I am a very black and white person. It is or it isn’t. I only see gray on a few things, like my professional career. For most of my life, I ask the black and white questions: Can I do X without failing? This usually holds me back. It keeps me from exploring that thing that I might want to do.
So when I heard one of my mentors talk about asking the right questions, I had to stop to meditate on what they were implying. The thing is, we tend to ask the same question over and over. We don’t ever change it to see a different point of view. You probably see this happening most when you are fighting with your spouse. You or your spouse says the same thing multiple times because the other person isn’t responding the way you want to doesn’t understand your point. What if we changed the question? What if we put it a different way?
I have started to do this when talking to Eddie. We rarely fight, usually just have disagreements, but it all comes down to miscommunication. You see, we are creatures of habit and we speak how we understand things. We plan in a way that we understand. We look to the future in a way that we understand. When people suggest something that is different than what we know, more often than not, we get uncomfortable and want to stay in our comfort zone.
It’s time that we break up with our comfort zone and start asking different questions. Here is an example:
Question/Goal: I want to lose 20 pounds
New Question/Goal: I want to eat a healthier diet
Question/Goal: How do I get millions of followers to become the well-respected life coach I want to be?
New Question/Goal: What do I need to start doing today that will lay the foundation to eventually become a well-respected life coach?
Here’s the thing, we tend to ask questions about our end goal, about the big thing that we want to accomplish. We don’t ask ourselves how other’s did it or what are the little steps that, if we take them now, will lead us to the big goal.
Here is another one:
Question: Why can’t I quit drinking alcohol when I’m around Sally?
New Question: What is it about drinking alcohol that makes lunch with Sally better?
It’s time to stop living in a black and white world. There is so much gray area that we can make brighter if we start asking different questions. No longer is it just this or that. We are in new times with new technologies and possibilities that we can ask the same question in so many different ways that we can get so many different answers.
When I started this blog, I wanted to grow and become a life coach in just a few months. I wanted to be making millions and quit my project management career. Why? Because that is what all the life coaches do. I was asking the wrong question. That isn’t my focus. Following in their path isn’t my path. I have my own path and I need to ask myself different questions to get me to where I am fulfilled and happy.
What questions can you change to ask differently? What is the new answer?