I hate crowds. HATE crowds. In any situation. For many different reasons. Crowds stress me out and ruin my mood. It doesn’t matter if the crowd is the crowds at the mall, in the mountains, or large family gatherings. Crowds are not for me.
I used to think this was just a factor of being introverted. I believe, and I haven’t researched this, that many introverts are also empaths. I am both. I am an introvert and an am empath. I believe both prefer to avoid crowds.
Crowds drain me. It’s like they suck all of my energy out of me without me being able to control it. After being in or near crowds, I need to be alone. It makes life difficult around holidays or when camping in busy times. Going shopping, grocery or for “fun”, is difficult too. Hiking is miserable when other people are on the trail. Conferences are two-fold for me.
I cannot define how many people determines a crowd to me as it varies based on the day. Sometimes a crowd is as simple as just a few people hanging out. Most of the time, it is anything that most people would say is a small group. All of the time, it is mass quantities of people in one location.
No matter the occasion, as the volume of the group goes up, my energy and ability to function in the group goes down. I think that there is a part of this that has nothing to do with being an empath or being introverted. I can hear everything and I am always tuned in to everything going on around me. When there are a lot of conversations or a lot of people doing things, my senses and my brain absorb all of it. No matter how much I try, I cannot figure out how to shut this off. Hell, meditation in my nerd nook in my office can be difficult depending on the dogs moving around, people staying with us, or merely the sounds coming from the windows at 5:30 am.
When I know I’m going to be around large crowds, or crowds in general, I’ve learned to try to plan time to desensitize and recharge. I haven’t mastered it around holidays when we are visiting family because I am also contending with my need to make sure I’m not being too rude by taking time to be by myself, but I do plan around the trip. I have learned that for almost any vacation, I need to take time to recharge once we get home before jumping back into work. I always plan BBQs on Friday or Saturday, or on Sunday when it is a holiday three-day weekend. I used to do this to make sure I had a recovery day from drinking, but now I continue so I can recharge after having people over.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our family and friends. I love hosting for people to come over. I love seeing our nieces and nephews. But I also get physically and emotionally drained by it. The key for me, whether I’m an empath or an introvert, or just me, is to plan around crowds. If I plan for time to recharge after being around a crowd of any size, then I can handle crowds more often. If I don’t plan, my over-stimulation takes over and my emotions and reactions become a damn mess. Just another reason I plan pretty much everything about my life.