Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs have plagued my life for as long as I can remember. The difference between now and the past is that I actually know what limiting beliefs are and how to identify them. The problem today is whether or not I stop long enough to check-in with myself to identify the limiting beliefs floating through my mind.

No matter how much I learn about identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs, I still run into times when I have a light bulb moment and realize that I’ve been living through a season of believing one limiting belief or another. This happened to me recently and I want to share with you what I did once I identified it.

I say it, but actually there are a couple of limiting beliefs that I identified I was believing around the same time. One in my current profession and one for this website and my goals for it. I first identified my limiting belief with Failing Imperfectly.

I’ve been holding myself back in what I share and how I grow this website and the Failing Imperfectly YouTube. Why? A myriad of reasons. Mostly starting with fears that I’m not good enough yet. Yep, I still battle those fears. The fear of not being good enough yet spawns into the fear that I’m not qualified yet. Those two fears grouped together are why I haven’t grown Failing Imperfectly into what I want it to be.

I have kept my website limited and I’ve sure as hell limited my interactions with YouTube. I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t say this or that and that I can’t produce free downloads or programs because I am not far enough along in my own journey and because I have not been through a coach certification program yet.

I sat down to finish uploading a couple of free resources that I made based on one of my first YouTube videos and realized I really didn’t like my website. Why? Because I kept it very basic and refrained from making statements about what the website is about. I was trying to dabble in two completely different directions that didn’t compliment each other. I didn’t want to say that I was here to offer advice because I have not yet done a certification program. I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t feel qualified. But you know what? I have been misleading myself because I want to be out here inspiring you through real life examples of overcoming all of these challenges I keep sharing, but I didn’t want to consider my learning experiences worthy of being considered advice.

Yes, there are qualification programs for coaches and yes, I will probably participate in one or more in the future. But that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I know I can do today. What can I do? Take everything I learn from other coaches, from my mentors, and share it with you as I apply it to my life. As I learn, I also develop my own methods. I can share those with you. My limiting beliefs had me stuck in a hamster wheel spinning about adding only a small amount of value to your life. The only way I’m going to continue to improve is by doing what I do now and pushing into what I envision at the same time. I don’t need any specific certification to add value to your life by sharing mine and how I overcome challenges.

The second limiting belief I identified was after I had the above realization. I’ve been paranoid about being good enough for the role I have at work and being dedicated enough. Why good enough? I have absolutely no idea. I know I am good enough, even if I have things to learn to be an expert in my role. Dedicated enough? That comes from the current situation with everybody working from home and me not wanting to be seen as a slacker if I took a break. I do this with every job that I work from home with. It’s a recurring challenge for me. This time I identified it earlier.

How does this all connect? The limiting beliefs that I have been living through have been holding me back from the greatness I know I can achieve. How do I plan to overcome these limiting beliefs?

First, I updated my website and finally made some statements about what you will find here. I also uploaded some free resources that you can find here.

Second, I stoked the fire in me that wants to build this website into a coaching business. Yes, I dream of being a respected life coach. I don’t know if I want to be as well known as Rachel Hollis, but I’m not limiting myself to anything less than being a fucking awesome life coach.

And lastly, I need to take breaks while working because if I don’t, I burn out and produce shit for work. I have to take care of myself to be the best at anything I do.

My Own Path

Dare to forge your own path.

When I first started out on this journey with this blog, I was under the impression that once I hit it big and was making good money, I would quit my project management career and be a full-time blogger. I then advanced that thought to becoming a well-respected life coach. Either way, I saw the only option of being a life coach as my path forward.

Every time I thought about it, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach — but I love my career. I didn’t want to give up on being a life coach because I feel that I am called to share my life experiences and passion for helping others through this avenue, but I also didn’t want to give up on my career that I am also passionate about. Oh and then there is the overlanding passion that is blossoming. Why do I have to choose just one?

The answer is, I don’t. There is no reason that I have to choose just one. During one of Marie Forleo’s YouTube videos or in her book, she brought up the term ‘multi-passionate entrepreneur’. My heart exploded in fire. She explained how she didn’t want to do just one thing and that she had many passions. She struggled with choosing just one and came to the realization that she didn’t have to.

And that is where I am. I am going to be a well-respected life coach, overlander, and project manager who kicks ass at all of them. I’m going to kick ass in my own way. I’m not going to follow any well-defined path from any who have come before me. I will learn as I go and be who I am. I know that it may take longer to advance my life coaching and overlanding businesses while being a career project manager, but I’m okay with that.

I’m going to forge my own path and be all that I want to be. I don’t have to give up on one passion because I want to pursue another. At some point, my passions will probably cross and that is okay. Actually, that would be freaking awesome.

Hop on the train because this is going to be one wild ride. I’m pursuing three big passions and I’m not going to be perfect in any of them. I’m doing it the imperfect way. Are you going to come along for the ride and be an Imperfect Warrior who forges her/his own path?

Are You Asking The Right Questions?

I am a very black and white person. It is or it isn’t. I only see gray on a few things, like my professional career. For most of my life, I ask the black and white questions: Can I do X without failing? This usually holds me back. It keeps me from exploring that thing that I might want to do.

So when I heard one of my mentors talk about asking the right questions, I had to stop to meditate on what they were implying. The thing is, we tend to ask the same question over and over. We don’t ever change it to see a different point of view. You probably see this happening most when you are fighting with your spouse. You or your spouse says the same thing multiple times because the other person isn’t responding the way you want to doesn’t understand your point. What if we changed the question? What if we put it a different way?

I have started to do this when talking to Eddie. We rarely fight, usually just have disagreements, but it all comes down to miscommunication. You see, we are creatures of habit and we speak how we understand things. We plan in a way that we understand. We look to the future in a way that we understand. When people suggest something that is different than what we know, more often than not, we get uncomfortable and want to stay in our comfort zone.

It’s time that we break up with our comfort zone and start asking different questions. Here is an example:

Question/Goal: I want to lose 20 pounds
New Question/Goal: I want to eat a healthier diet

or

Question/Goal: How do I get millions of followers to become the well-respected life coach I want to be?
New Question/Goal: What do I need to start doing today that will lay the foundation to eventually become a well-respected life coach?

Here’s the thing, we tend to ask questions about our end goal, about the big thing that we want to accomplish. We don’t ask ourselves how other’s did it or what are the little steps that, if we take them now, will lead us to the big goal.

Here is another one:

Question: Why can’t I quit drinking alcohol when I’m around Sally?
New Question: What is it about drinking alcohol that makes lunch with Sally better?

It’s time to stop living in a black and white world. There is so much gray area that we can make brighter if we start asking different questions. No longer is it just this or that. We are in new times with new technologies and possibilities that we can ask the same question in so many different ways that we can get so many different answers.

When I started this blog, I wanted to grow and become a life coach in just a few months. I wanted to be making millions and quit my project management career. Why? Because that is what all the life coaches do. I was asking the wrong question. That isn’t my focus. Following in their path isn’t my path. I have my own path and I need to ask myself different questions to get me to where I am fulfilled and happy.

What questions can you change to ask differently? What is the new answer?

Doubt Kills More Than Failure

All my life I have been afraid of failing. It has never been one thing specifically, rather, failing at anything and everything. The thing that I didn’t know and that you’ve probably heard over and over again, is that everyone who is successful has failed. They have failed repeatedly. Success doesn’t mean we don’t fail. Success means that we get back up after every failure and keep going.

The thing that leads to my fear of failure is doubt. I have doubted I would be good enough for pretty much all of my life. I doubted everything about myself. It’s a wonder I have continued to progress in my career with all of the doubts that I have had about my ability to be successful.

Doubt is defined as a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.

Doubt is what kills dreams.

Doubt has held me back from so many things. Until today, doubt held me back from branching out to YouTube. I doubted I would be able to edit a video. I doubted that I would be able to listen to myself and put myself out there in a video for all to see. Words are one thing. Video, now that’s a forbidden land.

But I am doing it. I have successfully edited my first video for YouTube. I will be posting it later this week and will continue to share my growth with you through video.

When we give in to doubt, we don’t even get close to achieving failure because we never start. We let that doubt steamroll us right into avoiding the thing that we might fail at. Doubt creeps upon us, fear takes over and we never take even a baby step.

How can we counteract doubt? By leaning into it. Ask yourself, ‘If I do ____, what is the worst that can happen? What is the best?’ List out all of the possibilities for both. Review the worst, then review the best. Do the best things that can happen outweigh the worst? Is the worst thing death? No? Alright, why the hell aren’t you moving towards that goal?

You think you might fail? You are doubting your ability to achieve even the smallest best thing that can happen? How are you ever going to know if you are going to fail if you don’t try?

Here is what I’m learning and leaning into: failure is good. No, actually, failure is fucking great. Failure is great because that means that I’m actually moving towards my goals and I’m doing. I am putting in the effort needed to get one step closer to my goal. If I fail, that means that I need to course correct and go down a different road. It doesn’t mean I need to stop everything I am doing.

Doubt tells us that if we aren’t successful right out of the gate then we are a failure. No. That is incorrect. How many people do you really think have succeeded at the very first attempt on their goal? Pilots can’t fly a giant commercial jet the first time they get in the cockpit. They have to go through hours and hours and hours of training in a simulator. Developers don’t sit down, write a bit of code and have a beautiful website or app the first time they attempt to run the code. They have to learn, tweak, and tweak some more to get it right. And then there still might be bugs.

This is my third or fourth attempt at a blog. I lost track because I gave in to doubt and wiped all of my posts away, multiple times. This isn’t my first attempt at growing mentally and emotionally. I fail over and over and over again.

I have a goal to stop giving in to my doubts. I need to lean into each one of them and explore why they are creeping in. Once I get over each doubt, I can move onto action and making shit happen. Doubt kills. Failure provides lessons.

Winning

Throughout our lives, we are so frequently in competition. Regardless of whether we are in competition with ourselves or someone else, winning is always the end game. The problem is that so many of us see winning as the only part of the game. It’s either you win or you lose.

We easily forget that there is always a journey before the win. There is goal setting, commitment, determination, hard work, and sacrifices. Nobody can just win something without putting in the work. Winning will look different to each one of us. What I might determine is my winning point, won’t be the same as the next person.

It’s easy for me to sit here and look at the bloggers and life coaches before me and think that it just happened for them. They decided they wanted to do the thing and bam! the thing made them well-known and well paid. Except it doesn’t work that way. Every person before me has put in the work. They’ve put in the hard work. They have made sacrifices to achieve their dreams.

Winning is great, but it isn’t everything. In my opinion, the journey is everything. Without the journey, we wouldn’t get to where we want to go.

Take this blog as an example. This isn’t my first blog. I’ve had a few others, some were purely therapeutic, some were aimed at a different goal than I have today. To get this blog to where I want it to be, to be part of a life coaching business where I share my struggles and my experiences with others to help them realize they are not alone and there is hope, I have to get through the startup phase. I have to publish the content, refine my writing, continue doing the personal work, and continue to put it out there. I cannot snap my fingers and have the followers and clients that I want. I have to be all in for the journey.

The journey is what helps us cross that finish line. Sometimes the finish line is an actual finish line for a race, sometimes it is getting that first or hundredth client, other times it is simply being confident in who we are and living our best lives. No matter what the finish line is, getting to it is not just an accident.

As we embark on our journey towards the finish line, we are going to encounter many fears and obstacles that might tempt us to take a detour. We can only take so many detours before we are completely off track. Getting back on track is also part of the journey. Each part of the journey is what leads us to the win.

The next time you look at that celebrity or influencer or overlander or life coach, remember, they didn’t just win. It wasn’t an accident. They put in hard work and dedication to get to where they are. They got clear on their goals, they did the work, they learned the things, and they pursued their dreams.

And remember, if they can do it, so can you.

 

Winning's not just an accident.