alcohol Part Two