Stop Apologizing

Rachel Hollis wrote a book directly dedicated to this thought. She talked about all the things that women commonly apologize with. I received this quote on a cute little card in something I ordered from the Hollis Co. and I turned it into a little graphic that I read every day when I go through my gratitude in the morning.

Rachel said this quote in her book Girl, Stop Apologizing and it has resonated with me ever since. I feel like I’m somehow connected to it. Like it is speaking directly to me.

You see, I’ve been apologizing ALL of my life. I seriously mean all of it. I was always getting in trouble, sometimes for things that didn’t even make sense, I had just irritated my parents, so I was always apologizing. I still apologize for a lot of things that happen every single day. You might be asking, then why the hell does this quote resonate with me? Well, because I know and I am working on learning how to live my life without apologizing. I am learning how to be unapologetically me.

I know, the term ‘unapologetically’ is thrown around like its a badge of honor. It isn’t. But yet, it is. Every person defines living unapologetically differently. Some flash it around like a reason to be a douchebag. Some flash it around because they love their not-so-common attire. Some flash it around to be part of the social media movement. But for some of us, it simply means that we are trying to and learning to live our lives for ourselves rather than apologizing for everything.

We want to stop apologizing for everything about who we are. We want to be able to live a free life, loving ourselves without somebody, anybody else telling us we have to apologize for it. We want to lean into who we are without worrying about offending any and everybody. We want to live into being our true unique selves rather than trying to live according to what social deems is socially acceptable.

Going from apologizing for everything to living unapologetically isn’t easy and the road is most definitely not straight. I will have some really good weeks and then bam! I am right back to apologizing for everything. I blame hormones. I blame changes in my overall environment. I blame anything and everything. I apologize for blaming. Then I stop to realize blaming isn’t getting me anywhere fast.

Sitting down and working through the events over the past few days and weeks help me to identify what caused my path to fork. I sit and do thought work (sometimes written, sometimes not) to see what triggered me. Then I gather all of the conclusions I’ve come to and I start again. I start undoing the apologizing and start focusing on what I know I can change. I start releasing my stress again. I lean back into being me and living for me, regardless of the outside world. I create another fork in my path.

I want to stop apologizing because I know that there is so much more happiness on the other side. I know that my life will be more fulfilled when I lean into who I am and stop apologizing for it.

I am me and that is who I’ll be. No apology needed.

Other People’s Opinions

I have lived most of my life trying to please what I thought were other people’s opinions of me. I lived in fear and shame because I never thought I could meet other people’s expectations. I made myself smaller and smaller and I bottled up all of my own personality so I could be liked.

I wanted to be loved. I wanted to meet their expectations. I didn’t want to disappoint them.

I stressed and stressed about what they might think. About how they would react if. About what they would say behind my back. About what they would tell me I did wrong, again, the next time we had a wine drinking night. About why they wouldn’t talk to me except for when we would see each other. About why they would say they wanted to do a vacation with us but scheduled it without us. About everything.

Here’s the thing that I hadn’t even thought of: other people’s opinions don’t matter. As Rachel Hollis says “what other people think of you is none of your business.”

No matter how hard we work on one area of our life to heal and let go or refrain, we still have other areas we hadn’t even considered looking at. This is one area that I have oh so much work to do.

That person that tells me what I do wrong every time we have a bit of wine over an evening, yeah, that person’s opinions are none of my business. That person who talks about me behind my back, yeah they probably don’t. The reaction of the person who doesn’t like what I’m doing, none of my business.

What other people think or say about me is none of my business. What is my business, is living true to who I am and my values. By living for other people’s opinions, I wasn’t living my life. I was living what I thought other people wanted for my life. No more.

Conversely, my opinion of other people is none of their business. They should be living their life for them.

No matter what direction the opinions are going, living my life for me is what is important.

Other people’s opinions are none of my business.