I Need To….

Last week, I briefly explained something that I want to walk through in more detail with you now. I started a thought by saying, “here’s what I need to do.” I immediately realized I was contradicting myself from a conversation that I had had just a few days before writing that post. I am starting to feel very strongly about the way we as a collective use the word need.

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Episode 28: I Need To…

Failing Imperfectly
Failing Imperfectly
Episode 28: I Need To...
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I’ve recently realized that I and so many of you, overuse the word need. I am talking about how I see the difference in these two words.

Our Many Personalities

I feel like there is a stigma around the topic of having multiple personalities depending on our situation. As you heard that, I bet you thought of the mental health definition of multiple personality disorder, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the difference between our personality with one group of people or person compared to our personality with another person or group of people. 

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Episode 27: Our Many Personalities

Failing Imperfectly
Failing Imperfectly
Episode 27: Our Many Personalities
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Each of us molds ourselves into the different situations that we are in, some of us more than others. I am definitely one of those people and I recently realized how bad it is. I am challenging myself to unite all the different piece of my personality into one whole me.

Why is it so Hard?

Before I get started, get your mind out of the gutter! 

In all seriousness, why do we make things seem as if they are so difficult? Well, because they are! Duh!! 

Actually, no, they aren’t. They can be anything you want them to be. In my case for this episode, I’m going to talk about work and life in general. Now, I know that there are genuinely some problematic aspects to life; I’m not denying that. What I am referring to are the things that we can control and how we react to everything in life.

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Episode 19: Why is it so Hard?

Failing Imperfectly
Failing Imperfectly
Episode 19: Why is it so Hard?
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Why is life so difficult? Why can’t we just get a break? There are things about life that we cannot help, but there are so many that we can. I’ll tell you how I am working to overcome my mindset about the difficulties in life.

Follow Up: I Can’t Do What I Need in My Own Home

I wrote Fear: I Can’t Do What I Need in My Own Home a few months ago, but I have returned to this fear and to this struggle. This time is different. I offered to let a friend stay with us until her renters move out at the end of May. She has stayed with us for just about a month and it has been one of the most difficult months of my life.

I have a deep rooted need for control, especially in my own home. My friend is so different from me, which isn’t a bad thing, that her schedule each day is completely different. She cooks separate meals at a much later time. She doesn’t get up very early in the morning and the room she is in is right next to my office. None of these are major issues, simply things that change my way of living.

I am a creature of habit and am very specific about how my things are used and treated. I have lost my ability to play music before 8:00 am on a work day or to leave my office door open all day, whether or not I’m on a work call. I am struggling with someone else using all of my dishes and cooking in my kitchen. I am struggling with my refrigerator being extremely full. Oh and we are still in the recommendation of social distancing and her office is still not fully open.

I am struggling with impacting her life or inconveniencing her. It is a mix of me being more worried about her than myself and me being possessive. I am struggling with another cook in my kitchen, a really fucking awesome cook at that.

I feel like this season happened to help me grow. I am being pushed outside of my comfort zone and it is definitely uncomfortable. There is nothing my friend is doing wrong. She hasn’t broken or ruined anything in the kitchen. This is all me and I know it.

I’ve also come to realize that I really suck at small talk. As in, I don’t know how to do it. At all. I struggle with being told the same story multiple times.

Why am I sharing this? Because I know I am not the only one struggling with the need for complete control or the only one who sucks as small talk. I know that you might be just like me.

I also know that no matter how difficult this season feels, I am growing through it. There is something I’m meant to learn from it. Maybe my capacity for not having complete control is being expanded a little. Maybe I’m being challenged to learn how to engage in small talk. I haven’t figured out exactly what my takeaway or takeaways will be, but I know that I keep finding myself in this situation for a reason.

What is currently challenging you?

Rise to Your Potential

Never let a good crisis go to waste. It’s the universe challenging you to learn something new and rise to the next level of your potential.”

Kristen Ulmer

I read this quote in Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss and immediately it dawned on me that this is life right now. We are all living in this pandemic, this crisis. Life is challenging for everyone right now, some much more so than others. Either we can lean into this challenge and come out of it better than we came in, or we can stay stuck in the challenge and how we’ve been impacted.

I’m not going to lie. Other than not being able to get out into the mountains, I’m enjoying being “stuck” at home. I am blessed that I get to enjoy this time. I am not sick with the horrible effects of COVID-19, nor have I lost my job and am financially struggling. I am in my home, working on renovations, working at my awesome job enriching the lives of seniors, spending time with my husband and pups. I am blessed.

So how does this quote actually apply to my life?

This crisis has taken away some of my excuses for not being able to work on my dreams. It has also given me the ability to refinance and put more money into my home. The crisis has given me more opportunities to grow, both personally and professionally.

I am being challenged and my fire is burning brighter to bring this blog into something more than I’ve trudged along with. I’m being challenged to expand my way of thinking and conquer my fears.

When Kristen wrote the above quote, I am sure she had no idea what would come in just a few short years (the book was published in 2017). Nobody did. What she had was the experience of personal crises that led her to develop her next level potential. I believe that Kristen’s quote can apply to almost any crisis. The only qualifier is how each one of us looks at whatever crises we are living through.

The crisis today is the pandemic and the many stay at home orders that have been enacted across the country and the world. Life has changed dramatically in just a few short weeks. Or long weeks depending on how you look at them. This crisis is challenging every single human in one way or another. Most of us will come out of it. The question is, what will have changed for us personally when we do?

How are you going to use this crisis, this pandemic, to grow and come out the other side stronger? Are you even going to use this time to grow? Or are you going to sit at home and whine about how shitty it is that we can’t go shopping or out to eat or to hang out with other people? How are you going to leverage this time?

I’ll tell you what I’m doing to leverage it. I’m working my ass off. I’m working for the company I get a paycheck from to enrich the lives of seniors AND I’m working on my personal goals. I’m not giving up and complaining about what was normal and what I can’t have. I’m creating my own new normal. My new normal makes life different than just a few weeks ago and will have my life different as we come out of the crisis.

Are you still taking for granted all of the blessings you have?

Are you only complaining about what you can’t do?

Are you only recognizing the pain in our world?

Are you ignoring what opportunities have been opened by being home more?

Are you forgetting that this is temporary, even if that temporary is longer than you want?

Are you ignoring the fact that we as a society always come out to the other side?

What are you focusing your mind on?

Have you even stopped to ponder anything other than your frustrations?

Yes, this pandemic fucking sucks. Yes, people are dying, Yes, people have lost their jobs. Yes, people are working in shitty conditions. Yes, our economy is not as strong as it was. Yes, yes, yes. There is so much struggle and pain in this crisis. Yes, we need to acknowledge that. But those people who are working our asses off don’t need us to dwell on the pain and the struggle. They need us to get our shit together so we can come out the other side.

Getting our shit together will look different for every single person. Getting our shit together may be as simple as not going out just to go out. Getting our shit together may be going after those goals and dreams that we keep putting aside because that will help our economy in the long-run OR it might help one of those people working their ass off have a little humor or inspiration in their day.

What are you learning during this crisis? How are you going to rise to your potential?

Mistakes

We all make mistakes. Small mistakes. Big mistakes. Mistakes that later become the best decision we could have made. Mistakes that others don’t even see as a mistake.

The problem with mistakes isn’t the mistake itself. Well, sometimes, but not always. For me, it is definitely living in fear every day, every hour, every minute, every second, that I will make a mistake. The fear keeps me from allowing myself to just live. The fear keeps me from reaching higher and higher in life. The fear literally runs my life.

But how did I get to this point? How does anybody get to this point?

I can tell you that I battle with this fear because of my upbringing. I was constantly getting yelled at for almost everything I did. My parents were always yelling at each other for the littlest things. I would get in trouble for everything my sisters did that was wrong in my parents’ mind.

The only mistake I couldn’t make was doing okay in school and graduating. I did better than okay in school, until college. Then I did okay. But that wasn’t a mistake.

Because I was always yelled at, I fear doing absolutely anything wrong. I had a few good years where I just didn’t give a shit. Alcohol enabled those years. I drank entirely too much. Most people would call that a mistake. I don’t. I was able to live almost carefree and just enjoy life. No, I wasn’t true to who I am as a person, but it was freeing to not care.

Once I came back to real life and started to care, my fear ballooned. I wish I could tell you that I’ve overcome this fear and I can tell you how to as well. But I haven’t.

What I can tell you is that I push the fear everyday. I push it so I can see that what I might think will be a mistake, isn’t. I push it so I can grow. Living my life in fear of making mistakes makes living a rewarding and happy life very difficult. To help overcome the fear, I work on my mind and beliefs.

I have a lot of messed up beliefs about life and how things should be. That gives into my fear of making mistakes. So, I listen to self-help books on audible while I get ready for work in the morning. I read self-help when I pick up my Kindle. I embrace those cheesy positivity quotes. I even share them. And I come here to share with you my experiences.

Fear is not easy to overcome. Fear is ingrained in all of us. It’s how humans have survived so many years. But our fears do not evolve as we get older without work. Fear will not resolve itself as we coast through life.

Don’t let the fear of making a mistake hold you back in life. Challenge yourself. Break yourself.

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