Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs have plagued my life for as long as I can remember. The difference between now and the past is that I actually know what limiting beliefs are and how to identify them. The problem today is whether or not I stop long enough to check-in with myself to identify the limiting beliefs floating through my mind.

No matter how much I learn about identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs, I still run into times when I have a light bulb moment and realize that I’ve been living through a season of believing one limiting belief or another. This happened to me recently and I want to share with you what I did once I identified it.

I say it, but actually there are a couple of limiting beliefs that I identified I was believing around the same time. One in my current profession and one for this website and my goals for it. I first identified my limiting belief with Failing Imperfectly.

I’ve been holding myself back in what I share and how I grow this website and the Failing Imperfectly YouTube. Why? A myriad of reasons. Mostly starting with fears that I’m not good enough yet. Yep, I still battle those fears. The fear of not being good enough yet spawns into the fear that I’m not qualified yet. Those two fears grouped together are why I haven’t grown Failing Imperfectly into what I want it to be.

I have kept my website limited and I’ve sure as hell limited my interactions with YouTube. I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t say this or that and that I can’t produce free downloads or programs because I am not far enough along in my own journey and because I have not been through a coach certification program yet.

I sat down to finish uploading a couple of free resources that I made based on one of my first YouTube videos and realized I really didn’t like my website. Why? Because I kept it very basic and refrained from making statements about what the website is about. I was trying to dabble in two completely different directions that didn’t compliment each other. I didn’t want to say that I was here to offer advice because I have not yet done a certification program. I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t feel qualified. But you know what? I have been misleading myself because I want to be out here inspiring you through real life examples of overcoming all of these challenges I keep sharing, but I didn’t want to consider my learning experiences worthy of being considered advice.

Yes, there are qualification programs for coaches and yes, I will probably participate in one or more in the future. But that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I know I can do today. What can I do? Take everything I learn from other coaches, from my mentors, and share it with you as I apply it to my life. As I learn, I also develop my own methods. I can share those with you. My limiting beliefs had me stuck in a hamster wheel spinning about adding only a small amount of value to your life. The only way I’m going to continue to improve is by doing what I do now and pushing into what I envision at the same time. I don’t need any specific certification to add value to your life by sharing mine and how I overcome challenges.

The second limiting belief I identified was after I had the above realization. I’ve been paranoid about being good enough for the role I have at work and being dedicated enough. Why good enough? I have absolutely no idea. I know I am good enough, even if I have things to learn to be an expert in my role. Dedicated enough? That comes from the current situation with everybody working from home and me not wanting to be seen as a slacker if I took a break. I do this with every job that I work from home with. It’s a recurring challenge for me. This time I identified it earlier.

How does this all connect? The limiting beliefs that I have been living through have been holding me back from the greatness I know I can achieve. How do I plan to overcome these limiting beliefs?

First, I updated my website and finally made some statements about what you will find here. I also uploaded some free resources that you can find here.

Second, I stoked the fire in me that wants to build this website into a coaching business. Yes, I dream of being a respected life coach. I don’t know if I want to be as well known as Rachel Hollis, but I’m not limiting myself to anything less than being a fucking awesome life coach.

And lastly, I need to take breaks while working because if I don’t, I burn out and produce shit for work. I have to take care of myself to be the best at anything I do.

Fear

Fear is a topic that is everywhere I look this week. More than one of the coaches that I learn from have spoken about fear through one of their channels. With one coach, it’s just a focus of theirs. With more than one, yeah, it is something I need to talk about. I don’t know if people are focusing on fear this week because it is Halloween or that it is a coincidence, but fear is a big deal.

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

We all have fears, whether we want to admit it or not. Two of my biggest fears are getting in trouble and being late. I suspect that the second one ultimately leads back to getting in trouble. Other than these two, I have countless fears. A new fear I didn’t know I would develop, is the fear of breaking the screws in my spine.

Our fears can be fears we’ve held for all of our life because we developed them as a child, or they can be brand new fears, developed at any time. Some fears stem from a difficult childhood, some from phobias that are common, and some from life changes.

My fear of getting into trouble most definitely stems from my childhood. My fear of breaking a screw comes from getting the screws added to my spine and seeing pictures and hearing of the pain that comes from broken screws. I can easily identify where those fears come from, but I have no idea where my fear of being late comes from.

Regardless of where our fears originate, they don’t have to rule our lives. I say this while fully disclosing that I have an enormous amount of work to do on my fears. I know that my fears don’t have to rule my life. I also know that I can only tackle overcoming so many fears and other issues at once. If I were to try to overcome everything I need to all at once, I’d be an absolute mess and would most likely give up and go back to my comfort zone.

While Michelle Polar of Hello Fears tackled 100 fears in 100 days, I am taking a different approach. I am working on specific fears alongside other issues over time. Right now, I’m working on my fear of not being loved. I am afraid that my family and friends don’t truly love me and that they just tolerate me. There is so much emotion and feeling from my childhood to unpack with that fear, I couldn’t take on another fear at the same time.

Fear is something that some people only attribute to things like sky diving or cliff jumping. It’s also something that people live with every single day without other people knowing. Fear can be an afterthought, or it can rule our lives.

Fear has ruled my life for so many years. I do not wish the pain that living with fear causes, on anyone. Most of my life, I thought my fears meant I was damaged, unworthy. I was wrong. My fears simply meant that I needed to do work on myself to overcome fear while also learning to love myself first. I know that I can’t expect anyone to love me if I can’t love myself first. But I haven’t always known that. I have put in the work for many years, off and on, and now more consistently, to teach myself how to heal.

My steps to overcome my biggest fears is to identify the fear, dig deep to learn what the root cause of the fear might be and how the fear is triggered, and to learn what is the best thing that can happen if I face that fear.

When was the last time you were facing a fear and asked, what is the best thing that can happen?

Faith

Faith in our world is something that can be very contentious. Who do you believe in? How strong of a believer are you? Why don’t you believe? What church do you go to? Why don’t you go to church? Why do you despise people who are faithful or go to church? Why do you judge others because their faith is different? Why do you judge those who aren’t outward about their faith?

So many people act like, and probably believe wholeheartedly, their way of faith, spirituality, and/or religion is the only way. This is what fuels so many disagreements, fights, and wars.

But that’s on the massive level. What about in our every day lives?

We deal with the same thing. I deal with it.

A little history about me growing up learning about faith.

My parents weren’t spiritual or religious. My mom started life as a Catholic, but didn’t stay dedicated. We were taught about Jesus and that believing was what we were supposed to do. Until our parents divorce, we didn’t really go to church except for with our grandmother to a Lutheran church. After the divorce, mom forced us to go to a small Methodist church until we moved further away than she was willing to drive to get there. In college I attempted to go to a church that hosted a weeknight college group. That was a horrible experience. I wanted to belong to a faithful group, but I didn’t know where to start. Until I started dating my husband and I went with him and his mom. Then we moved. We found a church, stayed a couple years, then stopped going.

All this while I believed in Jesus and God, but I didn’t feel my belief was good enough. I struggled with being the perfect Christian, being the perfect church member, and being true to myself.

I have believed hard and prayed hard. I have lost or questioned my faith. I have been down right angry at God. My belief and faith has been tumultuous to say the least.

What I realized recently, was that it doesn’t matter one bit what other people think about your personal relationship with God. Or whomever you believe in. I’m definitely not here to tell you that your belief is wrong.

In the past couple years, there have been defining moments that made me question religion and my faith. I know I am not the only one, so I want to share with you that it is normal not to be 100% in your faith for all of your life.

A couple pastors at the church that we went to, did sermons that were absolutely unaccepting of those who are not heterosexual. It made me feel horrible about being connected to someone who is so unaccepting of another person. I didn’t feel comfortable listening to interpretations of the Bible from these individuals. That is definitely not how I interpret it.

Another pastor and his wife were also battling infertility at the same time as we were. Every Sunday they led worship and shared how deeply their faith was in the gift of having their own child. That no matter what, they believed they would become pregnant with their child. I felt crushed that I questioned faith and promises from God during this time. I felt like I was a horrible believer because I wasn’t as faithful as they were. I didn’t feel good enough to call myself a believer.

I have a friend who, from my view, vehemently hates any church and anyone who talks about faith. I feel like absolute shit when this friend talks about others who believe or spiritual practices, or just neighborhood churches sharing news. I let this friend’s views bring me down and truly question my faith and if I could be faithful while remaining friends.

I have never been comfortable praying out loud these really long, deep prayers. I have never been comfortable with those who speak in tongues during church. I have never been comfortable sharing much about my beliefs or my faith, aside from saying I am blessed or Thank God for blah, blah.

I began to think that my night time prayer of thanks or my prayer for people when scrolling my feed had just became habit, so I fought it.

I truly fought my faith and belief for months. I was lost because I didn’t feel good enough to be considered a believer because I don’t look like what most people consider believers (church every Sunday, limited to no cursing, pray this, pray that, etc.) and I felt separated from close friends because I do believe.

But I made a decision in the past week. I don’t care if I look like a believer to others. I don’t care that I have friends who are so hateful towards faith. I believe in my way and I have my relationship with faith. It is about me and my belief and relationship, not theirs.

So yes, I believe in God. I will pray when you need it. I will pray when you don’t accept it but you need a breakthrough in a challenge. I will keep my crosses on my walls. I will forever consider tattoos that show faithful sayings. I will curse whenever it comes out (but respectfully watch my tongue around your children should you prefer). I will be okay not going to church because not all believers have to go to church and recruit people to church. I am going to believe in my way and not apologize, or let others views bring me down, or lead me to question my faith.

This is me and I believe.