I Don't Know How to Set Goals

I’m not a goal setter.

Goals are too restrictive.

I was never taught how to set goals.

Goals aren’t achievable in my life.

I’ve set goals before but have never accomplished them, it’s no use.

Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking any of those? I have. The one I used to use the most was “I’m not a goal setter.” I would come back to that over and over again. I look back now and see that it was just another excuse to stay stuck, to not do hard things.

I wasn’t ever taught how to set goals, but for some reason, that was never an excuse for me. I actually didn’t learn how to set goals until within the last couple of years and it still took me time before I set goals.

In my opinion, goals require feeling behind them. If I set a goal and I am not emotionally vested in the outcome, I’m never going to do the work required to reach that goal. If I set a goal that I’m kinda invested in, but am not sure how I truly feel about it, then I’m still not going to do the work. I have to feel into what I want the outcome to be before I will actually put in the work.

Goals can be huge or they can be extremely simple. It doesn’t matter. One of my goals right now is to get through this social distancing a stronger person. Most days have been downright difficult. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Especially because I’m an introverted homebody. But I hit a low point and it took a day or so to realize what the hell was making me forget ALL of the work I’ve done.

Another goal I have is to plant and truly take care of some herbs. I have these cool planters, but I always let the herbs die. I don’t plan enough meals to use the fresh herbs. Now I’m looking to find more meals to make that use the herbs that I plant.

A big goal that I have that I keep having to come back to is to become debt free. It isn’t an easy goal to achieve, especially when there is so much to buy and make life easy. Or food to eat. Or cute clothes that can make me feel better in my own skin. Or, or, or. To accomplish this goal, I’ll have to make a huge mindset shift. And I have, but then I get lax on my mindset and it goes to hell. Each day I am closer to achieving my goal, the more I feel the feeling of relief and joy.

So how do you set goals?

You have to have things that you are emotionally invested in achieving. Did you read my last post I Don’t Know How to Dream? If you haven’t, go back and read it.

To know what goals to reach for, you have to know what your dream for your life is. You have to sit down and truly look into the future and what you want out of your life. You cannot just simply set a goal and hope for the best. You have to be invested in the goal.

Setting goals just to set goals doesn’t work. If you set a goal to run a 10K but have absolutely no interest in running or physically cannot run, you aren’t going to achieve that goal. If you set a goal to become a millionaire but have no interest in working your ass off, then you aren’t going to reach it. If you set a goal to pay off your debt but keep spending frivolously, you are never going to pay that debt off.

Take all of the dreams you wrote down from the previous post and break them down into action items. Some with have high level action items that break down even further. That’s good. Those are your stepping stones. Keep breaking these steps down until you have actionable steps that you can achieve one after the other. You just set goals. Each of those actionable steps is a goal.

You can set goals. You just have to get out of your own way and allow yourself to dream and become emotionally invested in those dreams.

What are some goals you are working towards right now?

I Don't Know How to Dream

This is not an uncommon thought. I was one of the people who didn’t know how to dream for many years. At least, that is what I thought. I was wrong.

I may not have thought that I knew how to dream, but I knew I was able to push forward. In all that I accomplished up until realizing and truly beginning to dream, I simply pushed forward for something better. I knew I wanted more, even if I wasn’t sure what I truly wanted. I knew I couldn’t stay stuck, that wasn’t the life I wanted to live.

Do you want more? Are you refusing to stay stuck by pushing forward through anything?

Girl you are dreaming! Seriously. You are. You might not have direction towards those dreams, but you are dreaming. Just like I was. You are already one step closer to opening your mind up to big dreams.

That one step for me was to sit down and write out who I saw myself being in ten years. I learned how to do this best from the Start Today Journal practice. I had heard multiple books or podcasts explaining this process before, but Rachel Hollis explains it so well and lights a fire within me that helps me to open my mind. Every time I do it, I dream bigger and more clearly.

Rachel goes into depth in one of her podcasts and in her Start Today Journal, I’m going to summarize what I learned here.

Rachel asks a few key questions that get you started on envisioning yourself ten years from now. Why ten? She does this ten, ten, one process. Ten years, ten dreams, one goal. I’ll let you listen to her podcast to learn more, but here are the key questions I absolutely love.

  1. Who do you want to be in ten years?
  2. A decade in the future, what is the very best version of yourself doing?
  3. What’s a bigger version of the best version of you living every day in the best state that you know how to be?

There are many other questions that she poses, but those are the three that prompted me the most. The next step is to write it all out. Write out everything that comes to your mind, even if it doesn’t seem realistic. As you are writing, do not judge anything that is flowing, just write it down. Do not hold anything back.

This is how you open up and prompt yourself to dream. Now that you have it all written out, you can see what dreams you truly have. Your dreams are there, you just have to stop burying them. You have to open your mind and emotions to letting these dreams come out of hiding.

It’s okay if you don’t get much written down the first time. I didn’t. I had hardly anything. But I do this dreaming every three months. Every time I do it, my page gets fuller, my mind opens more, and I feel more and more connected to what flows.

Now you have a starting point of how to set goals to become the person you dream to be. Yes, you can be a goal-oriented person. This is another practice you have to open your mind to. You already did the hard part of opening your mind to your dreams. Now you get to turn those dreams into reality.

What Are You Committed To?

Are you committed to your goals or to your excuses? Do you even know?

I used to think that I was committed to my goals, but I kept making excuses. I had some goals that yes, I was absolutely committed to. I wanted to have a better life than my parents. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted happiness and freedom. I pursued all of those goals every single day.

But I kept making excuses. I was committed to the excuses I kept making as to why I would never be good enough, or why I couldn’t do something for me even if my partner didn’t like it or didn’t want to do it with me, or why I kept feeling like I had to prove myself to absolutely everybody in my life.

I was somewhat growing as a person and meeting goals, but my excuses were holding me back from my full potential. One of the excuses I was wholeheartedly committed to was my need to make sure everyone else was supported, approved, and/or wasn’t offended by absolutely anything I did. This excuse ran my life. It was at the center of everything I did. I was committed to this excuse more than I was committed to anything else in my life.

This excuse continually held me back and prevented me from reaching and even dreaming big audacious goals. I was never going to fully meet the goals I listed above if I didn’t uncommit myself from the excuse of needing to look out for everybody else first. I had to commit to my goals, do some difficult internal work, and let go of my excuses.

I have mostly stopped living my life for others. I no longer care if so-and-so likes my posts. I no longer care if my posting or my sharing offends people. I don’t say anything horrible about people, well most people, and I don’t name any names in most of my posts. I started creating and sharing my growth journey on YouTube and don’t care if my family or friends think it’s weird or that I am sharing too much. I don’t share about them unless I am giving them credit for helping me. I take time for me, even when all of the family is together.

Limiting my excuse of needing to do for others before doing for myself has been liberating. I have been able to focus on allowing myself to dream big audacious goals and have started going after them. I have changed my commitment from my excuses to my goals. I schedule time for me to have simple me time and to do activities towards accomplishing my goals without worry of people being offended that I’m not out with them.

Change. Change is how we can be more committed to our goals than our excuses. Nothing can happen without some kind of change.

Which are you committed to, your goals or your excuses? Have you ever thought about it?



You Don’t Need A New Year


At one point in our life, we’ve all said it, “on January 1st, I’ll start making changes.” We might say that in December, or September, or May, or even February. We have this habit of putting off the changes we want or need to make in our life until that big date. Forget the, “I’ll start on Monday.” That is nothing compared to what we keep saying we will start on January 1st.

You know what happens? January 1st comes and goes and those changes are nowhere to be seen. It doesn’t have to just be about changes you want to make. It can be things we want to start working on. Our goals. Yes, the goals probably require changes, but we push off our goals for living in the here and now and not getting uncomfortable.

Why? Why do we do this? Because making changes or going after goals is uncomfortable. Staying exactly where we are. Staying in the pain or the shitty job or the habits we have now, that’s more comfortable than trying something new. Here’s the thing, you probably feel like you need these last few days, weeks, months to enjoy what you are thinking about giving up. You want to savor it just a little longer, then you’ll remove it from your life. Or, you don’t want to start reading those books, taking those classes, writing those posts, doing those videos, whatever, because you are afraid you are going to suck. So, you’ll wait until next year so you can learn more and start with a bang.

Guess what? I seriously just said this to one of my friends in the last week. In fact, this is exactly what I said:

“I want to be able to plan out my blog posts better, then start adding in YouTube”
“I have to get way more consistent with my time too”

Let me take you back a step. I had been thinking that for soooo long, but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to tell anyone what I wanted to do because I didn’t want anyone to judge it. I didn’t want to hear their opinions yet. I thought all of other people’s opinions about me doing videos would be negative. But I took a small chance when we were talking about her videos. We were talking about recording YouTube videos on our phones. I opened the door by saying that I’d probably use my phone. I opened the door for her opinion. I didn’t even think about it. But you know what? Her opinion was something that I hadn’t expected.

“please tell me you’re going to do videos”

That’s what she told me. Her opinion is one that I’ve really come to value and I was afraid to mention it. For what? Why was I afraid? I have no idea. I think fear in general.

That fear is what has prompted me for months to delay starting a YouTube channel to compliment this blog until next year. I didn’t even say January 1st. I said next year. Next year is 366 days in 2020. That is a lot of year to delay my goal to.

It was so open-ended because I didn’t want to put a timeline on me getting my shit together. I didn’t want to start now because I didn’t feel confident that I even knew what my message would be. Shit, I can barely keep a consistent schedule on doing Instagram stories.

I don’t have to be consistent to begin. I don’t have to have it all figured out to start. The only thing that I need to start is sitting my ass down and doing it.

I don’t need a new year. You don’t need a new year. What do you want to change about your life? What goals do you want to reach for?

Let me tell you what I normally would say I’d start on January 1st:

  1. Ditching the unhealthy carbs that slowly crept back into my diet
  2. Walking enough each day that my hips and back feel good
  3. Drinking the green tea
  4. Doing the thought work
  5. Cutting out the spending on random Americano runs

I have implemented all of those in my life. I am using today to be healthier and reach some of my goals. Now, I just have to keep using today to start on the other goals that I have been delaying for no reason other than fear.

What are you delaying until next year? Why?

Why Personal Development?

I thought I would take a moment to give you a little history on how I got here, to this blog, to wanting to become a life coach.

It all started (damn I sound old) when I opened my mind to Beachbody coaching. Nope, I’m not selling you on anything, I am no longer selling the product. I had wanted to workout but couldn’t find anything that called to me. Then a friend introduced me and I signed up. I signed up as a coach because I saw the earning potential and the Facebook profiles of some of the top coaches. One of the main suggestions to be a successful coach is to do personal development.

I had been against even considering a self-help book ALL of my life. I was of the opinion that I may be a fucking mess, but I don’t need psychologists telling me how to live my life. They don’t know me. But, I wanted to be a successful Beachbody coach so I gave it a shot. The first two books I read were You are a Badass by Jen Sincero and #GIRLBOSS by  Sophia Amoruso. They had me hooked. They were relatable and not filled with scientific jargon that made me feel stupid.

I kept reading and listening to more and more of these books. I started listening to podcasts. I dug in and really started learning and working on my own growth. I had a different blog at the time and I did a lot of posts on social media to meet what was being taught as was required to get customers.

Then life changed, infertility hit and I decided to quit coaching. I read/listened less often and leaned into the emotions and pain that accompanied infertility and the treatments we chose to do. I was in this place for a couple years and they were difficult years.

Then after a particularly boozy Christmas in 2018 and talking with one of my best friends, I started making goals for 2019. I dug deep and I really looked into what I wanted life to be. I started following Rachel Hollis more closely, I leaned into the overlanding and offroading community that I was becoming part of. I started following a local overlander/off-roader that I heard speak at the local off-road expo. I started reading and listening to personal development again.

I knew there was more out there for me. I knew I felt so much better with my emotions when I worked on healing. So that’s why I turned back to personal development. I had recently gone to therapy, but I honestly felt worse after I left. When I would talk about someone who was causing me a lot of emotional pain, she completely validated and expanded that feeling and told me to remove that person from my life. Not possible this time. And in my heart, I knew that wasn’t the answer.

I keep coming back to personal development because I keep reading and listening to advice from people who I can relate to. I don’t read just any book because it has a catchy title or is best selling. I choose books based on previous authors I’ve related too and the content. I don’t just read headlines. I need to read a chunk or listen to the sample before I can commit.

I signed up for life coaching to really dig deep this year and it has changed my life. Personal development, self-help, whatever you want to call it, it isn’t as crazy as I once thought it was. I gave it a shot, twice, and it has changed my life. I am healing from the inside out and it feels so good.


Throughout our lives, we are so frequently in competition. Regardless of whether we are in competition with ourselves or someone else, winning is always the end game. The problem is that so many of us see winning as the only part of the game. It’s either you win or you lose.

We easily forget that there is always a journey before the win. There is goal setting, commitment, determination, hard work, and sacrifices. Nobody can just win something without putting in the work. Winning will look different to each one of us. What I might determine is my winning point, won’t be the same as the next person.

It’s easy for me to sit here and look at the bloggers and life coaches before me and think that it just happened for them. They decided they wanted to do the thing and bam! the thing made them well-known and well paid. Except it doesn’t work that way. Every person before me has put in the work. They’ve put in the hard work. They have made sacrifices to achieve their dreams.

Winning is great, but it isn’t everything. In my opinion, the journey is everything. Without the journey, we wouldn’t get to where we want to go.

Take this blog as an example. This isn’t my first blog. I’ve had a few others, some were purely therapeutic, some were aimed at a different goal than I have today. To get this blog to where I want it to be, to be part of a life coaching business where I share my struggles and my experiences with others to help them realize they are not alone and there is hope, I have to get through the startup phase. I have to publish the content, refine my writing, continue doing the personal work, and continue to put it out there. I cannot snap my fingers and have the followers and clients that I want. I have to be all in for the journey.

The journey is what helps us cross that finish line. Sometimes the finish line is an actual finish line for a race, sometimes it is getting that first or hundredth client, other times it is simply being confident in who we are and living our best lives. No matter what the finish line is, getting to it is not just an accident.

As we embark on our journey towards the finish line, we are going to encounter many fears and obstacles that might tempt us to take a detour. We can only take so many detours before we are completely off track. Getting back on track is also part of the journey. Each part of the journey is what leads us to the win.

The next time you look at that celebrity or influencer or overlander or life coach, remember, they didn’t just win. It wasn’t an accident. They put in hard work and dedication to get to where they are. They got clear on their goals, they did the work, they learned the things, and they pursued their dreams.

And remember, if they can do it, so can you.


Winning's not just an accident.

Last Three Months

Now that we are in October, we are in the last three months of the year. Not only that, though, we are in the last three months of the decade. Let that set in a minute.

We are in the last three months of this decade.

When I heard this fact stated, I felt like my mind had been blown. I hadn’t even thought of it that way. I just knew that I wanted 2020 to be better than any year I’ve had recently.

Why is it important or even something worth highlighting that we are in the last three months? For those of us who have goals and who are working on change in our lives, it signals a fresh start in coming. So many of us think about history in decades. The 1930s had The Great Depression, World War II ended in the 1940s, the 1960s were about the hippies (and more war), and the 1990s were about the internet and big hair.

Those were big things for the United States, but what about personally? For me, the 1980s were when I was born, the 1990s were my early years defining my love for reading and being outside, the 2000s were a fucking disaster, and the 2010s have been a roller coaster as well.

I can’t go back and change anything in my history. But I can start from now and make a brand new ending. I can course correct and change how I start off the next decade. I can go into 2020 with a different mindset, different goals, and different habits that will set me up for success.

I am excited that I have been made aware that we are in the last three months of the decade. I am working hard on goals that I want to achieve in the next few years and I know that these three months can and will determine the course of the next decade. Yes, I can course correct again, but why not now? Why not start down the road that will get me closer to achieving my big hairy audacious goals?

Why not?

Welcome to the last three months of the 2010s. Now is the time to set goals and intentions for your 2020s.