We’ve been talking about going your own way and making the most of yourself, so today I wanted to talk about what it takes to do both. The truth is that no matter how much pressure we put on ourselves or how many times we say “today is the day” or how many new weeks, months, or years we plan to do something new, nothing happens or changes all at once. No matter what we do, that thing, that effort, that goal, they are always, absolutely always, achieved little by little.More
How do you accomplish things? little by little.
From an early age we learn from the societal expectations that we need to be like this famous person or that family member that does everything right and looks the right way. We are told we need to act right and do the responsible thing. We are pressured to do this or that because that is what the family believes in.
Even if we aren’t told who we need to be like, we are told who we shouldn’t be like. This was more of the case in my life, at least externally. I consistently heard how this family member or that was stuck up or self-centered or whatever. I also heard how entitled my parents were to have everyone else do something for them.More
Learning to lean in and be the best you for you is a journey that has its ups and downs. With practice and persistence, you can be the best you.
I have a friend who has some deep and painful issues with her family that we’ve been talking about quite a bit lately and it reminded me of all of the work I’ve done over the years to overcome some similar familial challenges. I won’t tell you her story because it isn’t mine to share, but I thought I would go into some of my story and some of what I shared with her from my experiences.More
Have you heard the saying “you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with”? I’m not sure who first said that or if I have it perfectly accurate word-for-word, but it is all over the personal development community. I shrugged it off for many years thinking that I could beat that saying.
I have great friends, they are just different from me and my desire to succeed and live a life with less drama. They sometimes complain about the little things where I have learned to shrug those off. They have a different outlook on how businesses operate and what it takes to be a great employee. Or they just don’t want to be a great employee. There is nothing against that. It’s just different from me.
I recently realized that yes, I do need more people in my life who are achievers and have similar growth goals and mindset. In my close circle, I am the most ambitious person. I don’t have anyone to speak to and challenge myself with. How do I find these people? I don’t know.
I won’t leave my close friends now. There is no reason to do so. What I need are a couple of people that I can get to know and grow with. I need people who are growth oriented and work towards goals bigger than where they currently are. I need people who aren’t afraid to call me out and that I can call out without pissing them off.
In essence, I want a second close circle. If they were to overlap some, then glorious. If not, then that is okay too. Growth isn’t easy. Having people close while we are challenging ourselves is important. If we don’t have a support system, growth may seem even more difficult. I’m just recognizing this and seeing that I need a growth support system. Now to figure out how to find one…
On Tuesday we talked about taking up space. Today I want to talk about how we are living life.
For most of my life I lived my life so I didn’t upset specific people and so I could earn the love of other specific people. As I got older, moved out on my own, and started working in a professional environment, that need to not upset people expanded. The first 30 or so years of my life are absolutely a reflection of me not wanting to upset people. Over the past four years, I have started to live my life as a reflection of who I want to be. Of course, I didn’t just flip a switch. These past four years are intertwined with me not wanting to upset people and me living for who I want to be.More
I brought my dream of sharing life with you to life on June 12, 2018 after many other iterations that I grew out of. Over the past two years, I have been inconsistent and more recently, consistent at sharing my thoughts and learnings with you. I’ve hit heavy topics and I’ve danced around topics. I’ve played it safe and I’ve let it all hang out there. Over these past two years, I haven’t sat down to work out a clear vision of where I want Failing Imperfectly to go. I’ve dawdled around with what felt right, never having a clear goal in mind. Until now…MOre
I wrote Fear: I Can’t Do What I Need in My Own Home a few months ago, but I have returned to this fear and to this struggle. This time is different. I offered to let a friend stay with us until her renters move out at the end of May. She has stayed with us for just about a month and it has been one of the most difficult months of my life.
I have a deep rooted need for control, especially in my own home. My friend is so different from me, which isn’t a bad thing, that her schedule each day is completely different. She cooks separate meals at a much later time. She doesn’t get up very early in the morning and the room she is in is right next to my office. None of these are major issues, simply things that change my way of living.
I am a creature of habit and am very specific about how my things are used and treated. I have lost my ability to play music before 8:00 am on a work day or to leave my office door open all day, whether or not I’m on a work call. I am struggling with someone else using all of my dishes and cooking in my kitchen. I am struggling with my refrigerator being extremely full. Oh and we are still in the recommendation of social distancing and her office is still not fully open.
I am struggling with impacting her life or inconveniencing her. It is a mix of me being more worried about her than myself and me being possessive. I am struggling with another cook in my kitchen, a really fucking awesome cook at that.
I feel like this season happened to help me grow. I am being pushed outside of my comfort zone and it is definitely uncomfortable. There is nothing my friend is doing wrong. She hasn’t broken or ruined anything in the kitchen. This is all me and I know it.
I’ve also come to realize that I really suck at small talk. As in, I don’t know how to do it. At all. I struggle with being told the same story multiple times.
Why am I sharing this? Because I know I am not the only one struggling with the need for complete control or the only one who sucks as small talk. I know that you might be just like me.
I also know that no matter how difficult this season feels, I am growing through it. There is something I’m meant to learn from it. Maybe my capacity for not having complete control is being expanded a little. Maybe I’m being challenged to learn how to engage in small talk. I haven’t figured out exactly what my takeaway or takeaways will be, but I know that I keep finding myself in this situation for a reason.
What is currently challenging you?
I just want to feel special.
Ever had that feeling? No? Are you sure?
I thought I was above that kind of need. I didn’t want to be a person who needed to feel special. I saw those people as being self-centered.
Until I started doing self-care and personal growth. Then I realized that it is okay to want to feel special. In fact, feeling special is such a good feeling that not many people get to experience.
By now, if you have read any number of my other posts, you might recognize that I wasn’t really ever made to feel special growing up. I grew to believe that I didn’t deserve it. (See What We Deserve) I made events like my wedding about everybody else. I didn’t even demand to have much for myself, it was all to make sure everybody enjoyed the day and everybody else was taken care of. Oh and things went according to schedule. I truly regret this about my wedding. But I didn’t know any better.
It is only within the past few weeks that I have started to allow myself to desire feeling special. So I thought. Well, at least in conversations with my husband. But during my meditation this morning, I realized that I was holding onto a past dream because of the feelings of being special I have wrapped around it.
I have been holding onto the feeling of getting pregnant and the baby shower that is all about me and the baby. I have been holding onto the dream of feeling a baby move within me while having people be interested in me without there being some health issue that I’m working through. I’ve been holding onto what I deemed the love that I would finally get because I got pregnant.
I wanted to feel special and in my subconscious, getting pregnant would give me those feelings.
I don’t have to get pregnant to be special. I’m not going to get pregnant just to feel special. That doesn’t work anyways.
I just have to treat myself as though I am special. I cannot expect anybody else to do it for me. To feel special, I have to start treating myself that way.
I want to feel special and I am going to treat myself as though I am.