Burnout is Real

I am one of those people who typically likes to just get shit done. I can’t just sit around and procrastinate forever on hardly anything. I mean, I do procrastinate some, but then I get overwhelmed that that thing hasn’t been completed and just get it done. I push and push and push myself. I get my day job done and then take care of things around the house and make sure to get writing, reading, or workout time in as well. Oh and a few personal video chats as well. 

It really doesn’t sound like that much. I mean, that is normal life stuff, right? Well, that normal life stuff can cause burnout. When I typically think of burnout, I think of 100 hour work weeks with grueling workouts and a crazy social calendar. I think of people who do so much more each day and sleep a lot less than I do. I don’t ever consider myself as a candidate for burnout.

more

I Don’t Feel Like It

I don’t feel like it. You’ve said that a couple of times, right? Yeah, I thought so. Me too.

In fact, I thought that many times before actually sitting down to write this post. But here I am. I am writing this because I want to talk to you about getting shit done even when you don’t want to. Why is this important? Because if we always give in to the feeling of not wanting to do something, then we will never achieve our goals. We will always stay stuck.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be stuck. I want to achieve my goals.

I have a lot of things I want to get done and a lot of things that I want to achieve. I cannot actually do any of this if I give in every time that I don’t feel like it. How do I know this? Because I’ve spent years not feeling like it. Over those years, I have not achieved what I wanted to. I gave in to not being motivated and waiting for motivation to strike.

Motivation doesn’t always strike. Motivation may stay away for hours, days, weeks, or whatever. Motivation isn’t something that just happens. Motivation must be manufactured. You must manufacture your own motivation. Discipline. Discipline is what is required to be able to manufacture your motivation.

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.

Jim Rohn

Discipline takes practice. Discipline takes work. 

If you look at anybody that you admire because they are successful, the reason they are successful is that they are disciplined and make shit happen, even when they don’t feel like it. The only way to get from the point of dreaming up your goals is to actually do the work. You have to be disciplined and you have to do shit when you don’t feel like it. 

Yes, the results you produce when you don’t feel like doing whatever it is you made yourself do anyways may not be the best results you’ve ever produced. Yes, you might have what you produced. But you did it. You were successful because you were disciplined enough to work towards your goals. And you know what? You learned. You learned what you didn’t want to write or what colors doing look good together or that you don’t like gardening so why do you even have a garden? Every time you are disciplined enough to get shit done, you learn, you grow, and you get one step closer to achieving your goals.

So what did you not feel like doing today? Why didn’t you do it? What would have happened if you actually exercised some discipline and just did it?

You might surprise yourself with those answers.

Next time you don’t want to do something, ask yourself, what awesomeness would come out of me actually getting this done?

Your Close Circle

Have you heard the saying “you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with”? I’m not sure who first said that or if I have it perfectly accurate word-for-word, but it is all over the personal development community. I shrugged it off for many years thinking that I could beat that saying.

I have great friends, they are just different from me and my desire to succeed and live a life with less drama. They sometimes complain about the little things where I have learned to shrug those off. They have a different outlook on how businesses operate and what it takes to be a great employee. Or they just don’t want to be a great employee. There is nothing against that. It’s just different from me.

I recently realized that yes, I do need more people in my life who are achievers and have similar growth goals and mindset. In my close circle, I am the most ambitious person. I don’t have anyone to speak to and challenge myself with. How do I find these people? I don’t know.

I won’t leave my close friends now. There is no reason to do so. What I need are a couple of people that I can get to know and grow with. I need people who are growth oriented and work towards goals bigger than where they currently are. I need people who aren’t afraid to call me out and that I can call out without pissing them off.

In essence, I want a second close circle. If they were to overlap some, then glorious. If not, then that is okay too. Growth isn’t easy. Having people close while we are challenging ourselves is important. If we don’t have a support system, growth may seem even more difficult. I’m just recognizing this and seeing that I need a growth support system. Now to figure out how to find one…

Finding Motivation

Motivation is a bitch to find. Some days it is slapping us in the face and other days it is nowhere to be found. Days can go by before motivation shows up and then it disappears before it makes any kind of difference. Nothing can be done until motivation shows back up. Just waiting for motivation to come back.

Does this sound like you? Are you sitting around, waiting for motivation to do that thing you keep putting off? Why? Seriously, why are you waiting for motivation?

Motivation isn’t something you will always have. The top one percent of performers aren’t always motivated. Motivation doesn’t come natural to anybody, even that top performers. You know what comes naturally? Procrastination. Laziness. Waiting.

Life isn’t about finding the motivation to get things done or waiting for motivation to start working towards that goal. You have to manufacture motivation. You have to be consistent. You have to do that thing even when you don’t feel like it. If you keep waiting for motivation, if you keep waiting to feel like doing it, you will get nowhere.

How do I know? Fucking experience.

Ha, yeah right. I’m sitting here reading this blog. You have to be motivated to keep up the schedule of posting that you do.

No. I’m not motivated every single day to get a blog post written. I’m not motivated to share my thoughts all of the time. As I’m sitting here writing this post, I have procrastinated on my goals this week, including writing. I’ve talked to those close to me about starting a podcast. I’m not motivated to record audio, so I haven’t done it. Writing is easy, recording audio is not. Even though writing is easy, it takes effort. And truthfully, I may have just said it was easy, but it isn’t always. Sometime I can’t come up with anything to share with you. Sometimes I procrastinate because I’m in a mood and can’t figure out what to say.

I am not always motivated. The only reason you see such consistency with these posts is that I am determined. I am determined to put my thoughts and my learnings out there. I am determined to be the friend, sister, role model, mentor, confidant, whatever, that I never had until I started my own personal growth journey. Even if this is the only post you ever read of mine, my goal is that you take something away from it. This may sound like motivation and yes, it kind of is. But putting thoughts and feelings out to the world and people I don’t personally know is not motivating. It is scary.

Motivation doesn’t always show up in my life. Determination and consistency doesn’t always show up. Procrastination is a bigger player in my life than I care to admit. But you know what? Every time I push through that procrastination and get something done, my motivation meter fills up a little.

Whatever you keep putting off, whatever you want to do, just make it happen. Take the first step. One step at a time. That is all it takes. One step.

I Don’t Qualify

Have you ever muttered these words to yourself? Did you just have movie reel roll through displaying all of the times you have, or did you say no? If you said no, I would like to meet you because everybody I know has disqualified themselves at one point or another. How do I know that? Because we all say it for so many things.

I am extremely guilty of disqualifying myself before even taking a chance. I used to do it for my career. I’ve done it for this website. I’ve done it for our overlanding adventures. I do it frequently for my looks and my body size. I do it when thinking about how good of a friend I might be. Or wife. It is so much easier to say “I don’t qualify” or “I am not good enough” or “I don’t have what it takes”, than it is to put one foot out there and say “hey, I’m here and I’ve got this”.

But you know what? We are going to stay exactly where we are if we don’t take the fucking first step! As Brené Brown refers to this, it’s okay to dive into your Fucking First Time (FFT). How does a first time align with whether or not we qualify? Um, because most of the time that I have disqualified myself, it has been for something I would be doing for the first time. It is far easier to disqualify myself than it is to do something for the fucking first time.

FFTs suck!! We are more often than not going to either fail, trip over ourselves, or stumble along for a while when we do something for the first time. It is scary and intimidating. But what usually happens after that failure or stumbling period? We start to excel and then we succeed. But we can’t get to the point of success if we don’t embrace the suck first.

Stop looking to disqualify yourself.

Trent Shelton

I have spent most of my life disqualifying myself for one reason or another. I probably do it at least once a day. That sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Well, it is. Every single time I disqualify myself, I hold myself back. I tell myself that I’m not good enough. I tell myself that I don’t believe in myself. THAT, that is depressing.

I know that if I were to flip that thought every time I have it, my life would change drastically. I would improve my own impression of myself and I would be dramatically less stressed and dramatically happier. But it isn’t that easy. We can hear a quote or hear a statement and fall in love with it and know that we need to apply it to our lives, but then go about life and never actually apply it. How often do you do that? Me, I do it all of the time.

I’m finding that I have done so much personal development reading and listening and training and yet, I can’t remember it all. Why? Because I read it or hear it and then move on with life. I disqualify the importance of application.

I am here to say, I qualify. I am a badass woman and I deserve everything I want. I qualify. I qualify. I qualify. And I’m going to remind myself that every single day. I’m going to use the power of my phone wallpaper and reminders. I am setting reminders as soon as I’m done typing this to tell myself I qualify.

Are you willing to do the work and tell yourself multiple times a day that you qualify? How are you going to do it?

Rise to Your Potential

Never let a good crisis go to waste. It’s the universe challenging you to learn something new and rise to the next level of your potential.”

Kristen Ulmer

I read this quote in Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss and immediately it dawned on me that this is life right now. We are all living in this pandemic, this crisis. Life is challenging for everyone right now, some much more so than others. Either we can lean into this challenge and come out of it better than we came in, or we can stay stuck in the challenge and how we’ve been impacted.

I’m not going to lie. Other than not being able to get out into the mountains, I’m enjoying being “stuck” at home. I am blessed that I get to enjoy this time. I am not sick with the horrible effects of COVID-19, nor have I lost my job and am financially struggling. I am in my home, working on renovations, working at my awesome job enriching the lives of seniors, spending time with my husband and pups. I am blessed.

So how does this quote actually apply to my life?

This crisis has taken away some of my excuses for not being able to work on my dreams. It has also given me the ability to refinance and put more money into my home. The crisis has given me more opportunities to grow, both personally and professionally.

I am being challenged and my fire is burning brighter to bring this blog into something more than I’ve trudged along with. I’m being challenged to expand my way of thinking and conquer my fears.

When Kristen wrote the above quote, I am sure she had no idea what would come in just a few short years (the book was published in 2017). Nobody did. What she had was the experience of personal crises that led her to develop her next level potential. I believe that Kristen’s quote can apply to almost any crisis. The only qualifier is how each one of us looks at whatever crises we are living through.

The crisis today is the pandemic and the many stay at home orders that have been enacted across the country and the world. Life has changed dramatically in just a few short weeks. Or long weeks depending on how you look at them. This crisis is challenging every single human in one way or another. Most of us will come out of it. The question is, what will have changed for us personally when we do?

How are you going to use this crisis, this pandemic, to grow and come out the other side stronger? Are you even going to use this time to grow? Or are you going to sit at home and whine about how shitty it is that we can’t go shopping or out to eat or to hang out with other people? How are you going to leverage this time?

I’ll tell you what I’m doing to leverage it. I’m working my ass off. I’m working for the company I get a paycheck from to enrich the lives of seniors AND I’m working on my personal goals. I’m not giving up and complaining about what was normal and what I can’t have. I’m creating my own new normal. My new normal makes life different than just a few weeks ago and will have my life different as we come out of the crisis.

Are you still taking for granted all of the blessings you have?

Are you only complaining about what you can’t do?

Are you only recognizing the pain in our world?

Are you ignoring what opportunities have been opened by being home more?

Are you forgetting that this is temporary, even if that temporary is longer than you want?

Are you ignoring the fact that we as a society always come out to the other side?

What are you focusing your mind on?

Have you even stopped to ponder anything other than your frustrations?

Yes, this pandemic fucking sucks. Yes, people are dying, Yes, people have lost their jobs. Yes, people are working in shitty conditions. Yes, our economy is not as strong as it was. Yes, yes, yes. There is so much struggle and pain in this crisis. Yes, we need to acknowledge that. But those people who are working our asses off don’t need us to dwell on the pain and the struggle. They need us to get our shit together so we can come out the other side.

Getting our shit together will look different for every single person. Getting our shit together may be as simple as not going out just to go out. Getting our shit together may be going after those goals and dreams that we keep putting aside because that will help our economy in the long-run OR it might help one of those people working their ass off have a little humor or inspiration in their day.

What are you learning during this crisis? How are you going to rise to your potential?

I Don't Know How to Set Goals

I’m not a goal setter.

Goals are too restrictive.

I was never taught how to set goals.

Goals aren’t achievable in my life.

I’ve set goals before but have never accomplished them, it’s no use.

Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking any of those? I have. The one I used to use the most was “I’m not a goal setter.” I would come back to that over and over again. I look back now and see that it was just another excuse to stay stuck, to not do hard things.

I wasn’t ever taught how to set goals, but for some reason, that was never an excuse for me. I actually didn’t learn how to set goals until within the last couple of years and it still took me time before I set goals.

In my opinion, goals require feeling behind them. If I set a goal and I am not emotionally vested in the outcome, I’m never going to do the work required to reach that goal. If I set a goal that I’m kinda invested in, but am not sure how I truly feel about it, then I’m still not going to do the work. I have to feel into what I want the outcome to be before I will actually put in the work.

Goals can be huge or they can be extremely simple. It doesn’t matter. One of my goals right now is to get through this social distancing a stronger person. Most days have been downright difficult. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Especially because I’m an introverted homebody. But I hit a low point and it took a day or so to realize what the hell was making me forget ALL of the work I’ve done.

Another goal I have is to plant and truly take care of some herbs. I have these cool planters, but I always let the herbs die. I don’t plan enough meals to use the fresh herbs. Now I’m looking to find more meals to make that use the herbs that I plant.

A big goal that I have that I keep having to come back to is to become debt free. It isn’t an easy goal to achieve, especially when there is so much to buy and make life easy. Or food to eat. Or cute clothes that can make me feel better in my own skin. Or, or, or. To accomplish this goal, I’ll have to make a huge mindset shift. And I have, but then I get lax on my mindset and it goes to hell. Each day I am closer to achieving my goal, the more I feel the feeling of relief and joy.

So how do you set goals?

You have to have things that you are emotionally invested in achieving. Did you read my last post I Don’t Know How to Dream? If you haven’t, go back and read it.

To know what goals to reach for, you have to know what your dream for your life is. You have to sit down and truly look into the future and what you want out of your life. You cannot just simply set a goal and hope for the best. You have to be invested in the goal.

Setting goals just to set goals doesn’t work. If you set a goal to run a 10K but have absolutely no interest in running or physically cannot run, you aren’t going to achieve that goal. If you set a goal to become a millionaire but have no interest in working your ass off, then you aren’t going to reach it. If you set a goal to pay off your debt but keep spending frivolously, you are never going to pay that debt off.

Take all of the dreams you wrote down from the previous post and break them down into action items. Some with have high level action items that break down even further. That’s good. Those are your stepping stones. Keep breaking these steps down until you have actionable steps that you can achieve one after the other. You just set goals. Each of those actionable steps is a goal.

You can set goals. You just have to get out of your own way and allow yourself to dream and become emotionally invested in those dreams.

What are some goals you are working towards right now?

I Don't Know How to Dream

This is not an uncommon thought. I was one of the people who didn’t know how to dream for many years. At least, that is what I thought. I was wrong.

I may not have thought that I knew how to dream, but I knew I was able to push forward. In all that I accomplished up until realizing and truly beginning to dream, I simply pushed forward for something better. I knew I wanted more, even if I wasn’t sure what I truly wanted. I knew I couldn’t stay stuck, that wasn’t the life I wanted to live.

Do you want more? Are you refusing to stay stuck by pushing forward through anything?

Girl you are dreaming! Seriously. You are. You might not have direction towards those dreams, but you are dreaming. Just like I was. You are already one step closer to opening your mind up to big dreams.

That one step for me was to sit down and write out who I saw myself being in ten years. I learned how to do this best from the Start Today Journal practice. I had heard multiple books or podcasts explaining this process before, but Rachel Hollis explains it so well and lights a fire within me that helps me to open my mind. Every time I do it, I dream bigger and more clearly.

Rachel goes into depth in one of her podcasts and in her Start Today Journal, I’m going to summarize what I learned here.

Rachel asks a few key questions that get you started on envisioning yourself ten years from now. Why ten? She does this ten, ten, one process. Ten years, ten dreams, one goal. I’ll let you listen to her podcast to learn more, but here are the key questions I absolutely love.

  1. Who do you want to be in ten years?
  2. A decade in the future, what is the very best version of yourself doing?
  3. What’s a bigger version of the best version of you living every day in the best state that you know how to be?

There are many other questions that she poses, but those are the three that prompted me the most. The next step is to write it all out. Write out everything that comes to your mind, even if it doesn’t seem realistic. As you are writing, do not judge anything that is flowing, just write it down. Do not hold anything back.

This is how you open up and prompt yourself to dream. Now that you have it all written out, you can see what dreams you truly have. Your dreams are there, you just have to stop burying them. You have to open your mind and emotions to letting these dreams come out of hiding.

It’s okay if you don’t get much written down the first time. I didn’t. I had hardly anything. But I do this dreaming every three months. Every time I do it, my page gets fuller, my mind opens more, and I feel more and more connected to what flows.

Now you have a starting point of how to set goals to become the person you dream to be. Yes, you can be a goal-oriented person. This is another practice you have to open your mind to. You already did the hard part of opening your mind to your dreams. Now you get to turn those dreams into reality.

What Are You Committed To?

Are you committed to your goals or to your excuses? Do you even know?

I used to think that I was committed to my goals, but I kept making excuses. I had some goals that yes, I was absolutely committed to. I wanted to have a better life than my parents. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted happiness and freedom. I pursued all of those goals every single day.

But I kept making excuses. I was committed to the excuses I kept making as to why I would never be good enough, or why I couldn’t do something for me even if my partner didn’t like it or didn’t want to do it with me, or why I kept feeling like I had to prove myself to absolutely everybody in my life.

I was somewhat growing as a person and meeting goals, but my excuses were holding me back from my full potential. One of the excuses I was wholeheartedly committed to was my need to make sure everyone else was supported, approved, and/or wasn’t offended by absolutely anything I did. This excuse ran my life. It was at the center of everything I did. I was committed to this excuse more than I was committed to anything else in my life.

This excuse continually held me back and prevented me from reaching and even dreaming big audacious goals. I was never going to fully meet the goals I listed above if I didn’t uncommit myself from the excuse of needing to look out for everybody else first. I had to commit to my goals, do some difficult internal work, and let go of my excuses.

I have mostly stopped living my life for others. I no longer care if so-and-so likes my posts. I no longer care if my posting or my sharing offends people. I don’t say anything horrible about people, well most people, and I don’t name any names in most of my posts. I started creating and sharing my growth journey on YouTube and don’t care if my family or friends think it’s weird or that I am sharing too much. I don’t share about them unless I am giving them credit for helping me. I take time for me, even when all of the family is together.

Limiting my excuse of needing to do for others before doing for myself has been liberating. I have been able to focus on allowing myself to dream big audacious goals and have started going after them. I have changed my commitment from my excuses to my goals. I schedule time for me to have simple me time and to do activities towards accomplishing my goals without worry of people being offended that I’m not out with them.

Change. Change is how we can be more committed to our goals than our excuses. Nothing can happen without some kind of change.

Which are you committed to, your goals or your excuses? Have you ever thought about it?

screenshot_20200201-0820445324722131721301808.png

 

You Don’t Need A New Year

wordswag_15755525478524432152845440884529.jpg

At one point in our life, we’ve all said it, “on January 1st, I’ll start making changes.” We might say that in December, or September, or May, or even February. We have this habit of putting off the changes we want or need to make in our life until that big date. Forget the, “I’ll start on Monday.” That is nothing compared to what we keep saying we will start on January 1st.

You know what happens? January 1st comes and goes and those changes are nowhere to be seen. It doesn’t have to just be about changes you want to make. It can be things we want to start working on. Our goals. Yes, the goals probably require changes, but we push off our goals for living in the here and now and not getting uncomfortable.

Why? Why do we do this? Because making changes or going after goals is uncomfortable. Staying exactly where we are. Staying in the pain or the shitty job or the habits we have now, that’s more comfortable than trying something new. Here’s the thing, you probably feel like you need these last few days, weeks, months to enjoy what you are thinking about giving up. You want to savor it just a little longer, then you’ll remove it from your life. Or, you don’t want to start reading those books, taking those classes, writing those posts, doing those videos, whatever, because you are afraid you are going to suck. So, you’ll wait until next year so you can learn more and start with a bang.

Guess what? I seriously just said this to one of my friends in the last week. In fact, this is exactly what I said:

“I want to be able to plan out my blog posts better, then start adding in YouTube”
“I have to get way more consistent with my time too”

Let me take you back a step. I had been thinking that for soooo long, but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to tell anyone what I wanted to do because I didn’t want anyone to judge it. I didn’t want to hear their opinions yet. I thought all of other people’s opinions about me doing videos would be negative. But I took a small chance when we were talking about her videos. We were talking about recording YouTube videos on our phones. I opened the door by saying that I’d probably use my phone. I opened the door for her opinion. I didn’t even think about it. But you know what? Her opinion was something that I hadn’t expected.

“please tell me you’re going to do videos”

That’s what she told me. Her opinion is one that I’ve really come to value and I was afraid to mention it. For what? Why was I afraid? I have no idea. I think fear in general.

That fear is what has prompted me for months to delay starting a YouTube channel to compliment this blog until next year. I didn’t even say January 1st. I said next year. Next year is 366 days in 2020. That is a lot of year to delay my goal to.

It was so open-ended because I didn’t want to put a timeline on me getting my shit together. I didn’t want to start now because I didn’t feel confident that I even knew what my message would be. Shit, I can barely keep a consistent schedule on doing Instagram stories.

I don’t have to be consistent to begin. I don’t have to have it all figured out to start. The only thing that I need to start is sitting my ass down and doing it.

I don’t need a new year. You don’t need a new year. What do you want to change about your life? What goals do you want to reach for?

Let me tell you what I normally would say I’d start on January 1st:

  1. Ditching the unhealthy carbs that slowly crept back into my diet
  2. Walking enough each day that my hips and back feel good
  3. Drinking the green tea
  4. Doing the thought work
  5. Cutting out the spending on random Americano runs

I have implemented all of those in my life. I am using today to be healthier and reach some of my goals. Now, I just have to keep using today to start on the other goals that I have been delaying for no reason other than fear.

What are you delaying until next year? Why?