Finding Motivation

Motivation is a bitch to find. Some days it is slapping us in the face and other days it is nowhere to be found. Days can go by before motivation shows up and then it disappears before it makes any kind of difference. Nothing can be done until motivation shows back up. Just waiting for motivation to come back.

Does this sound like you? Are you sitting around, waiting for motivation to do that thing you keep putting off? Why? Seriously, why are you waiting for motivation?

Motivation isn’t something you will always have. The top one percent of performers aren’t always motivated. Motivation doesn’t come natural to anybody, even that top performers. You know what comes naturally? Procrastination. Laziness. Waiting.

Life isn’t about finding the motivation to get things done or waiting for motivation to start working towards that goal. You have to manufacture motivation. You have to be consistent. You have to do that thing even when you don’t feel like it. If you keep waiting for motivation, if you keep waiting to feel like doing it, you will get nowhere.

How do I know? Fucking experience.

Ha, yeah right. I’m sitting here reading this blog. You have to be motivated to keep up the schedule of posting that you do.

No. I’m not motivated every single day to get a blog post written. I’m not motivated to share my thoughts all of the time. As I’m sitting here writing this post, I have procrastinated on my goals this week, including writing. I’ve talked to those close to me about starting a podcast. I’m not motivated to record audio, so I haven’t done it. Writing is easy, recording audio is not. Even though writing is easy, it takes effort. And truthfully, I may have just said it was easy, but it isn’t always. Sometime I can’t come up with anything to share with you. Sometimes I procrastinate because I’m in a mood and can’t figure out what to say.

I am not always motivated. The only reason you see such consistency with these posts is that I am determined. I am determined to put my thoughts and my learnings out there. I am determined to be the friend, sister, role model, mentor, confidant, whatever, that I never had until I started my own personal growth journey. Even if this is the only post you ever read of mine, my goal is that you take something away from it. This may sound like motivation and yes, it kind of is. But putting thoughts and feelings out to the world and people I don’t personally know is not motivating. It is scary.

Motivation doesn’t always show up in my life. Determination and consistency doesn’t always show up. Procrastination is a bigger player in my life than I care to admit. But you know what? Every time I push through that procrastination and get something done, my motivation meter fills up a little.

Whatever you keep putting off, whatever you want to do, just make it happen. Take the first step. One step at a time. That is all it takes. One step.

I Don’t Qualify

Have you ever muttered these words to yourself? Did you just have movie reel roll through displaying all of the times you have, or did you say no? If you said no, I would like to meet you because everybody I know has disqualified themselves at one point or another. How do I know that? Because we all say it for so many things.

I am extremely guilty of disqualifying myself before even taking a chance. I used to do it for my career. I’ve done it for this website. I’ve done it for our overlanding adventures. I do it frequently for my looks and my body size. I do it when thinking about how good of a friend I might be. Or wife. It is so much easier to say “I don’t qualify” or “I am not good enough” or “I don’t have what it takes”, than it is to put one foot out there and say “hey, I’m here and I’ve got this”.

But you know what? We are going to stay exactly where we are if we don’t take the fucking first step! As Brené Brown refers to this, it’s okay to dive into your Fucking First Time (FFT). How does a first time align with whether or not we qualify? Um, because most of the time that I have disqualified myself, it has been for something I would be doing for the first time. It is far easier to disqualify myself than it is to do something for the fucking first time.

FFTs suck!! We are more often than not going to either fail, trip over ourselves, or stumble along for a while when we do something for the first time. It is scary and intimidating. But what usually happens after that failure or stumbling period? We start to excel and then we succeed. But we can’t get to the point of success if we don’t embrace the suck first.

Stop looking to disqualify yourself.

Trent Shelton

I have spent most of my life disqualifying myself for one reason or another. I probably do it at least once a day. That sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Well, it is. Every single time I disqualify myself, I hold myself back. I tell myself that I’m not good enough. I tell myself that I don’t believe in myself. THAT, that is depressing.

I know that if I were to flip that thought every time I have it, my life would change drastically. I would improve my own impression of myself and I would be dramatically less stressed and dramatically happier. But it isn’t that easy. We can hear a quote or hear a statement and fall in love with it and know that we need to apply it to our lives, but then go about life and never actually apply it. How often do you do that? Me, I do it all of the time.

I’m finding that I have done so much personal development reading and listening and training and yet, I can’t remember it all. Why? Because I read it or hear it and then move on with life. I disqualify the importance of application.

I am here to say, I qualify. I am a badass woman and I deserve everything I want. I qualify. I qualify. I qualify. And I’m going to remind myself that every single day. I’m going to use the power of my phone wallpaper and reminders. I am setting reminders as soon as I’m done typing this to tell myself I qualify.

Are you willing to do the work and tell yourself multiple times a day that you qualify? How are you going to do it?

Fear of the Future

I sat down tonight to work on my road map to accomplish my dreams. I sat down to listen to Rachel Hollis explain how she does it and during the meditation, a realization hit me in the face. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid to fully let myself dream and see myself in that dream. I’ve been holding myself back because I can’t see myself in the future that I’m trying to create for myself.

I’m still stuck in the future that we left behind. I’m stuck and I haven’t allowed myself to grieve and move on the way I need to. I have let my fear of a different future hold me back.

The future I am stuck in has us raising children. I don’t know why I’m stuck there, we have made the decision and I’m truly happy with the decision to not have children. Maybe there’s a part of me that still wants to feel the baby growing within me. Maybe there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to let go just yet.

I am happy without children. I have found oh so many blessings in not having children. I couldn’t consciously imagine having children anymore, it just isn’t part of my life. But when I daydream as I’m falling asleep, I can’t envision a different future.

I have spent so much of my life daydreaming different scenarios of having children. I have spent so many sleepless nights conjuring up these amazing futures in imagination of children and happiness.

But I haven’t pivoted those dreams. I haven’t pivoted those thoughts right as I fall asleep. I haven’t fully allowed myself to move on.

As I was listening to Rachel, I realized that I have been fearful of the unknown. I don’t know people in my inner circle who have lived child-free lives. I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t know where I want to be in five years let alone ten years. I haven’t allowed myself to fully dream the new dreams.

I have work to do. I am going to get back to this video and start working on dreaming up my new future. I am going to push through the fear of the unknown to create a new future, even if I don’t have any examples of what I’m going to dream up.

Where do you see yourself in five years? What about ten years?

Excuses

Excuses, we all have them. Chances are, you, like me, try to justify an excuse. Chances are, you don’t know that what you are saying is truly just an excuse because you believe in it so deeply.

In You Are A Badass Everyday Jen Sincero states “We get extremely defensive about our excuses, because excuses free us from taking responsibility for our lives.” I can easily think back to many times that I was adamant about what I was saying or doing and realize that I was just rattling off excuses. Excuses are part of every person’s life regardless of how successful or centered they are. Excuses are something that we will always have to overcome.

If you look back to my previous post, Making Fun of Me, you will probably be able to identify some pretty obvious excuses in it. I sure do.

It is easier to look back and identify excuses than to identify them when you are living them. In fact, I only occasionally can identify excuses right when I’m making them. I can sit here writing all of this and realize that almost every reason I have after work and after dinner to not work on my dreams are probably just excuses. One of my biggest excuses is that Eddie just wants to watch TV. So?! Why can’t I do something else? Because I just want to relax on the couch and not in my office and I can’t write or read or do a coaching with the TV on.

I keep letting this excuses hold me back over and over and over. It is one of my most frequent excuses I use. How do I overcome it? By being intentional and finding other places to sit and relax. Yes, my couch is comfortable as hell, but so is my bean bag in my nerd nook. And soon the chairs on the porch will be usable because it will be warm enough for me to sit outside. Remember all of those years laying in bed reading when I were growing up that you treasured? Why don’t I do the same thing now? I have a wonderfully comfortable bed that would be great for reading. Why? Because I want to cuddle with the dogs and they aren’t allowed in the bed. That my friend is just one more excuse.

Are you getting the picture? Do you see how little things that don’t seem like excuses actually are?

What excuses are getting in your way of your dreams?

I Don't Know How to Set Goals

I’m not a goal setter.

Goals are too restrictive.

I was never taught how to set goals.

Goals aren’t achievable in my life.

I’ve set goals before but have never accomplished them, it’s no use.

Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking any of those? I have. The one I used to use the most was “I’m not a goal setter.” I would come back to that over and over again. I look back now and see that it was just another excuse to stay stuck, to not do hard things.

I wasn’t ever taught how to set goals, but for some reason, that was never an excuse for me. I actually didn’t learn how to set goals until within the last couple of years and it still took me time before I set goals.

In my opinion, goals require feeling behind them. If I set a goal and I am not emotionally vested in the outcome, I’m never going to do the work required to reach that goal. If I set a goal that I’m kinda invested in, but am not sure how I truly feel about it, then I’m still not going to do the work. I have to feel into what I want the outcome to be before I will actually put in the work.

Goals can be huge or they can be extremely simple. It doesn’t matter. One of my goals right now is to get through this social distancing a stronger person. Most days have been downright difficult. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Especially because I’m an introverted homebody. But I hit a low point and it took a day or so to realize what the hell was making me forget ALL of the work I’ve done.

Another goal I have is to plant and truly take care of some herbs. I have these cool planters, but I always let the herbs die. I don’t plan enough meals to use the fresh herbs. Now I’m looking to find more meals to make that use the herbs that I plant.

A big goal that I have that I keep having to come back to is to become debt free. It isn’t an easy goal to achieve, especially when there is so much to buy and make life easy. Or food to eat. Or cute clothes that can make me feel better in my own skin. Or, or, or. To accomplish this goal, I’ll have to make a huge mindset shift. And I have, but then I get lax on my mindset and it goes to hell. Each day I am closer to achieving my goal, the more I feel the feeling of relief and joy.

So how do you set goals?

You have to have things that you are emotionally invested in achieving. Did you read my last post I Don’t Know How to Dream? If you haven’t, go back and read it.

To know what goals to reach for, you have to know what your dream for your life is. You have to sit down and truly look into the future and what you want out of your life. You cannot just simply set a goal and hope for the best. You have to be invested in the goal.

Setting goals just to set goals doesn’t work. If you set a goal to run a 10K but have absolutely no interest in running or physically cannot run, you aren’t going to achieve that goal. If you set a goal to become a millionaire but have no interest in working your ass off, then you aren’t going to reach it. If you set a goal to pay off your debt but keep spending frivolously, you are never going to pay that debt off.

Take all of the dreams you wrote down from the previous post and break them down into action items. Some with have high level action items that break down even further. That’s good. Those are your stepping stones. Keep breaking these steps down until you have actionable steps that you can achieve one after the other. You just set goals. Each of those actionable steps is a goal.

You can set goals. You just have to get out of your own way and allow yourself to dream and become emotionally invested in those dreams.

What are some goals you are working towards right now?