Give Yourself Some Credit

When you stop to look at your life and where you’ve come since some date, say high school, do you ever give yourself credit? Or do you tell yourself that you haven’t done enough?

To be honest, until I heard this in some video I was watching, I hadn’t really thought about it. I am really good about looking ahead at what I want to achieve and at how difficult it probably will be to get there, but I don’t look back at how far I’ve come.

Why don’t we give ourselves credit? Because it is easier to berate ourselves for what we haven’t accomplished that to celebrate the things we have. It is easier to be negative about the things we keep saying we are going to do and don’t. So many influencers tell us to not look back because we aren’t going there. But if we never look back, we will never know how far we’ve come.

How far have I come? What do I need to give myself credit for?

A whole fucking lot.

I graduated high school. I went to college. And I obtained my master degree. I moved out of New Mexico, twice. I stood up for myself in a shitty relationship and left. I worked two, sometimes three jobs to get through college. Every time I was laid off, I got back up and kept going. I bought a home. I’m renovating our home. I bought my dream vehicle. I have a job that is rewarding and mission driven. I am happily married (and marriage isn’t easy!!). I have great friendships.

If I want to compare my life to my family, then I am not a drug addict or alcoholic. I didn’t settle with living off of other people or the government.

In general, I take care of myself. I take care of others. I’m a damn good friend and wife. I never settle and I don’t easily give up. I pursue excellence (or close to it) in everything I do. My life is what I make it and I’m making it a great life.

There, that’s some credit I really deserve to give myself. Now it’s your turn, give yourself some credit. It doesn’t have to be a full history. It could be something as simple as something you did yesterday. Or today. You could give yourself credit for being in the middle of accomplishing something. Give yourself credit for being in a good mood. Give yourself credit for getting out of bed this morning. It doesn’t matter. Just don’t forget to give yourself credit.

Give yourself credit for anything and everything. Be grateful for what you’ve accomplished.

Give Your Trust Away

I’ve heard this from a couple of the mentors that I follow. Gary Vee and Trent Shelton say this over and over again. I have been doing this for most of my life without any though. It was only in the past couple of years that I started to pull back on giving my trust away. I was tired of giving it away and getting rolled over. But there is a balance that can be had. A balance that I’m learning.

You see, when you give your trust away, you are open to wherever the relationship may go. When you give your trust away, you aren’t putting arbitrary limits on relationships. When you give your trust away, you aren’t bringing baggage to a relationship from a different relationship. You are starting fresh.

When I started to hold back on giving my trust away, I was bringing hurt and baggage from previous relationships to a new one without ever giving the new one a shot. I started resurrecting walls for people I didn’t even know. I started holding more things in again. I stopped sharing as much. I withheld trust, I withheld information, I withheld love, I withheld opportunities because of the baggage I was bringing.

Each time you withhold trust from a new relationship, you are dumping your baggage into that relationship. You are making it messy before there is ever the possibility of an amazing connection.

I keep referring to relationships in this conversation about trust, because we trust is about you and someone else. It could be about a situation, but most situations involve people. Most trust baggage involves people. People create situations. People are who we either trust or don’t.

I met some of my closest friends about five years ago. I didn’t freely give my trust away. I have been guarded. It has taken me five years to start releasing baggage from other relationships and start leaning into trust with these friends. It has only been in the past few months that I’ve even shared this website or my desire to become a life coach with them. I didn’t trust them.

You know why? Because I brought baggage from other relationships into these relationships. I was afraid of what they would say, I was afraid they wouldn’t want to be my friend, I was afraid they would think I was stupid, all because of situations with other people I gave my trust away to. I gave them pieces of trust through the years, more and more each year, when I wish I had given them all of my trust in the beginning.

Withholding trust doesn’t just affect personal relationships, it affects career relationships too. It can hold you back in your career because you are withholding trust from previous situations. Your previous boss was a dick? Yeah, not going to be fully open with the new boss until I feel him/her out. Bad move. Your previous coworkers kept you at an arm’s length? Not going to get too close to any coworkers at the new place. Bad move, that wasn’t about you, it was about them. The culture at your last job was tumultuous, at best. Not going to lean into the new culture until you can feel it out. Bad move. Jump in and be yourself.

The more we hold back our trust, the more we hold back who we are, the more we limit ourselves. Stop holding back, stop guarding your trust. It’s easy to take your trust back once it has been broken. It’s not easy to remove the baggage of not trusting.

Give your trust away and you will be amazed and the relationships you can and will form. Personally and professionally.

I Am Not Mediocre

Mediocrity is how so many of us live our lives. Mediocrity is how we fit in with society. We don’t want to be too over the top so people don’t judge us. We don’t want to fall behind because that life is hard. We want to be right in the middle because the middle is what is comfortable. Mediocrity is safe.

Fuck mediocrity.

I have lived for mediocrity all of my life. I grew up being below mediocrity most of my life. I just wanted to be normal. I equated being normal as fitting into society. Normal was just enough for my life. Normal was just mediocre, nothing special. I didn’t want to stand out for any reason.

I had this realization recently as I was interviewing for jobs. I had just been laid off and I had multiple positions that I was interviewing for and multiple I was expecting offers from. I had two that I was really considering and was comparing against each other. One with a small startup that had a lot of unknowns and wasn’t established. My position would have been a new position that I would create. Another new position with what I believe is potential. This sounds just like the job that I got laid off from. The other position was with a well-established company that already has a project management team with processes in place. This would be a position that is being backfilled. This company has never done layoffs. This would be a safe position to get into.

I didn’t want safe. While the safe position would have allowed me to have a normal schedule and work with one of my close friends again, the startup has so much potential and a mission that I connected with right away.

To me, safe equaled mediocre. Mediocre meant it could take me longer to advance. Mediocre meant I wasn’t creating something to pass on. Safety was not something that called to me.

I didn’t choose the safe job. I chose to right above mediocrity and take a chance. I wanted a challenge and if that challenge means that I’m looking for a job again in three months, six months, or whatever because the startup failed, that’s perfectly fine with me. I have survived multiple layoffs and I know I can survive them in the future.

Mediocrity isn’t for me. I want to live outside of normal. I am not normal and my career isn’t either. Bring on the challenge and bring on the fun I’m about to have.

If you get knocked down…

…get back up.

I was knocked down last week. I was shown the true habits of the CEO of the company I was working for. Along with countless others, I was laid off. The reasoning we were given was that the company was restructuring. No warning. Just an hour’s notice for a meeting in the office. Pretty much my entire immediate team was laid off. Only a couple people remain. Even my direct boss was affected.

I was pissed. Like “fuck you, I’m outta here,” pissed. Like shaking so hard I can barely type, pissed. I wanted to punch something. I briefly considered digging into my husband’s alcohol stash. I didn’t want to talk to people. I was pissed. Maybe a little hurt, but that feeling didn’t show up for a couple days.

But, I got back up. Right away. I literally came home, shared the details that I knew with Eddie, and sat down to update my resume and start applying. Between Friday afternoon/evening and Saturday, I had already applied to over 30 jobs. And I’m not stopping.

I’m getting back up every time my mind wants to wallow. I’m getting back up every time I hear of some move that is being made at the company. I’m getting back up.

I am not letting this layoff define me. It is my fifth layoff since we moved to Utah in 2013. I used to bawl and wonder what I did wrong. Now, I get pissed off at the person who delivers the news or makes the choice.

But here’s the thing: focusing on what happened will keep me stuck.

You read that right. If I focus on the anger and the situation that happened, I’m not going to be able to move onto the next opportunity.

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”
Buddha

I have experienced this many times in my life. As I was progressing in my career, I thought of the salary that I wanted, that I felt I deserved. I didn’t get it for a couple years, but I kept working up to it. Then I did get it. Now my mind focuses on another higher number. That’s what I’m aiming for now.

If I focus on being in a shitty mood, I’m in a shitty mood. If I focus on being in a good mood, with a good outlook, my mood starts to improve.

“The only impossibilities that exist are the ones that you create.”
Trent Shelton

I’ve experienced this before. When I didn’t think I could get a job, I didn’t. I stayed stuck. When I believed in myself, I got the job. And usually, the job that I wanted.

If you get knocked down, get back up.

No matter whether you got knocked down by losing your job, or losing a loved one, or getting in a car accident, or growing apart from a friend, or getting passed over for the promotion, you get back up.

The only way to keep going in life is to get back up. If you were to actually fall down on the sidewalk, you would get back up. So why don’t more of us get back up when we are knocked down? Because it is easier to stay down with emotions than our physical body. We can go so deep into our emotions that we don’t know how to find right-side-up anymore. I’ve been there and I’ve been trapped down in my emotions. There are so many times in my life that I used to stay knocked down that I can’t begin to sort through all of the examples.

Life will come at you hard and fast and you won’t know what hit you. Getting knocked down sucks. Sometimes it physically hurts. Sometimes it is merely our ego that was affected. No matter what was affected, changing the way we behave when we are knocked down will help us get back up.

Instead of saying “I’ll never find another job”, envision that job that you really liked the job description for at the company that you would like to see yourself at. Really envision it. Daydream about it. Put yourself in that interview and killing it. Put yourself getting the offer and accepting it. That number that you want as your benchmark salary, imagine that’s the offer that you get. Imagine you showing up for your first day. Imagine being there in six months, a year, two years.

When you create this image, your mind will focus on it. And you might not get that job today. You might get an offer elsewhere, but your thoughts were focused on getting a job. Remember what the Buddha said above? “All that we are arises with our thoughts.” Focusing your thoughts on the good, on what you want, will get you closer to your goal than sitting there and dwelling on the shitty situation that you are in.

If you think it is impossible, it is. If you think it is possible, it is.

What are you thinking?