Give Your Trust Away

I’ve heard this from a couple of the mentors that I follow. Gary Vee and Trent Shelton say this over and over again. I have been doing this for most of my life without any though. It was only in the past couple of years that I started to pull back on giving my trust away. I was tired of giving it away and getting rolled over. But there is a balance that can be had. A balance that I’m learning.

You see, when you give your trust away, you are open to wherever the relationship may go. When you give your trust away, you aren’t putting arbitrary limits on relationships. When you give your trust away, you aren’t bringing baggage to a relationship from a different relationship. You are starting fresh.

When I started to hold back on giving my trust away, I was bringing hurt and baggage from previous relationships to a new one without ever giving the new one a shot. I started resurrecting walls for people I didn’t even know. I started holding more things in again. I stopped sharing as much. I withheld trust, I withheld information, I withheld love, I withheld opportunities because of the baggage I was bringing.

Each time you withhold trust from a new relationship, you are dumping your baggage into that relationship. You are making it messy before there is ever the possibility of an amazing connection.

I keep referring to relationships in this conversation about trust, because we trust is about you and someone else. It could be about a situation, but most situations involve people. Most trust baggage involves people. People create situations. People are who we either trust or don’t.

I met some of my closest friends about five years ago. I didn’t freely give my trust away. I have been guarded. It has taken me five years to start releasing baggage from other relationships and start leaning into trust with these friends. It has only been in the past few months that I’ve even shared this website or my desire to become a life coach with them. I didn’t trust them.

You know why? Because I brought baggage from other relationships into these relationships. I was afraid of what they would say, I was afraid they wouldn’t want to be my friend, I was afraid they would think I was stupid, all because of situations with other people I gave my trust away to. I gave them pieces of trust through the years, more and more each year, when I wish I had given them all of my trust in the beginning.

Withholding trust doesn’t just affect personal relationships, it affects career relationships too. It can hold you back in your career because you are withholding trust from previous situations. Your previous boss was a dick? Yeah, not going to be fully open with the new boss until I feel him/her out. Bad move. Your previous coworkers kept you at an arm’s length? Not going to get too close to any coworkers at the new place. Bad move, that wasn’t about you, it was about them. The culture at your last job was tumultuous, at best. Not going to lean into the new culture until you can feel it out. Bad move. Jump in and be yourself.

The more we hold back our trust, the more we hold back who we are, the more we limit ourselves. Stop holding back, stop guarding your trust. It’s easy to take your trust back once it has been broken. It’s not easy to remove the baggage of not trusting.

Give your trust away and you will be amazed and the relationships you can and will form. Personally and professionally.

I Expect A Lot

I expect a lot. A lot from myself. A lot from others. I expect that people will show some fucking common courtesy and stop being dumb. Like, why do you feel the need to do a fucking U-turn right outside the crosswalk in front of Costco?!?! Seriously!

My mother-in-law was with us when I was complaining about this. I didn’t go full road rage, but mentioned that they shouldn’t be U-turning in the busiest area of the parking lot. My opinion is that they could have kept going straight and turned down a different aisle to get where they were going. But my mother-in-law mentioned that she decided one day to stop caring what other people do and it made her life better.

Then just two days later, I saw this as I was scrolling Instagram…

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That couldn’t have been better timing. Thanks Gary Vee!

I do expect a lot. What I expect from myself and what I expect from others has some similar roots, but it is quite different.

I don’t know that I can put into a lot of words what I expect from myself. I do know that what I expect of myself all stems from my values and I’m only learning this as I put in the work. My personal values include:

  • Honesty
  • Accountability
  • Courage
  • Wholeheartedness
  • Compassion
  • Acts of Service/Support

The courage one, yeah that’s only been developed in the last few months. The rest are what I see fueling everything I expect from myself. All of those wrap up into me expecting that I will not do harm to another person. In any possible way. Eddie so very frequently puts it as “I cannot inconvenience anybody else for any reason.” He’s right. Most of my life, this has been true. It isn’t until recently that I’m really trying to be true to myself over the fear of inconveniencing someone else.

I have the fear of inconveniencing people because I expect that I will be honest, accountable, and compassionate while supporting and serving others. I don’t ever want to be a drain on other people. Therefore, I would not be the person doing a U-turn right outside the crosswalk in the Costco parking lot. Nope. That goes against my values. And it goes against what I view as a common courtesy.

I expect others to pay the fuck attention and not be dumb. Don’t hold up all of traffic because you want to go down THAT aisle to get to the same exit you could have reached from another aisle. Yes, I assumed the person was leaving. After all, they had just closed the hatch after loading the car in front of Costco. Yes, it sounds like road rage. No, it actually wasn’t. Maybe in my mind, but not verbally or physically.

That is one example of things I expect of others. I expect others not to lie or cause unnecessary drama. Not to say one thing and do another. Not to judge. Not to criticize. All these things I see as common courtesy.

The problem is, I am the one who suffers because of these expectations. Because of these expectations, I get anxiety and panic attacks. I put more pressure on myself to be better and better and better and better to hopefully fix others.

Gary Vee said something in that post that slapped me in the face. He said “So many lack the simple characteristics of empathy to consider maybe the world 🌎 doesn’t revolve around you or at least not at this moment.”

I have never, ever considered my expectation of common courtesy from others as the world revolving around me. But, what if that’s exactly what it is? Maybe I expect this level of common courtesy from others because I feel that everybody should be as courteous as I try to be? Maybe I took the lesson as a kid of “treat others as you wish to be treated” too far. Maybe I took that lesson and how horrible I saw some people behaving and created unrealistic expectations of myself which then translated into the same expectations from others?

It’s definitely possible. I haven’t consciously been expecting the world to revolve around me (um, yeah so far from it), but maybe I need a reality check of why I expect so much from people I don’t even know and some that I do.

Maybe that car at Costco didn’t see ANYBODY around that they would impact. Maybe they didn’t even look. Maybe, whatever.

I need to really meditate on what it means to have empathy for others and how I can adjust my current responses. Empathy. Expectations. They can exist together, but I need to revisit them both.