Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs have plagued my life for as long as I can remember. The difference between now and the past is that I actually know what limiting beliefs are and how to identify them. The problem today is whether or not I stop long enough to check-in with myself to identify the limiting beliefs floating through my mind.

No matter how much I learn about identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs, I still run into times when I have a light bulb moment and realize that I’ve been living through a season of believing one limiting belief or another. This happened to me recently and I want to share with you what I did once I identified it.

I say it, but actually there are a couple of limiting beliefs that I identified I was believing around the same time. One in my current profession and one for this website and my goals for it. I first identified my limiting belief with Failing Imperfectly.

I’ve been holding myself back in what I share and how I grow this website and the Failing Imperfectly YouTube. Why? A myriad of reasons. Mostly starting with fears that I’m not good enough yet. Yep, I still battle those fears. The fear of not being good enough yet spawns into the fear that I’m not qualified yet. Those two fears grouped together are why I haven’t grown Failing Imperfectly into what I want it to be.

I have kept my website limited and I’ve sure as hell limited my interactions with YouTube. I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t say this or that and that I can’t produce free downloads or programs because I am not far enough along in my own journey and because I have not been through a coach certification program yet.

I sat down to finish uploading a couple of free resources that I made based on one of my first YouTube videos and realized I really didn’t like my website. Why? Because I kept it very basic and refrained from making statements about what the website is about. I was trying to dabble in two completely different directions that didn’t compliment each other. I didn’t want to say that I was here to offer advice because I have not yet done a certification program. I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t feel qualified. But you know what? I have been misleading myself because I want to be out here inspiring you through real life examples of overcoming all of these challenges I keep sharing, but I didn’t want to consider my learning experiences worthy of being considered advice.

Yes, there are qualification programs for coaches and yes, I will probably participate in one or more in the future. But that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I know I can do today. What can I do? Take everything I learn from other coaches, from my mentors, and share it with you as I apply it to my life. As I learn, I also develop my own methods. I can share those with you. My limiting beliefs had me stuck in a hamster wheel spinning about adding only a small amount of value to your life. The only way I’m going to continue to improve is by doing what I do now and pushing into what I envision at the same time. I don’t need any specific certification to add value to your life by sharing mine and how I overcome challenges.

The second limiting belief I identified was after I had the above realization. I’ve been paranoid about being good enough for the role I have at work and being dedicated enough. Why good enough? I have absolutely no idea. I know I am good enough, even if I have things to learn to be an expert in my role. Dedicated enough? That comes from the current situation with everybody working from home and me not wanting to be seen as a slacker if I took a break. I do this with every job that I work from home with. It’s a recurring challenge for me. This time I identified it earlier.

How does this all connect? The limiting beliefs that I have been living through have been holding me back from the greatness I know I can achieve. How do I plan to overcome these limiting beliefs?

First, I updated my website and finally made some statements about what you will find here. I also uploaded some free resources that you can find here.

Second, I stoked the fire in me that wants to build this website into a coaching business. Yes, I dream of being a respected life coach. I don’t know if I want to be as well known as Rachel Hollis, but I’m not limiting myself to anything less than being a fucking awesome life coach.

And lastly, I need to take breaks while working because if I don’t, I burn out and produce shit for work. I have to take care of myself to be the best at anything I do.

NQTD

When you make a decision, how often do you question it? Are you like me and question most decisions you make? No? Okay, well maybe this isn’t for you then. Yes? Oh then stay tuned.

Why do we question decisions?

I have learned that I question my decisions because I haven’t trusted myself. It’s a sad realization and a challenging one to overcome. It isn’t as easy as just starting to trust myself. There is work to be done to figure out why I don’t trust myself. Then there is work to start trusting myself, one decision at a time. Then there is the work to stop questioning the decisions I make.

I’ve done a lot of this work without realizing I’ve been doing it. In fact, I didn’t realize it until I heard of NQTD. I honestly can’t remember where I heard it, but I wrote it down. I knew this would make a huge difference in how I continue to grow. What is NQTD?

Never. Question. The. Decision.

I chose to eat that cupcake, don’t question the decision.

I chose not to get on the treadmill, don’t question the decision.

I chose to sit on my ass and binge on TV instead of writing or recording a video, don’t question the decision.

I chose to go out even those I didn’t want to, don’t question the decision.

Get the point?

As you start to trust yourself more and more, stop questioning decisions. No, it’s not easy to remember to not question things. If you can start with just one decision, start with not questioning just one decision today. It doesn’t matter what the decision is, just choose one.

Here are some steps that can help you work through why you might be questioning the decision:

  1. Stop yourself in your tracks
  2. Identify the decision you are questioning in detail
  3. Identify what feelings are attached to the questioning of the decision
  4. Write out or think through how it relates to trusting yourself
  5. Write out or think through what would happen if you didn’t question the decision
  6. Seriously, what is the absolute worst that can possibly happen?
  7. Now, stop questioning the fucking decision!!

If only point number seven was that easy, right?!

As you work through each decision that you question, it does become easier. It isn’t a quick process, but it is worth it.

I used to question simple things like telling someone within our family about something in my life, answering a coworker about what I did over the weekend, the food I was eating, or even the color I painted my toes. I look back and think that I started with the little decisions. Those were the easier ones to tell myself to stop questioning.

Something I do to help myself work on things is putting a wallpaper on my phone with a gentle, feeling generating reminder. Here is one to help you to stop questioning your decisions.

What Are You Committed To?

Are you committed to your goals or to your excuses? Do you even know?

I used to think that I was committed to my goals, but I kept making excuses. I had some goals that yes, I was absolutely committed to. I wanted to have a better life than my parents. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted happiness and freedom. I pursued all of those goals every single day.

But I kept making excuses. I was committed to the excuses I kept making as to why I would never be good enough, or why I couldn’t do something for me even if my partner didn’t like it or didn’t want to do it with me, or why I kept feeling like I had to prove myself to absolutely everybody in my life.

I was somewhat growing as a person and meeting goals, but my excuses were holding me back from my full potential. One of the excuses I was wholeheartedly committed to was my need to make sure everyone else was supported, approved, and/or wasn’t offended by absolutely anything I did. This excuse ran my life. It was at the center of everything I did. I was committed to this excuse more than I was committed to anything else in my life.

This excuse continually held me back and prevented me from reaching and even dreaming big audacious goals. I was never going to fully meet the goals I listed above if I didn’t uncommit myself from the excuse of needing to look out for everybody else first. I had to commit to my goals, do some difficult internal work, and let go of my excuses.

I have mostly stopped living my life for others. I no longer care if so-and-so likes my posts. I no longer care if my posting or my sharing offends people. I don’t say anything horrible about people, well most people, and I don’t name any names in most of my posts. I started creating and sharing my growth journey on YouTube and don’t care if my family or friends think it’s weird or that I am sharing too much. I don’t share about them unless I am giving them credit for helping me. I take time for me, even when all of the family is together.

Limiting my excuse of needing to do for others before doing for myself has been liberating. I have been able to focus on allowing myself to dream big audacious goals and have started going after them. I have changed my commitment from my excuses to my goals. I schedule time for me to have simple me time and to do activities towards accomplishing my goals without worry of people being offended that I’m not out with them.

Change. Change is how we can be more committed to our goals than our excuses. Nothing can happen without some kind of change.

Which are you committed to, your goals or your excuses? Have you ever thought about it?

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It’s Easy For Her…

…there is no way I could ever be like her.

comparison kills creativity. (1)

Have you ever thought that? I have. It is defeating. It is depressing.

But there is so much wrong with that thought. It took me years to realize it and learn how to overcome it every time that I encountered it.

Now, I see that others might be thinking the same thing about me. No, I’m not getting conceited on you. I’m acknowledging that I am further along in my personal growth journey than some and that might be intimidating.

That thought, “It’s easy for her, there is no way I could ever be like her” is a comparison. It is a comparison that I’ve made for every step of my life. Do any of these sound like things that you have thought?

Yeah, but it won’t be easy for me…

I’m too far gone to be helped…

I don’t know how or where to start…

Self-help/Self-development is for people who are extremely fucked up, that’s not me…

When I first was presented the idea of personal development, I had the last thought. I seriously was of the mindset that only fucked up people read self-help books. I judged them before I ever gave them a shot.

Then people I knew were recommending a couple books in that space and the books didn’t sound like they were weird. So I started reading. All it takes is one step to start.

You have taken that step. You are reading this blog. I share personal development, self-help information. I share my journey through it all.

Personal development isn’t easy. It isn’t because going through the work to truly grow is emotionally and difficult. It takes time. It takes dedication.

In my opinion, nobody is too far gone. Each of us can take a little step every single day. Little steps are how I’ve gotten to where I am. It didn’t happen overnight. 

Again, you’ve already started, you are here. Blogs, books, podcasts, etc. There are so many resources out there depending on what you feel you need to work on. If you don’t know how to determine what to work on, go back to my post about thought work. You can sit and work through your thoughts that are plaguing you. Thoughts always plague us.

I know you’ve probably heard this multiple times, but stop comparing yourself to others. Even as you are growing, comparing yourself to the influencers and to those of us who are a little further along can be painful for you. All you are doing by comparing yourself is strengthening your insecurities. You are making the things that you want to change worse than they already are.

If you want to change something, you can’t compare yourself to someone else. Your journey is different than mine. Your issues (yeah, we all got issues) are different than mine. Your dreams are different than mine. Your situation is different than mine.

It wasn’t easy for me.

I started and stopped in my personal growth journey multiple times. I have battled with some of my issues over and over and over again. There are times that I feel like I’m doing really awesome with one thing and bam! that thing rolls me. Everything I share here is after I’ve done continuous work over long periods of time. I have a lot of life to unpack. I have a lot of work to still grow through.

It isn’t easy for me. I have had to make some big changes in my life just to get to where I want to be. I’ve made big changes to get to this point today. I still struggle with my growth.

It isn’t easy for me and it won’t be easy for you.

Your Thoughts Will Run or Ruin Your Life

Once you can see your thought you can start to change them.

 

I have lived within my thoughts all of my life. My thoughts ran and at some points, ruined my life. We have been programmed without even knowing it and that programming turns into our thoughts, both unconscious and conscious. These thoughts are what contributes to how we act, our anxiety, our depression, and what we pursue.

Kara Loewentheil teaches about thought work and how to differentiate your conscious from unconscious thoughts while being able to release their hold on us. From her, I have learned how to take a step back and really review the thoughts that are hurting me.

Kara recommends taking time each day to simply write, with or without intention. When you write out the thoughts that are stuck in your head, you get to see them on paper where you can review and analyze them. When the thoughts are stuck in your head, analysis isn’t as easy. The process of getting our thoughts onto paper and analyzing them gives us a degree of separation. When we are observing our thoughts purely in our mind, there is no separation.  When we put them onto paper, we are able to separate our thoughts from ourselves.

Kara said, ” Your brain doesn’t know how to stop thinking something. You have to give it something else to think instead.”

By putting our thoughts on paper and then analyzing them, we are able to give our brain a different perspective to think about. We are able to use the analytical part of our brain on the thought rather than just the emotional part. The ability to analyze our thoughts isn’t something that comes easily. This is a practice we must adopt.

After I listened to a training and a few podcasts from Kara, I implemented a half-ass version of her recommendations. Even with doing my half-assed version, I have been able to process my thoughts better and analyze why I’m so pissed off or hurt about situations. I have been able to identify that some situations that I’m ruminating over are really not about me at all. I was able to realize that the lay-off I went through had nothing to do with me. Nothing. It wasn’t a reflection on my efforts in my role at all. I’ve been able to look back and see thoughts that were negative and harming me and where they were coming from.

To be honest, I haven’t done my thought work daily and that’s okay. I do sit down to work on my thoughts any time I have an overwhelming or negative thought. I make sure that if I am hurt or pissed off about something, I do at least my half-assed version. Why? Because if I don’t, those thoughts will run my day or my life and may even ruin a good thing.

I’m not perfect in my thought work and I still have a lot of work to do. What I can tell you is that this practice is worth it and just might change your life or release some of that anxiety you are feeling.

Here are a couple of Kara’s recommended steps and questions to use.

Steps:
1. Set a daily time on your calendar for 5 minutes (Yup, all she recommends to start with is 5 minutes!!)
2. Just write until the 5-minute timer goes off.

Questions to use:
1. When did the thought occur?
2. What was happening?
3. What is the exact thought I’m having right now about this?

Kara recommends getting concrete and specific. I recommend adding another question to ask: Is this thought coming from a place of fear? If so, what is the underlying fear?

When doing thought work, you will start to get really familiar with what your negative thoughts are and where they are coming from. This will give you specific areas that you can work on through your personal growth journey. By doing this thought work, you will be able to realize what thoughts are holding you back from releasing the anxiety you are experiencing.

One last question to ask yourself, “What would it feel like to show up and feel absolutely confident about yourself?”

**You can find out more about Kara Loewenthiel’s teachings on thought work at her website or on her podcast.  I listen to her podcast through Google Podcasts.

I Need A Mentor

A Mentor

I need a mentor. You need a mentor. How the hell do I find a mentor?!

I’ve asked myself this question for years. I’ve always heard successful people talking about their mentors and how they recommend everyone having a mentor. But I didn’t know how to find one who would take me on as a mentee.

Do I just find someone that I look up to and ask? How do I know if they would be good? Who do I look up to? What kind of relationship are we supposed to have? Question after question prevented me from acquiring a mentor.

Until I learned that mentors don’t have to be people that you have a two-way conversation with. Wait, WHAT?!?!

My mind was blown when I heard Rachel Hollis explain who some of her mentors were and that she had never even talked to some of them. My mind was blown. You mean that I could have mentors who have no idea I even exist? Is that really a mentor then?

Um, yes. Yes it is. And if you can’t tell, Rachel Hollis is one of my mentors. And so is Dave Hollis, Trent Shelton, Brené Brown, Andrea Owen, Rachelle Croft, and Kevin and Sarah McCuiston. I’m sure I have a few others, but these are the ones I follow the closest.

Here’s the thing, the definition of a mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor. Nowhere does the definition state that the mentor has to know who you are or call you directly.

Here is why I refer to the above list of people as my mentors:

  1. They inspire me every day
  2. They teach me new habits and skills
  3. They provide resources to help me solve my own problems
  4. They communicate in a medium that I understand and relate to

I know that not everybody will view these one-sided relationships as a mentorship, but I do. I am a different person, a better person, because of the knowledge and insight they share. Whether it be from their books or their candid posts on social media, I am becoming a better version of myself because of what they share.

All of my mentors are in the personal development or overlanding space. I don’t have any that are in the project management space and that is okay. My list of mentors has evolved over the years as I’ve grown as a person. My mentors will continue to evolve.

No matter what medium you are looking for advice in, find a mentor. They don’t have to know who you are. You still can follow their work and learn from them. Find people who will challenge you to be a better version of yourself. Find people who will inspire you.

A mentorship relationship is what you want it to be. It doesn’t have to look like mine or anybody else’s.

Who are your mentors?

My Own Path

Dare to forge your own path.

When I first started out on this journey with this blog, I was under the impression that once I hit it big and was making good money, I would quit my project management career and be a full-time blogger. I then advanced that thought to becoming a well-respected life coach. Either way, I saw the only option of being a life coach as my path forward.

Every time I thought about it, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach — but I love my career. I didn’t want to give up on being a life coach because I feel that I am called to share my life experiences and passion for helping others through this avenue, but I also didn’t want to give up on my career that I am also passionate about. Oh and then there is the overlanding passion that is blossoming. Why do I have to choose just one?

The answer is, I don’t. There is no reason that I have to choose just one. During one of Marie Forleo’s YouTube videos or in her book, she brought up the term ‘multi-passionate entrepreneur’. My heart exploded in fire. She explained how she didn’t want to do just one thing and that she had many passions. She struggled with choosing just one and came to the realization that she didn’t have to.

And that is where I am. I am going to be a well-respected life coach, overlander, and project manager who kicks ass at all of them. I’m going to kick ass in my own way. I’m not going to follow any well-defined path from any who have come before me. I will learn as I go and be who I am. I know that it may take longer to advance my life coaching and overlanding businesses while being a career project manager, but I’m okay with that.

I’m going to forge my own path and be all that I want to be. I don’t have to give up on one passion because I want to pursue another. At some point, my passions will probably cross and that is okay. Actually, that would be freaking awesome.

Hop on the train because this is going to be one wild ride. I’m pursuing three big passions and I’m not going to be perfect in any of them. I’m doing it the imperfect way. Are you going to come along for the ride and be an Imperfect Warrior who forges her/his own path?

I’m An Overthinker

Overthinking is what I do best. I can and will overthink for just about anything. It is truly a problem. Are you an overthinker?

Overthinking affects our lives more than we probably would like to admit. We zero in and focus on a specific topic and think about all the possibilities. Usually, the possibilities that we think about are negative. Whether you are ruminating on the past or worrying about the future, overthinking does not benefit your life.

In fact, if you are anything like me, overthinking actually does more harm than good to your life. For me, ruminating on the past usually turns into worrying about the future. I take a thought that I’m overthinking full circle over and over again and it usually happens over multiple days, weeks, or longer.

I tend to start with ruminating on a situation that I didn’t like how I behaved. I think about how shitty I was, how embarrassing I made the situation, or how I offended or hurt someone. I go on and on until I fast forward to the future and create a whole new situation with the same people where I encounter something similar and have to re-write my behavior. I usually try to think the situation into an existence where I stand up for myself and the other person or people are put in their place. This comes from the victim mentality that I was raised with.

Lately, I’ve been able to catch myself in this process. I stop myself from going down this rabbit hole creating drama in my mind that doesn’t actually exist. It’s not easy to do, but it is so worth it. The overthinking that I do to get me to this point tells me that the other person in the situation is bullying me or that I’m a fucked up person. It wears me down without me even being in the other person’s presence.

Not only do I ruminate and worry about the future, but I also worry about the little things. Will I look absolutely stupid in this outfit, am I over/underdressed? What happens if I’m late? What happens if we break something on the truck? What if we don’t have enough money? What if they judge me for this? Don’t be too loud, we don’t want to offend anyone. Don’t have sex here, this is Sally’s house and that is disrespectful. Don’t make the food according to your dietary preferences, you don’t want to offend everyone else who is eating. Don’t quit drinking alcohol, you won’t have anything in common with Sally and won’t have anything to bond over anymore. I could go on and on with thoughts that have crossed my mind. I am always overthinking everything.

How do I course correct my overthinking train of thought? I stop dead in my tracks and twist the thought. If Sally was staying in my house, how would I feel about her and her husband having sex if nobody actually heard or knew it was happening? How would I feel if Sally was late to the BBQ by two minutes? How would I feel if Sally told me that they couldn’t go to the event because it wasn’t in their budget?

Let me tell you how I would respond. I would say have fun and have sex if nobody knows about it. Two minutes is nothing, glad you are here safely. I totally get budgets and I think is awesome you are sticking to yours.

I would respond completely different to other people than I do to myself when I get trapped in an overthinking episode. While I’m not even close to perfect in eliminating my overthinking, I can proudly say that by flipping the situation, I am a recovering overthinker. I have stopped so many horrible overthinking trains of thought from spiraling so far out of control that I’m afraid to be in Sally’s presence. I have improved how I behave and show up for not only myself but the people I overthink about.

Overthinking doesn’t always have to control our lives. We can take back control. We just have to work for it. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

How can you flip your overthinking train of thought?

YouTube Channel Has Launched!!!

Hello my Imperfect Warriors!!

I wanted to let you know that I have launched the Failing Imperfectly YouTube channel. I will be uploading one video per week and will have similar content to what you read here. Take a look and enjoy!

Have a great weekend!

Why Personal Development?

I thought I would take a moment to give you a little history on how I got here, to this blog, to wanting to become a life coach.

It all started (damn I sound old) when I opened my mind to Beachbody coaching. Nope, I’m not selling you on anything, I am no longer selling the product. I had wanted to workout but couldn’t find anything that called to me. Then a friend introduced me and I signed up. I signed up as a coach because I saw the earning potential and the Facebook profiles of some of the top coaches. One of the main suggestions to be a successful coach is to do personal development.

I had been against even considering a self-help book ALL of my life. I was of the opinion that I may be a fucking mess, but I don’t need psychologists telling me how to live my life. They don’t know me. But, I wanted to be a successful Beachbody coach so I gave it a shot. The first two books I read were You are a Badass by Jen Sincero and #GIRLBOSS by  Sophia Amoruso. They had me hooked. They were relatable and not filled with scientific jargon that made me feel stupid.

I kept reading and listening to more and more of these books. I started listening to podcasts. I dug in and really started learning and working on my own growth. I had a different blog at the time and I did a lot of posts on social media to meet what was being taught as was required to get customers.

Then life changed, infertility hit and I decided to quit coaching. I read/listened less often and leaned into the emotions and pain that accompanied infertility and the treatments we chose to do. I was in this place for a couple years and they were difficult years.

Then after a particularly boozy Christmas in 2018 and talking with one of my best friends, I started making goals for 2019. I dug deep and I really looked into what I wanted life to be. I started following Rachel Hollis more closely, I leaned into the overlanding and offroading community that I was becoming part of. I started following a local overlander/off-roader that I heard speak at the local off-road expo. I started reading and listening to personal development again.

I knew there was more out there for me. I knew I felt so much better with my emotions when I worked on healing. So that’s why I turned back to personal development. I had recently gone to therapy, but I honestly felt worse after I left. When I would talk about someone who was causing me a lot of emotional pain, she completely validated and expanded that feeling and told me to remove that person from my life. Not possible this time. And in my heart, I knew that wasn’t the answer.

I keep coming back to personal development because I keep reading and listening to advice from people who I can relate to. I don’t read just any book because it has a catchy title or is best selling. I choose books based on previous authors I’ve related too and the content. I don’t just read headlines. I need to read a chunk or listen to the sample before I can commit.

I signed up for life coaching to really dig deep this year and it has changed my life. Personal development, self-help, whatever you want to call it, it isn’t as crazy as I once thought it was. I gave it a shot, twice, and it has changed my life. I am healing from the inside out and it feels so good.