What is Failing Imperfectly?

I brought my dream of sharing life with you to life on June 12, 2018 after many other iterations that I grew out of. Over the past two years, I have been inconsistent and more recently, consistent at sharing my thoughts and learnings with you. I’ve hit heavy topics and I’ve danced around topics. I’ve played it safe and I’ve let it all hang out there. Over these past two years, I haven’t sat down to work out a clear vision of where I want Failing Imperfectly to go. I’ve dawdled around with what felt right, never having a clear goal in mind. Until now…

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Body Image

Body image is something that we, as women, seem destined to always struggle with. No matter what is going on in society any given year, comments on a woman’s body are always a thing. To me, the worst part about body image is that over the years what is seen as the ideal body type or size changes. If you look back through history, the women who are celebrated in art never look the same. Right now we are stuck in this space where the ideal body size for a woman is tiny.

Probably like any of you women reading this, I have struggled for as long as I can remember. My parents made fun of my “bubble butt” growing up. My mom told me I was going to be big-boned and always be a bigger girl. I was the heaviest of the three of us girls and looking back now, I wasn’t anywhere close to the heavy that my mom kept commenting on. A lot of our body image issues come from our mother’s from as early as we can start looking to them for guidance. Anytime they talk about feeling fat or needing to lose weight, we absorb that. Anytime they comment on our stature, we absorb it. As kids we aren’t only absorbing what is on TV or in the media, we are listening to the women in our lives. We start to develop a complex around our body image from a very early age and if our parents aren’t aware of it, they might be causing a negative body image.

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Boundaries

Life without boundaries is a difficult life to live. I only set a few boundaries in my life before a couple of years ago. Those boundaries were removing toxic people from my life that had been toxic for many years. But I had no other boundaries.

With being an introvert, I need boundaries so I can recharge and take care of myself. Boundaries aren’t only meant to be set to keep toxic people away, they also need to be set so you can take care of yourself. In times like we are currently living through right now, we need to be even more vigilant about our boundaries.

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Today’s Way of Life

As of writing this post, the United States has been in some sort of COVID-19 limbo for about seven months. A lot of people’s lives have been turned upside down while some haven’t really been affected much at all. To be honest, I don’t know one person who hasn’t been affected in one way or another, but I am sure there are some out there. Life today is very different than it was just over seven months ago.

Life for me has changed moderately, mostly with travel and my husband’s switch to most likely permanently working from home with me. Oh and everybody and their brother deciding to buy campers or tents and heading to the mountains and leaving a fucking mess. Life has slowed down and I am grateful for it.

This year we had a lot of travel planned to multiple places for vacation and family events or conferences. All of it has been canceled. All of my business travel has been canceled. I haven’t gotten on a plane or left the state since March. We don’t even know if our normal holiday travels will happen. I was so excited for our new airport to open in September and book travel specifically around the opening. That has not happened for me. I have no idea when I’ll get to check out the new airport. All of these things are trivial in the thirty thousand foot view of our world right now.

Eddie is an extrovert who needs people. He thrives on working in a setting with people that he can interact with all day. If he doesn’t interact with multiple people, it’s almost as if he is a bit ADD. It’s like his energy builds up and has nowhere to go. When his company sent everybody to work from home, we assumed he would be back in the office within weeks. Hell, I think society at large assumed life would return to normal relatively quickly. Unfortunately for Eddie, it is looking like quarantine is actually pushing his company to make the decision for his team to work from home permanently. Thankfully we have enough space to have our own offices, but that doesn’t bode well for an extrovert who can’t go to concerts or do other things to get out his energy. There are most definitely many people who are just like my husband and who are probably struggling. Life for them has taken a turn they can’t easily remedy.

There are more people than ever in the mountains and camping. I wouldn’t ever want to deprive someone from getting out in nature or claim that the mountains are mine, but for goodness sake, clean up after yourself and put your damn fires out!! I am tired of finding a camping spot only to have to use almost an entire trash bag to clean up other people’s messes. Leave nature how it is intended to be. And be responsible. Put out your fires all of the way. Utah has had more fires this year started by people abandoning campfires than any previous year. I am sitting on the porch with smoking skies from all of the fires from here and further west. I know Utah isn’t the only state with fires and I know that a lot of the fires are from irresponsible people.

We’ve also benefited from the economy and market since the shutdown in March. We were able to refinance our home at a great rate and get some big renovation projects paid for. We’ve also had more time to get into the mountains and camping since we aren’t using Eddie’s paid time off for all of the other travel. We’ve been challenged to redefine what is important to us. We’ve been able to spend more time taking care of each other and our home.

As I sit here and write this post, I am grateful for my life slowing down so much that I can really define what is truly important to me. I get to revisit my goals and enjoy an afternoon after getting things done around the house. Life is different today from what it was like in March. As we head into the fall, I am looking forward to the slower pace and ability to spend more time taking care of our home and each other.

Life may have been turned upside down, but it doesn’t mean that life can’t be good. Find the good in everything because if you don’t, you will miss something great.

Finding Motivation

Motivation is a bitch to find. Some days it is slapping us in the face and other days it is nowhere to be found. Days can go by before motivation shows up and then it disappears before it makes any kind of difference. Nothing can be done until motivation shows back up. Just waiting for motivation to come back.

Does this sound like you? Are you sitting around, waiting for motivation to do that thing you keep putting off? Why? Seriously, why are you waiting for motivation?

Motivation isn’t something you will always have. The top one percent of performers aren’t always motivated. Motivation doesn’t come natural to anybody, even that top performers. You know what comes naturally? Procrastination. Laziness. Waiting.

Life isn’t about finding the motivation to get things done or waiting for motivation to start working towards that goal. You have to manufacture motivation. You have to be consistent. You have to do that thing even when you don’t feel like it. If you keep waiting for motivation, if you keep waiting to feel like doing it, you will get nowhere.

How do I know? Fucking experience.

Ha, yeah right. I’m sitting here reading this blog. You have to be motivated to keep up the schedule of posting that you do.

No. I’m not motivated every single day to get a blog post written. I’m not motivated to share my thoughts all of the time. As I’m sitting here writing this post, I have procrastinated on my goals this week, including writing. I’ve talked to those close to me about starting a podcast. I’m not motivated to record audio, so I haven’t done it. Writing is easy, recording audio is not. Even though writing is easy, it takes effort. And truthfully, I may have just said it was easy, but it isn’t always. Sometime I can’t come up with anything to share with you. Sometimes I procrastinate because I’m in a mood and can’t figure out what to say.

I am not always motivated. The only reason you see such consistency with these posts is that I am determined. I am determined to put my thoughts and my learnings out there. I am determined to be the friend, sister, role model, mentor, confidant, whatever, that I never had until I started my own personal growth journey. Even if this is the only post you ever read of mine, my goal is that you take something away from it. This may sound like motivation and yes, it kind of is. But putting thoughts and feelings out to the world and people I don’t personally know is not motivating. It is scary.

Motivation doesn’t always show up in my life. Determination and consistency doesn’t always show up. Procrastination is a bigger player in my life than I care to admit. But you know what? Every time I push through that procrastination and get something done, my motivation meter fills up a little.

Whatever you keep putting off, whatever you want to do, just make it happen. Take the first step. One step at a time. That is all it takes. One step.