The Reason is Fear

My last post was a follow up to one from a couple months ago and today’s post is kind of a summarization of what I’m realizing the common theme is.

The theme is fear. The reason is fear. Fear is what causes my need to people please. Fear is the root of feeling like I can’t live my life, my way, in my own home.

This fear is irrational and is obviously ruining my days and weeks when other people stay long-term in my home. I have allowed this fear to control everything about me. It paralyzes me. I allow it to paralyze me.

I am laying here on the couch writing this as my friend is at the lake for the weekend. Sigh of relief, I have my home back. It feels refreshing.

Then I think of her returning and all of the things I can’t do so I don’t wake her in the morning or offend her or give her reason to judge me for what I am working on. I can’t listen to anything with my office door open. I can’t record in my own office so she doesn’t hear me and can’t judge me. I can’t go about my day the way I am used to.

It’s not just her. It is anybody that stays with us. I tell myself I can’t do all of these things so I don’t inconvenience our guests. Their comfort in my home is more important than my comfort in my home.

Why?

Fear.

Where does this fear stem from? Why do I continue to let it rule and ruin my life? Why don’t I just stop and do my thing in my home?

This fear stems from always getting in trouble for making any kind of noise in the house at anytime that interrupted my parents. It isn’t just about music. This had been ingrained in me so much that walking hard of the wood floor terrifies me and when other people do it, pisses me off or makes me think they are angry. Making any kind of noise with dishes, plates or pots and pans or anything, when moving about the kitchen is torture to me. Why are you so angry that you have to slam the dishes around? I’m so sorry I made noise when I put the pan away.

Noises. Any kind of them. They all cause me deep rooted fear of inconveniencing others or pissing them off. I don’t want to make other people angry. I do everything possible to make people happy because when they are angry I’ve obviously done something wrong.

This fear is as deep as any fear can be. And writing this post is helping me to identify is better than I ever have. Just thinking about all of the noises that cause me fear in my own home has made me realize that this is most definitely a bigger issue to work on than just people staying in my home and me feeling that I can’t live a normal life. I mean, I don’t typically make noise when Eddie is sleeping in on the weekends. If I do, there are multiple doors and a pillow covering his ears so he can’t hear me.

It definitely isn’t them. It’s me.

I continue to live with this fear because it hurts so deep when I feel I’ve been too loud or pissed someone off. This pain is more than just in my bones. It’s is my entire being. It literally takes over my body and mind. Pushing against that pain and fear causes more pain and fear.

The only way I can see to push back against the fear and overcome the pain is to start small. Small noises. Maybe some music with the door closed. Maybe not yelling at Eddie to stop stomping or asking him why he is so angry that he has to stomp. Maybe recording the next video in my office regardless of who is in the guest room next to me. Maybe working from the couch when I want and asking my mother-in-law to turn the TV down (you know, the next time she is here). Maybe listening to the next morning show with the office door open. All the while not saying sorry.

Maybe one little step at a time will help me to overcome the pain from the fear. Maybe it will help to break down that fear and that wall. Maybe I can finally release myself from the fear of noise pissing other people off.

Maybe.

Follow Up: I Can’t Do What I Need in My Own Home

I wrote Fear: I Can’t Do What I Need in My Own Home a few months ago, but I have returned to this fear and to this struggle. This time is different. I offered to let a friend stay with us until her renters move out at the end of May. She has stayed with us for just about a month and it has been one of the most difficult months of my life.

I have a deep rooted need for control, especially in my own home. My friend is so different from me, which isn’t a bad thing, that her schedule each day is completely different. She cooks separate meals at a much later time. She doesn’t get up very early in the morning and the room she is in is right next to my office. None of these are major issues, simply things that change my way of living.

I am a creature of habit and am very specific about how my things are used and treated. I have lost my ability to play music before 8:00 am on a work day or to leave my office door open all day, whether or not I’m on a work call. I am struggling with someone else using all of my dishes and cooking in my kitchen. I am struggling with my refrigerator being extremely full. Oh and we are still in the recommendation of social distancing and her office is still not fully open.

I am struggling with impacting her life or inconveniencing her. It is a mix of me being more worried about her than myself and me being possessive. I am struggling with another cook in my kitchen, a really fucking awesome cook at that.

I feel like this season happened to help me grow. I am being pushed outside of my comfort zone and it is definitely uncomfortable. There is nothing my friend is doing wrong. She hasn’t broken or ruined anything in the kitchen. This is all me and I know it.

I’ve also come to realize that I really suck at small talk. As in, I don’t know how to do it. At all. I struggle with being told the same story multiple times.

Why am I sharing this? Because I know I am not the only one struggling with the need for complete control or the only one who sucks as small talk. I know that you might be just like me.

I also know that no matter how difficult this season feels, I am growing through it. There is something I’m meant to learn from it. Maybe my capacity for not having complete control is being expanded a little. Maybe I’m being challenged to learn how to engage in small talk. I haven’t figured out exactly what my takeaway or takeaways will be, but I know that I keep finding myself in this situation for a reason.

What is currently challenging you?

Fear of the Future

I sat down tonight to work on my road map to accomplish my dreams. I sat down to listen to Rachel Hollis explain how she does it and during the meditation, a realization hit me in the face. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid to fully let myself dream and see myself in that dream. I’ve been holding myself back because I can’t see myself in the future that I’m trying to create for myself.

I’m still stuck in the future that we left behind. I’m stuck and I haven’t allowed myself to grieve and move on the way I need to. I have let my fear of a different future hold me back.

The future I am stuck in has us raising children. I don’t know why I’m stuck there, we have made the decision and I’m truly happy with the decision to not have children. Maybe there’s a part of me that still wants to feel the baby growing within me. Maybe there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to let go just yet.

I am happy without children. I have found oh so many blessings in not having children. I couldn’t consciously imagine having children anymore, it just isn’t part of my life. But when I daydream as I’m falling asleep, I can’t envision a different future.

I have spent so much of my life daydreaming different scenarios of having children. I have spent so many sleepless nights conjuring up these amazing futures in imagination of children and happiness.

But I haven’t pivoted those dreams. I haven’t pivoted those thoughts right as I fall asleep. I haven’t fully allowed myself to move on.

As I was listening to Rachel, I realized that I have been fearful of the unknown. I don’t know people in my inner circle who have lived child-free lives. I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t know where I want to be in five years let alone ten years. I haven’t allowed myself to fully dream the new dreams.

I have work to do. I am going to get back to this video and start working on dreaming up my new future. I am going to push through the fear of the unknown to create a new future, even if I don’t have any examples of what I’m going to dream up.

Where do you see yourself in five years? What about ten years?

Embarrassed

Embarrassed. That’s how I have lived most of my life.

I’ve always been embarrassed for one reason or another. Why? Because I heard so many negative things about so many people, including me, that I was so afraid to be one of those people who prompted the negativity. I didn’t want to continue being the person people made fun of for anything and everything. I didn’t want to be the person that my parents talked so much shit about.

I tried and succeed at so many things in life, but I’ve still been embarrassed about them. Bachelors degree. Check. Embarrassed about it? You betcha. Master degree. Check. Embarrassed about it? Even more so than the bachelor degree. Being hired for a high paying job. Check. Embarrassed about it? Absofuckinglutely. Live in a beautiful house that we’ve renovated to make beautiful. Check. Embarrassed about it? Yup.

I can go on and on and on about everything I’m embarrassed about. Hell, in a lot of situations I’m even embarrassed about the quality of my marriage. Why? Why am I so embarrassed about all of these things?

Because in my parents eyes, I am too good for other people. I am the person they would incessantly talk shit about. I am living the life that my parents never could imagine actually having. They could only see it from afar and talk shit about it. When you are a young, impressionable child, that leaves a lasting impact. For me, it left a scar. For others, it determines how limited the child will become.

If I’ve been so successful so far, then why does this quote make sense to me?

Trent said this in one of his podcasts recently among a lot of other truths. This one, this one really stuck with me.

I am not more successful in my personal endeavors because I’m embarrassed about getting successful. I’m too embarrassed about what my parents would say so I hold myself back. Most people refer to what their parents would say about wearing a racy outfit or the like. My early life was spent hearing other criticisms.

So what am I going to do about it?

Put one foot forward. Remind myself that my success depends on me breaking the barriers and stigma that is so ingrained in my subconscious. I’m going to keep going. I’m going to keep posting these posts and posting my YouTube videos regardless of how few followers I have. I am going to keep working on developing my style of overlanding YouTube sharing. I am not going to give up because I am embarrassed. I am going to push through that discomfort because the only path to the success that I want is through the embarrassment and fear.

Remember my Imperfect Warriors, you already have what it takes, believe in yourself and crush
every failure on your way to your dreams. Let’s be imperfect together.

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs have plagued my life for as long as I can remember. The difference between now and the past is that I actually know what limiting beliefs are and how to identify them. The problem today is whether or not I stop long enough to check-in with myself to identify the limiting beliefs floating through my mind.

No matter how much I learn about identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs, I still run into times when I have a light bulb moment and realize that I’ve been living through a season of believing one limiting belief or another. This happened to me recently and I want to share with you what I did once I identified it.

I say it, but actually there are a couple of limiting beliefs that I identified I was believing around the same time. One in my current profession and one for this website and my goals for it. I first identified my limiting belief with Failing Imperfectly.

I’ve been holding myself back in what I share and how I grow this website and the Failing Imperfectly YouTube. Why? A myriad of reasons. Mostly starting with fears that I’m not good enough yet. Yep, I still battle those fears. The fear of not being good enough yet spawns into the fear that I’m not qualified yet. Those two fears grouped together are why I haven’t grown Failing Imperfectly into what I want it to be.

I have kept my website limited and I’ve sure as hell limited my interactions with YouTube. I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t say this or that and that I can’t produce free downloads or programs because I am not far enough along in my own journey and because I have not been through a coach certification program yet.

I sat down to finish uploading a couple of free resources that I made based on one of my first YouTube videos and realized I really didn’t like my website. Why? Because I kept it very basic and refrained from making statements about what the website is about. I was trying to dabble in two completely different directions that didn’t compliment each other. I didn’t want to say that I was here to offer advice because I have not yet done a certification program. I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t feel qualified. But you know what? I have been misleading myself because I want to be out here inspiring you through real life examples of overcoming all of these challenges I keep sharing, but I didn’t want to consider my learning experiences worthy of being considered advice.

Yes, there are qualification programs for coaches and yes, I will probably participate in one or more in the future. But that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I know I can do today. What can I do? Take everything I learn from other coaches, from my mentors, and share it with you as I apply it to my life. As I learn, I also develop my own methods. I can share those with you. My limiting beliefs had me stuck in a hamster wheel spinning about adding only a small amount of value to your life. The only way I’m going to continue to improve is by doing what I do now and pushing into what I envision at the same time. I don’t need any specific certification to add value to your life by sharing mine and how I overcome challenges.

The second limiting belief I identified was after I had the above realization. I’ve been paranoid about being good enough for the role I have at work and being dedicated enough. Why good enough? I have absolutely no idea. I know I am good enough, even if I have things to learn to be an expert in my role. Dedicated enough? That comes from the current situation with everybody working from home and me not wanting to be seen as a slacker if I took a break. I do this with every job that I work from home with. It’s a recurring challenge for me. This time I identified it earlier.

How does this all connect? The limiting beliefs that I have been living through have been holding me back from the greatness I know I can achieve. How do I plan to overcome these limiting beliefs?

First, I updated my website and finally made some statements about what you will find here. I also uploaded some free resources that you can find here.

Second, I stoked the fire in me that wants to build this website into a coaching business. Yes, I dream of being a respected life coach. I don’t know if I want to be as well known as Rachel Hollis, but I’m not limiting myself to anything less than being a fucking awesome life coach.

And lastly, I need to take breaks while working because if I don’t, I burn out and produce shit for work. I have to take care of myself to be the best at anything I do.

Relapse

Just the other day I was coasting along through life doing absolutely fantastic at identifying when my inner critic chimed in and started leading me down a path, or when my anxiety was starting to flare and cause panic, or even when I was about to go down a road of fear, misunderstanding, and old habits. I was fucking rocking it. I’m rocking it right now.

But I hit a week where that was no longer true. This was a week of confusion, what felt like extreme exhaustion, bickering because I couldn’t put myself first no matter what Eddie said, staying inside feeling trapped, and so much more. I was struggling but I wasn’t able to identify it. I didn’t identify it until one morning after we had our worst bicker in so long I can’t even remember how long it has been.

This week was the first week I was home, restricted from traveling, restricted from going to yoga, restricted from buying groceries because people cleared the stores out, and the weather was gray and dreary. This was the first week that the COVID-19 panic truly set in. This was also the week that the largest earthquake in 10 years hit Utah.

It was a funky, weird week. There was nothing normal about this week and it truly showed in my mood. And my emotional reactions. Thank God I was not on my period during this week, Eddie would have lost his mind.

I am calling this my relapse week because I lost all knowledge and connection to the work I have been doing over the years. I didn’t really even know who I was. I was merely going through the motions, barely getting by each day. Have you had a day like this recently? Or even a week?

How do you handle your relapses? I assume this will happen more than once in my life. I assume I will encounter this discomfort again in the future. I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I would say this probably wasn’t the first time that I got to this point. I relapsed when we were going through infertility treatments. I relapsed when I couldn’t barely walk before my spinal fusion. I haven’t even been on this good track for a year. But this relapse was the shortest.

I was able to identify that something wasn’t right after we had a pretty bad bicker. It was the end of the day and I was chillaxing on the couch. It was weird that I started to realize what just happened. I literally had this “what the fuck” moment. I felt blindsided that this relapse had happened. But then I started to think through the progression.

I worked through identifying how the spiral happened. I identified what the warning signs would have been. I discovered what the triggers were that sent me to the full relapse point. I pretty much retraced the entire week. Then I made a decision.

I decided that the following day would be a fresh start. After all, each new day truly is a fresh start.

So I did. I started fresh. I woke up early like I normally do automatically. I had my morning doing my Start Today Journal and Planner, I had lots of coffee, meal planned, paid bills, and set my intentions for the day. I started fresh. I started the day just as I would any other day that is a good day.

And you know what? It worked, mostly. I was struggling to come out of the mood, but I was controlling all of my thoughts. I was identifying my feelings. Then we went off-roading. My mood wasn’t the best when we started, but after sticking with the truck at the bottom of a trail that I didn’t want it to go up (hey, it’s perfectly capable, I just don’t like pin striping and I’m not ready to put a scratch in her), I had some time to just gaze into distant mountains and to walk around the hills we were in. This alone time in nature was a Godsend. I needed it. My mood completely changed.

How did I get out of this relapse? I pulled myself out of it by doing the things that enrich myself. I pulled myself out of that relapse by realizing that that person who was showing up that week was not the woman I know that I am. I pulled myself out of that relapse because I’ve been working my ass off to grow emotionally.

I am going to continue to work my ass off because maybe next time instead of a week, my next relapse might be just a day.

Fear: I Can’t Do What I Need in My Own Home

Not long ago we had company for a week. Company that we love having and wouldn’t want to push away. But I work from home. And I tend to work in more locations than just the office with the desk. I have a lounger section of our couch and the kitchen counter that I work from. Working on a laptop makes it easy to have a spare charging cord for mobility and moving wherever I feel.

But, when we had company, I felt like I was stuck in the office. It came to a point that I had to make a decision: let my feelings make me feel like a prisoner because I thought it would be rude to work where I’m the most comfortable, or do what my body needed and find a middle ground.

You see, it isn’t as easy as just hanging out together doing our own thing, the company requires the TV on all day, louder than I prefer. I can’t work with TV all day. I felt like I would be rude if I told the company that they had to turn the TV off or down to accompany me. I felt like I would be an asshole to this person. Some people would tell me that I am rude for just writing about this situation or that I’m being selfish or nitpicky about the situation.

But I really needed my spot on the couch. It was the days before my period and my back was tired. It needed different support than my office chair, I probably could have even laid down some. I physically couldn’t stay in the office without getting more and more uncomfortable.

So, I had to choose, give in to my fear or do what I needed for me.

I chose to try to find a middle ground. I get up and start working much earlier that the company gets up for the day, so I definitely worked on my couch then. As different calls came up I worked with the company to make sure we both got what we needed.

Yes, I felt like a major asshole, but this is my house and I have a right to take care of myself. I have always feared doing something for me over inconveniencing someone else. I ALWAYS put myself out so I wouldn’t cause any issues for anybody else. Fear was running my life in these situations. I deserve to be cared for by myself. Nobody will care for me more than I care for myself and nobody should. Nobody will give me permission to care for myself, I have to give myself that permission.

I am slowing learning to work through my fears and overcome them, especially when it comes to inconveniencing or putting out other people. I 100 percent deserve the same care and respect I give them before I give it to someone else. I am slowing learning to respect for and care for myself first. By caring for myself first, I can give more.

Let that sit with you for a minute. The more I care for myself first, the more I can give. Does that sound backwards to you? It did to me the first time I heard it. Now that I’ve worked on it and started putting myself first, I find it to be so true.

You have to fill your cup before you can fill anybody else’s cup. You can’t give from an empty cup. You can’t give from a tired, worn out self.

You do you and you do you first.

Freedom

All of my life, I was looking outside of myself for freedom to be myself or freedom to be successful or even just the freedom to be loved. As a child, I witnessed that all of these came from external sources. The primary example I had was that nothing good came to me if it wasn’t granted by someone else.

I haven’t had the freedom I always wanted because I kept waiting to be granted it by someone else. I wanted someone else to tell me that it was okay to be myself or that I was successful. I wanted someone to tell me that even if every single person in my life or that I meet doesn’t love me, my love of myself is enough. I kept waiting and waiting, feeling like it never came.

It wasn’t ever going to come. The freedom I was looking for doesn’t come from other people. The freedom I was looking for couldn’t be granted to me by anybody but me.

I didn’t finally learn this until last year. I didn’t fully learn this until I quit drinking completely. I used alcohol as a crutch to be liked for so many years that I didn’t even know who I was, even if I thought I did. It wasn’t until my thoughts became clearer that I could process all of the personal development that I was learning.

I heard many speakers and life coaches say it over and over again, it all starts with you. It all starts with me. I thought I was starting with me. I thought I was leaning into who I wanted to be. I did, some. But my freedom came when I quit drinking and cleared my mind and have been able to lean into who I am without any crutch.

My freedom to be myself and love myself is growing. I am giving myself more freedom to be my loud self. I am giving myself freedom to learn how to have fun, be silly or ridiculous or whatever, and not judge myself for it out of fear that someone else is judging me. I am giving myself the freedom to truly share my shit-show of a family when people ask me if my family still in New Mexico or how many siblings I have. I am no longer hiding any of what I don’t like about my life because there is more freedom in owning it and acknowledging where I came from to get where I am today.

My freedom is truly coming from within. I am no longer looking outside of myself to be granted the freedom I so desperately wanted. I am the only one who can grant myself the freedom I crave and doing so is yet one more step-by-step process.

I grant myself freedom to be whoever I want to be and to be loved by myself first. I grant myself freedom to make choices that not everybody will love. I grant myself freedom to live a happy and healthy life by my design.

Alzheimer’s Gene

A few months ago I decided to finally take a risk and do the 23andMe health test to see if I have the APOE4 gene, the gene that is most referred to as being a risk factor for Alzheimer’s. Before I get into that, let me give you a little back story.

My maternal grandmother was diagnosed with dementia in her 70’s or 80’s, I don’t quite remember, I just knew it was “normal” timing. My mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in her late 40’s. She died at 56. It has been indicated that dementia and Alzheimer’s can be hereditary.

I used to worry about being like my mother and developing early onset Alzheimer’s. I was paranoid about leaving Eddie and our kids before I was 60. I didn’t want young children to see their mother with Alzheimer’s. It isn’t something that is easy to deal with. When kids became a thing that is no longer in our future, some of the anxiety lightened up. I didn’t think about it as often.

Then I found Genius Foods by Max Lugavere. His story resonated with me and the changes he made gave me new information on how to improve my life in the pursuit of delaying or preventing Alzheimer’s. I lost a lot of the fear I had. I started learning more and more. And I still have a lot to learn.

My new found comfort with having the potential knowledge of whether or not I have the gene gave me what I needed to order the test. And black Friday sales.

I spit in the tube and sent it in. I actually started getting excited to know. It was going to give me direction on my thoughts. It was going to change nothing and everything.

I received the results and they show that I have one variant of the APOE4 gene. Only one variant. That barely increases my chances and I’m comfortable with that knowledge. Shortly after I received my test results, I found a podcast by Max Lugavere that gave me even more information that I needed. On the Genius Life podcast episode 80, Max interviewed Dr. Richard Isaacson from Weill Cornell Medicine and New York-Presbyterian.

One in four people carry the APOE4 gene. That makes a lot of people squeamish and for once I can say I am not one of those people. In a new review paper in the Journal of the Prevention of Alzheimer’s Disease, Dr. Isaacson along with a couple others, discussed how using the APOE4 gene can help personalize or guide risk-reduction care for Alzheimer’s disease.

The things that Dr. Isaacson talked about that resonated with me the most are about smoking and physical activity. Smoking seems to press fast-forward towards Alzheimer’s disease. Also, those who are sedentary have higher amyloid levels. I don’t want to get into any of the medical facts because I will not regurgitate them very well, but these two things are things that I can speak to. 

You see, my mother smoked for many, many years. So did her mother. And my mother was not very active. She didn’t take care of herself. I know, these are just two factors in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. But, these are two factors that I think, yes my opinion, can change the trajectory of my risk.

Having the variant of the APOE4 gene shows me that I am at a higher risk than most people. That’s okay, because we are in an age of information that I can find and use to change how I live my life. I’ve already made changes. I get up and move. I try to not be sedentary for hardly any time. I don’t smoke. I did a little in high school, but not very much and I haven’t in years. I even try not to be around cigarette smoke. I have made nutritional changes, and continue to.

Finding out that I have a variant of the APOE4 gene is not a death sentence for me. It really isn’t a death sentence for anybody. It is merely knowledge that we can use to change our current habits for the better. It is knowledge that can help us to take better care of ourselves.

Have you ever wondered if you have the Alzheimer’s gene? Are you fearful of Alzheimer’s? Let’s get the conversation started in the comments.

Here are the links for the sources I mentioned above.

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/905599

https://alz-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1016/j.jalz.2019.08.198

https://www.maxlugavere.com/podcast/richard-isaacson-80

Fear

Fear is a topic that is everywhere I look this week. More than one of the coaches that I learn from have spoken about fear through one of their channels. With one coach, it’s just a focus of theirs. With more than one, yeah, it is something I need to talk about. I don’t know if people are focusing on fear this week because it is Halloween or that it is a coincidence, but fear is a big deal.

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

We all have fears, whether we want to admit it or not. Two of my biggest fears are getting in trouble and being late. I suspect that the second one ultimately leads back to getting in trouble. Other than these two, I have countless fears. A new fear I didn’t know I would develop, is the fear of breaking the screws in my spine.

Our fears can be fears we’ve held for all of our life because we developed them as a child, or they can be brand new fears, developed at any time. Some fears stem from a difficult childhood, some from phobias that are common, and some from life changes.

My fear of getting into trouble most definitely stems from my childhood. My fear of breaking a screw comes from getting the screws added to my spine and seeing pictures and hearing of the pain that comes from broken screws. I can easily identify where those fears come from, but I have no idea where my fear of being late comes from.

Regardless of where our fears originate, they don’t have to rule our lives. I say this while fully disclosing that I have an enormous amount of work to do on my fears. I know that my fears don’t have to rule my life. I also know that I can only tackle overcoming so many fears and other issues at once. If I were to try to overcome everything I need to all at once, I’d be an absolute mess and would most likely give up and go back to my comfort zone.

While Michelle Polar of Hello Fears tackled 100 fears in 100 days, I am taking a different approach. I am working on specific fears alongside other issues over time. Right now, I’m working on my fear of not being loved. I am afraid that my family and friends don’t truly love me and that they just tolerate me. There is so much emotion and feeling from my childhood to unpack with that fear, I couldn’t take on another fear at the same time.

Fear is something that some people only attribute to things like sky diving or cliff jumping. It’s also something that people live with every single day without other people knowing. Fear can be an afterthought, or it can rule our lives.

Fear has ruled my life for so many years. I do not wish the pain that living with fear causes, on anyone. Most of my life, I thought my fears meant I was damaged, unworthy. I was wrong. My fears simply meant that I needed to do work on myself to overcome fear while also learning to love myself first. I know that I can’t expect anyone to love me if I can’t love myself first. But I haven’t always known that. I have put in the work for many years, off and on, and now more consistently, to teach myself how to heal.

My steps to overcome my biggest fears is to identify the fear, dig deep to learn what the root cause of the fear might be and how the fear is triggered, and to learn what is the best thing that can happen if I face that fear.

When was the last time you were facing a fear and asked, what is the best thing that can happen?