Assumptions are my kryptonite. I frequently devise my own assumptions before I know truth. I have always battled my assumptions and I assume I always will.
An assumption is defined as something that is accepted as true or certain to happen without proof.
My assumptions are what Eddie and I disagree over the most. Eddie pretty much doesn’t ever assume anything. I tend to assume everything.
One of my most frequent assumptions, regardless of who is in question, is that a person is mad at me. Sometimes it is even that I assume the person is angry at me. Or ashamed of me. Embarrassed by me. Hates me.
If you were to name any person in my family or friend group, at any point in time, I could tell you what I assume they feel about me. It isn’t just the assumption that is the problem though. The problem is how I react to that assumption.
My assumptions are always causing me problems. I am starting to realize that my main love language is words of affirmation. I believe that because I pretty much never hear words of affirmation from a person, they are mad at me or worse. I think that I connect never hearing good things from people with negativity.
This is a learned behavior. Learned as a child. Never corrected. Just identified. Literally. Just. Identified.
I saw the quote “Assumptions are the termites of relationships” from Henry Winkler this morning. I knew I had to talk about it. I sat to write this post and had no idea where I was going with it. I wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted, again and again. Then I started writing and got to a couple paragraphs above. It just flowed.
I finished listening to The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman this morning. I’ve been trying to figure out my primary love language and I think I just did.
I need to hear from my husband, my family, or my friends that they love me. And I need to hear it often. Some would call it needy. Prior to listening to The 5 Love Languages, I would have agreed. Now I know that is normal to need to hear words of affirmation. It is normal to not feel loved if I don’t hear it.
When I don’t hear words of affirmation, I jump to negative assumptions. These negative assumptions dictate how I act around and interact with people. I make it worse for myself because I start an interaction off with a negative tone.
My assumptions are eating away at relationships that I have. A little here. A little there. Little termites eating away at each and every relationship.
What I need to do now, is pay attention to each assumption I have and meditate on it to determine if that thought is truly an assumption or if it is the truth. I need to focus on my day-to-day relationships, then work on the relationships with those that I see often, then those that I see less often.
I can see how I can improve relationships that I have put a strain on. I can adjust my assumptions and adjust my expectations based on those assumptions.
I will not let my assumptions control my relationships any longer. I am going to take control of my assumptions. I have to.