Just Do It

Remember that slogan that Nike uses? Yeah, I’m not talking about that today. Today I’m talking about just getting better or just being better or just stop caring about what others think. I’m talking about being told to just do it. I’m talking about the feeling of ‘why can’t I just flip a switch and be who I want to be’?

I’ve been told ‘just stop’ for many things be a few people. They think that it is easy to just flip a switch and stop worrying or stop having anxiety. They tell me to ‘just stop’ but they continue to criticize for the same things. We like to say it is because of them that we can’t move on.

Wrong.

It is our choice to listen to them and digest what they are telling us. It is our choice to shut them down when they go on another rant at us. It is our choice to stick up for ourselves. We simply have to just do it. It’s that simple.

Except it isn’t. Why? Why isn’t it that simple? Because there are a lot of emotions and feelings and subconscious thoughts that we have never controlled before. Hell, we’ve probably never even acknowledged any of the emotions or feelings. So no, we can’t just do it.

What about those of us who have been working on self-care and growth for months or years? Shouldn’t it be easy to just do it? I mean, some people think so. But it really isn’t that easy.

I am here to tell you that I go through ups and downs every single day, week, month. As I am writing this, I am getting ready to watch RiseX Live with a beautiful morning. I feel fucking fantastic and like all of my struggles are washed away. But then I realized, how the hell can I not maintain this feeling and confidence every single moment of every single day?

Because it isn’t that easy. It takes work and focus and intentionality. I look back and realize that anytime my subconscious and emotions take over, I am not focusing and I am not being intentional. You see, all that work I do, all that learning I’ve been doing, I have to keep doing it. I have to be diligent and consistent and intentional in bringing what I’m learning to how I live my every single day.

Growing and living the life that we really want isn’t about just doing it. It’s about the ups and the downs and the learning and the application. As Rachel Hollis says, “knowledge isn’t power, applied knowledge is power.”

So yes, just apply the knowledge. Apply it every single day. And when you take a step backward, that’s okay. Keep going. Don’t live in that backward space. Acknowledge it and journal on it to discover and unpack what is in that space.

Leaning into PMS

Another one of my triggers is the PMS effects I deal with right before and as I’m starting my period. And this past period was no different. In fact, I leaned in HARD to the effects. I took a look at my tracking calendar, thought I had the right date, and decided instead of the exhaustion and attitude catching me off-guard, I was going to ease into it and accept it. Except the date was wrong and quarantine started getting to me.

In other words, I was a week early for easing into my PMS and therefore exacerbated the effects that being home ALL the time and the change of life had on me. I leaned into my fears and triggers from my past more and I leaned into my grouchiness. I was just waiting for the exhaustion to hit. I gave into all of the sugar cravings with the thought that they would subside in a couple days. I didn’t thoroughly think through communications at work.

I made my own life a small version of hell because I was trying to lean into PMS. It backfired on me, big time.

So what’s the solution? Watch the calendar more closely? Let my PMS symptoms hit me life a freight train every month? Ignore it all and just push through everything and tell myself to “just get over it”?

No, my solution for next month is to plan better. I can structure my goals and results lists around the phase of the month I’m in. I can plan camping and adventures around the days that tend to be my worst. I can be prepared without having to watch the calendar daily. I can take daily inventory of my mood and feelings (hello journaling). I can be more intentional.

How do you prepare or handle the PMS symptoms that knock you on your ass every month?

Clarity

According to a Google search, clarity is defined as the quality of being coherent and intelligible. But what does clarity really mean? In my opinion, that may be different depending on who you ask.

Today, clarity might mean something completely different to me than it did a month ago or will in a year. Either way, clarity is something I know I’ve been striving to achieve for a really long time. The thought was that clarity would give me peace and direction in my life. I just needed to achieve clarity to get where I wanted to go.

Today, I feel that I was wrong in that assumption. Today, clarity means something different. Today, I feel as though I have a slice of clarity as I’m coming out of an episode of stress and a bit of depression. My slice of clarity comes from reflecting on what my triggers were over the past few weeks and what caused me the most pain during that time. I shared a little of it with you in my last post Embarrassed.

My triggers tend to always lead to one overarching topic – my past. I have given and continue to give complete control over my life to my past. It is defeating and limiting. It is stressful and depressing. It holds me back.

Today, as I’m writing this, I feel like I’m finally understanding what I need to do to have more clarity in life. I need to stop giving my past so much power over me. But how? Haven’t I come to this conclusion before? Probably. And I might come to it many times over before something finally changes. That is part of growth.

Everything that I’ve been struggling with in the past few weeks has roots in my past. Some people would say just get over it. Some would say that our past defines us. I want to just get over it, but every time I try that approach, I end up right here. My past has defined me for my entire life. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of giving my past complete control over my life. I want clarity to mean that I can identify when my past is triggering me, work through it, and come out of the trigger before ever hitting the stressed or slightly depressed point.

The definition I want clarity to mean to me is that I am clear on my triggers, clear on my steps to overcome them, and clear on my goals and direction in life.

To get to that definition, I have to take steps everyday to release the power that my past has over me. I have to acknowledge my fears and address them.

What does clarity mean to you?

Embarrassed

Embarrassed. That’s how I have lived most of my life.

I’ve always been embarrassed for one reason or another. Why? Because I heard so many negative things about so many people, including me, that I was so afraid to be one of those people who prompted the negativity. I didn’t want to continue being the person people made fun of for anything and everything. I didn’t want to be the person that my parents talked so much shit about.

I tried and succeed at so many things in life, but I’ve still been embarrassed about them. Bachelors degree. Check. Embarrassed about it? You betcha. Master degree. Check. Embarrassed about it? Even more so than the bachelor degree. Being hired for a high paying job. Check. Embarrassed about it? Absofuckinglutely. Live in a beautiful house that we’ve renovated to make beautiful. Check. Embarrassed about it? Yup.

I can go on and on and on about everything I’m embarrassed about. Hell, in a lot of situations I’m even embarrassed about the quality of my marriage. Why? Why am I so embarrassed about all of these things?

Because in my parents eyes, I am too good for other people. I am the person they would incessantly talk shit about. I am living the life that my parents never could imagine actually having. They could only see it from afar and talk shit about it. When you are a young, impressionable child, that leaves a lasting impact. For me, it left a scar. For others, it determines how limited the child will become.

If I’ve been so successful so far, then why does this quote make sense to me?

Trent said this in one of his podcasts recently among a lot of other truths. This one, this one really stuck with me.

I am not more successful in my personal endeavors because I’m embarrassed about getting successful. I’m too embarrassed about what my parents would say so I hold myself back. Most people refer to what their parents would say about wearing a racy outfit or the like. My early life was spent hearing other criticisms.

So what am I going to do about it?

Put one foot forward. Remind myself that my success depends on me breaking the barriers and stigma that is so ingrained in my subconscious. I’m going to keep going. I’m going to keep posting these posts and posting my YouTube videos regardless of how few followers I have. I am going to keep working on developing my style of overlanding YouTube sharing. I am not going to give up because I am embarrassed. I am going to push through that discomfort because the only path to the success that I want is through the embarrassment and fear.

Remember my Imperfect Warriors, you already have what it takes, believe in yourself and crush
every failure on your way to your dreams. Let’s be imperfect together.

Excuses

Excuses, we all have them. Chances are, you, like me, try to justify an excuse. Chances are, you don’t know that what you are saying is truly just an excuse because you believe in it so deeply.

In You Are A Badass Everyday Jen Sincero states “We get extremely defensive about our excuses, because excuses free us from taking responsibility for our lives.” I can easily think back to many times that I was adamant about what I was saying or doing and realize that I was just rattling off excuses. Excuses are part of every person’s life regardless of how successful or centered they are. Excuses are something that we will always have to overcome.

If you look back to my previous post, Making Fun of Me, you will probably be able to identify some pretty obvious excuses in it. I sure do.

It is easier to look back and identify excuses than to identify them when you are living them. In fact, I only occasionally can identify excuses right when I’m making them. I can sit here writing all of this and realize that almost every reason I have after work and after dinner to not work on my dreams are probably just excuses. One of my biggest excuses is that Eddie just wants to watch TV. So?! Why can’t I do something else? Because I just want to relax on the couch and not in my office and I can’t write or read or do a coaching with the TV on.

I keep letting this excuses hold me back over and over and over. It is one of my most frequent excuses I use. How do I overcome it? By being intentional and finding other places to sit and relax. Yes, my couch is comfortable as hell, but so is my bean bag in my nerd nook. And soon the chairs on the porch will be usable because it will be warm enough for me to sit outside. Remember all of those years laying in bed reading when I were growing up that you treasured? Why don’t I do the same thing now? I have a wonderfully comfortable bed that would be great for reading. Why? Because I want to cuddle with the dogs and they aren’t allowed in the bed. That my friend is just one more excuse.

Are you getting the picture? Do you see how little things that don’t seem like excuses actually are?

What excuses are getting in your way of your dreams?

Making Fun of Me

Growing up I was made fun of for my clothes, my shoes, my hair, my home, my parents, my face, my glasses, my everything. I was continuously told everything that was wrong about me. Including being smart. It gave me a complex that I’m still working on today. There is a lot of baggage there that I have to unpack.

This baggage still creeps into my life today. Little things feel like big things. Little things like my husband giving my sarcastic crap about banging my hand on the corner of the counter as I walk by because I’m clumsy and it happens all the fucking time. We have been together for almost nine years and this isn’t the first time he has been sarcastic about it. But, this time and the time before it caused me to lose my shit.

I felt attacked. I felt like he was criticizing me. I felt like every time he acknowledges when I hurt myself, he is making fun of me. All of that emotion bubbled up and came out on him.

It isn’t unusual. Baggage builds up for years if it isn’t addressed. Then one day it explodes. And it probably explodes when you least expect it.

I took the approach of trying to understand why he continuously commented or pointed it out. He didn’t understand where my questioning was coming from since it has been “our well-known joke” for so many years. He couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I changed from joking about it with him to feeling attacked. We disagreed. Doors were slammed. Feelings were hurt.

He said he would stop. He said he would work on it but asked that I not expect an immediate change to an old behavior. He said he didn’t realize it was hurting my feelings. He didn’t understand the change in perspective.

Neither do I.

I don’t know that he should stop. Is this one of those things I should work on accepting? Is this one of those things that my baggage is causing more issues than necessary? Is this something I could actually lean into and have fun with?

Probably.

I should do the work, not him. It is an internal issue, not his issue. He is sarcastic by nature. I am sensitive and serious. Probably because I was made fun of. I probably got so serious because I was trying to avoid being made fun of. I got tired of getting picked on and feeling like shit. So I limited myself trying to become invisible to their comments.

Eddie isn’t making fun of me. He isn’t criticizing me. Eddie actually loves me and is a very sarcastic person. He is very easy-going. He is the complete opposite of me.

So what did I do?

After a few hours and during a walk with the dogs, I told him not to change. I told him I am going to work on my baggage issues. We talked about what might be causing my increased sensitivity to things that haven’t ever bothered me before. The discussion led to talking about other things I’m working on and through.

The lesson here? No matter how hard we work at unpacking our baggage, it may still creep back up into our daily life. Also, talk it out. You might not be able to talk it out right then, but cool off, journal or find a way to have some introspection, and then talk out whatever caused you to lose your shit. It doesn’t hurt to say sorry either. That is, sorry for losing your shit. Don’t apologize for being you and working through your baggage. Thankfully Eddie know’s I’m working on that and that I have to ponder on it. He just hopes I actually do ponder about it rather than just continuing to lose my shit on him.

Baggage may creep up, but we can work through. I can work through it.

Rise to Your Potential

Never let a good crisis go to waste. It’s the universe challenging you to learn something new and rise to the next level of your potential.”

Kristen Ulmer

I read this quote in Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss and immediately it dawned on me that this is life right now. We are all living in this pandemic, this crisis. Life is challenging for everyone right now, some much more so than others. Either we can lean into this challenge and come out of it better than we came in, or we can stay stuck in the challenge and how we’ve been impacted.

I’m not going to lie. Other than not being able to get out into the mountains, I’m enjoying being “stuck” at home. I am blessed that I get to enjoy this time. I am not sick with the horrible effects of COVID-19, nor have I lost my job and am financially struggling. I am in my home, working on renovations, working at my awesome job enriching the lives of seniors, spending time with my husband and pups. I am blessed.

So how does this quote actually apply to my life?

This crisis has taken away some of my excuses for not being able to work on my dreams. It has also given me the ability to refinance and put more money into my home. The crisis has given me more opportunities to grow, both personally and professionally.

I am being challenged and my fire is burning brighter to bring this blog into something more than I’ve trudged along with. I’m being challenged to expand my way of thinking and conquer my fears.

When Kristen wrote the above quote, I am sure she had no idea what would come in just a few short years (the book was published in 2017). Nobody did. What she had was the experience of personal crises that led her to develop her next level potential. I believe that Kristen’s quote can apply to almost any crisis. The only qualifier is how each one of us looks at whatever crises we are living through.

The crisis today is the pandemic and the many stay at home orders that have been enacted across the country and the world. Life has changed dramatically in just a few short weeks. Or long weeks depending on how you look at them. This crisis is challenging every single human in one way or another. Most of us will come out of it. The question is, what will have changed for us personally when we do?

How are you going to use this crisis, this pandemic, to grow and come out the other side stronger? Are you even going to use this time to grow? Or are you going to sit at home and whine about how shitty it is that we can’t go shopping or out to eat or to hang out with other people? How are you going to leverage this time?

I’ll tell you what I’m doing to leverage it. I’m working my ass off. I’m working for the company I get a paycheck from to enrich the lives of seniors AND I’m working on my personal goals. I’m not giving up and complaining about what was normal and what I can’t have. I’m creating my own new normal. My new normal makes life different than just a few weeks ago and will have my life different as we come out of the crisis.

Are you still taking for granted all of the blessings you have?

Are you only complaining about what you can’t do?

Are you only recognizing the pain in our world?

Are you ignoring what opportunities have been opened by being home more?

Are you forgetting that this is temporary, even if that temporary is longer than you want?

Are you ignoring the fact that we as a society always come out to the other side?

What are you focusing your mind on?

Have you even stopped to ponder anything other than your frustrations?

Yes, this pandemic fucking sucks. Yes, people are dying, Yes, people have lost their jobs. Yes, people are working in shitty conditions. Yes, our economy is not as strong as it was. Yes, yes, yes. There is so much struggle and pain in this crisis. Yes, we need to acknowledge that. But those people who are working our asses off don’t need us to dwell on the pain and the struggle. They need us to get our shit together so we can come out the other side.

Getting our shit together will look different for every single person. Getting our shit together may be as simple as not going out just to go out. Getting our shit together may be going after those goals and dreams that we keep putting aside because that will help our economy in the long-run OR it might help one of those people working their ass off have a little humor or inspiration in their day.

What are you learning during this crisis? How are you going to rise to your potential?

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs have plagued my life for as long as I can remember. The difference between now and the past is that I actually know what limiting beliefs are and how to identify them. The problem today is whether or not I stop long enough to check-in with myself to identify the limiting beliefs floating through my mind.

No matter how much I learn about identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs, I still run into times when I have a light bulb moment and realize that I’ve been living through a season of believing one limiting belief or another. This happened to me recently and I want to share with you what I did once I identified it.

I say it, but actually there are a couple of limiting beliefs that I identified I was believing around the same time. One in my current profession and one for this website and my goals for it. I first identified my limiting belief with Failing Imperfectly.

I’ve been holding myself back in what I share and how I grow this website and the Failing Imperfectly YouTube. Why? A myriad of reasons. Mostly starting with fears that I’m not good enough yet. Yep, I still battle those fears. The fear of not being good enough yet spawns into the fear that I’m not qualified yet. Those two fears grouped together are why I haven’t grown Failing Imperfectly into what I want it to be.

I have kept my website limited and I’ve sure as hell limited my interactions with YouTube. I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t say this or that and that I can’t produce free downloads or programs because I am not far enough along in my own journey and because I have not been through a coach certification program yet.

I sat down to finish uploading a couple of free resources that I made based on one of my first YouTube videos and realized I really didn’t like my website. Why? Because I kept it very basic and refrained from making statements about what the website is about. I was trying to dabble in two completely different directions that didn’t compliment each other. I didn’t want to say that I was here to offer advice because I have not yet done a certification program. I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t feel qualified. But you know what? I have been misleading myself because I want to be out here inspiring you through real life examples of overcoming all of these challenges I keep sharing, but I didn’t want to consider my learning experiences worthy of being considered advice.

Yes, there are qualification programs for coaches and yes, I will probably participate in one or more in the future. But that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I know I can do today. What can I do? Take everything I learn from other coaches, from my mentors, and share it with you as I apply it to my life. As I learn, I also develop my own methods. I can share those with you. My limiting beliefs had me stuck in a hamster wheel spinning about adding only a small amount of value to your life. The only way I’m going to continue to improve is by doing what I do now and pushing into what I envision at the same time. I don’t need any specific certification to add value to your life by sharing mine and how I overcome challenges.

The second limiting belief I identified was after I had the above realization. I’ve been paranoid about being good enough for the role I have at work and being dedicated enough. Why good enough? I have absolutely no idea. I know I am good enough, even if I have things to learn to be an expert in my role. Dedicated enough? That comes from the current situation with everybody working from home and me not wanting to be seen as a slacker if I took a break. I do this with every job that I work from home with. It’s a recurring challenge for me. This time I identified it earlier.

How does this all connect? The limiting beliefs that I have been living through have been holding me back from the greatness I know I can achieve. How do I plan to overcome these limiting beliefs?

First, I updated my website and finally made some statements about what you will find here. I also uploaded some free resources that you can find here.

Second, I stoked the fire in me that wants to build this website into a coaching business. Yes, I dream of being a respected life coach. I don’t know if I want to be as well known as Rachel Hollis, but I’m not limiting myself to anything less than being a fucking awesome life coach.

And lastly, I need to take breaks while working because if I don’t, I burn out and produce shit for work. I have to take care of myself to be the best at anything I do.

Feeling Good in a Shitty Time

The last few weeks have not been normal, for any of us. Some of our lives have truly been negatively impacted. Some of our lives are just different enough that we feel the need to sit and complain all day. Some of us our simply lost with the new simplicity of life. The thing we can all agree on is that this is truly a shitty time.

The thing about this shitty time isn’t that it is affecting one person, one group of people, one class of people, or one nation. This shitty time is affecting the entire world. Hopefully by the time you are reading this post, things have started to improve. Hopefully life doesn’t feel as shitty.

But, as I am sitting here writing this, I know that none of us know how long this pandemic will go for. None of us know how long our lives are going to be affected.

As I am writing this, it is almost three weeks since I cut my last work trip short and came home. It is almost three weeks since my company killed all travel. It is less than that since we have had to redesign our main offering to assist the lives of seniors without ever setting foot in their home. It is only a few hours since the county that I’m in enacted a public health order putting legal ramifications on doing anything outside of the home that is not essential.

In the past three weeks, I thought I had this work from home thing down. I’ve been doing it off and on for years and didn’t think anything would really be that different for me.

I was wrong.

I didn’t typically shower or get ready (makeup and hair) when I worked from home. I would shower as needed (my dry skin truly thanked me) and keep my hair braided or something. I sure as hell didn’t put makeup on.

But, I just hadn’t been feeling myself. This working from home thing was different in this climate. Was it because Eddie was also working from home? Was it because I had absolutely no travel on the horizon? Why didn’t I feel myself?

I figured it out the day before writing this. When I used to work from home, I still would have this activity or that, or even meet up with people that “required” me to get “dressed”. I’ve had none of that. Even my grocery store trips don’t require a fully put together me.

So, to help improve my mood, my dedication, and my productiveness for work and my personal goals, I decided that I have to get ready every morning. I need to feel good about myself more often. Yes, getting ready does help me feel good about myself and there is nothing wrong with that.

I made the decision to get up at 4:00 am instead of 4:30 so I could have an extra 30 minutes to do my hair and makeup. As I am writing this, today is day 1 of this new schedule.

Here is to feeling good in a shitty time. Some times it is the little things that will get us through. Sometimes we just need a little makeup to go with our coffee.

How are you feeling good in this time of change?

My Abundance of Time

Our lives have all been turned upside down. From the local economy to the world as a whole, nothing is the same as it was just a couple of months ago. So much has changed in such a short time. Time is what so many of us want more of, yet we don’t do anything different when we get it.

Recently I read Being Mortal by Atul Gawande and in one of the chapters, he mentions a hypothesis that was formulated by Stanford psychologist Laura Carstensen: how we seek to spend our time may depend on how much time we perceive ourselves to have.

So I am asking you, how are you spending your time? Are you spending it as though you have an abundance of time and will live “forever”, or are you spending it as thought this gift (or curse, depending on how you look at it) of extra time will come to an end?

I can tell you how I have always lived my life: like I have more than an abundance of time, yet as though there is not enough time. I have lived with contradictory habits around time for as long as I can remember. You see, I am that person who is always on time. And by on time, I mean I am no less than 10 minutes early to everything. I also make sure that the house is perfect hours before people actually come over. I generally have to slow myself down in food preparation because I am so anxious about being behind when people arrive. I get horribly anxious about being late (remember the 10 minutes early from above) for everything. This anxiety almost hurts.

But, I also live as though I have all the time in the world. I have goals I want to accomplish and I diddle dawdle around them every single day. I save recording and editing my YouTube videos until almost the last day before they are “scheduled” to post. I procrastinate in getting coaching content created and published to this website. I have pictures and video for our Desert Mountain Overland website and Instagram that are months old that I haven’t even reviewed for editing. I have so much that I want to do, but I don’t do it.

I live very contradicting outlooks on time. Do you? Are you like me?

We have been given this extra time to be home with our families. For some people, this extra time is definitely not a blessing, and I get that, and I’m praying for speedy healing for everyone. But the rest of us who are bitching that we can’t go do the things that our every day life normally calls for? Yeah, we have been given a blessing of extra time.

No, I don’t have kids. But if I did, I’d hug them more, play in the yard more, cook with them more, play games, take walks, learn their schoolwork with them, and more. I would enjoy that time I get to have being together, even when the little shits are fighting or being sassy. This is time I wouldn’t have had with them otherwise.

As for what I’m actually doing? Well, I am writing this post a couple weeks ahead of time and up until this post, I’ve only really done a little of what I want to do to grow as a person and both of my “businesses”. But, I can tell you what I do want to do more of. I want to read more and take better notes of what I’m learning, I want to be more energetic in recording my YouTube videos, I want to get in the garden and yard more, I want to walk the dogs more, I want to learn how to fly my drone, I want more sexy time with my husband, I want to develop more content for you, and I want to edit and produce more images and videos that I have stored from previous off-roading or camping trips. I want to learn more. I want to share more. I want to inspire you more.

I want to use my abundance of time to finally stop being a procrastinating dreamer. I want to get off my ass and get shit done.

What do you want to do with your gift of time??

Again, if you or anyone you know is or has been affected by this virus, I am praying for a speedy, full recovery.