I Don't Know How to Set Goals

I’m not a goal setter.

Goals are too restrictive.

I was never taught how to set goals.

Goals aren’t achievable in my life.

I’ve set goals before but have never accomplished them, it’s no use.

Have you ever caught yourself saying or thinking any of those? I have. The one I used to use the most was “I’m not a goal setter.” I would come back to that over and over again. I look back now and see that it was just another excuse to stay stuck, to not do hard things.

I wasn’t ever taught how to set goals, but for some reason, that was never an excuse for me. I actually didn’t learn how to set goals until within the last couple of years and it still took me time before I set goals.

In my opinion, goals require feeling behind them. If I set a goal and I am not emotionally vested in the outcome, I’m never going to do the work required to reach that goal. If I set a goal that I’m kinda invested in, but am not sure how I truly feel about it, then I’m still not going to do the work. I have to feel into what I want the outcome to be before I will actually put in the work.

Goals can be huge or they can be extremely simple. It doesn’t matter. One of my goals right now is to get through this social distancing a stronger person. Most days have been downright difficult. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Especially because I’m an introverted homebody. But I hit a low point and it took a day or so to realize what the hell was making me forget ALL of the work I’ve done.

Another goal I have is to plant and truly take care of some herbs. I have these cool planters, but I always let the herbs die. I don’t plan enough meals to use the fresh herbs. Now I’m looking to find more meals to make that use the herbs that I plant.

A big goal that I have that I keep having to come back to is to become debt free. It isn’t an easy goal to achieve, especially when there is so much to buy and make life easy. Or food to eat. Or cute clothes that can make me feel better in my own skin. Or, or, or. To accomplish this goal, I’ll have to make a huge mindset shift. And I have, but then I get lax on my mindset and it goes to hell. Each day I am closer to achieving my goal, the more I feel the feeling of relief and joy.

So how do you set goals?

You have to have things that you are emotionally invested in achieving. Did you read my last post I Don’t Know How to Dream? If you haven’t, go back and read it.

To know what goals to reach for, you have to know what your dream for your life is. You have to sit down and truly look into the future and what you want out of your life. You cannot just simply set a goal and hope for the best. You have to be invested in the goal.

Setting goals just to set goals doesn’t work. If you set a goal to run a 10K but have absolutely no interest in running or physically cannot run, you aren’t going to achieve that goal. If you set a goal to become a millionaire but have no interest in working your ass off, then you aren’t going to reach it. If you set a goal to pay off your debt but keep spending frivolously, you are never going to pay that debt off.

Take all of the dreams you wrote down from the previous post and break them down into action items. Some with have high level action items that break down even further. That’s good. Those are your stepping stones. Keep breaking these steps down until you have actionable steps that you can achieve one after the other. You just set goals. Each of those actionable steps is a goal.

You can set goals. You just have to get out of your own way and allow yourself to dream and become emotionally invested in those dreams.

What are some goals you are working towards right now?

Valentine’s Day

I hate Valentine’s Day. There, I said it.

So why am I writing about it? Because there is a stigma and way too much fucking pressure on our society to honor this holiday. We have to stop letting the commercialization of holidays dictate how we live. Yes, this post is all about a rant that I have with our society. Keep reading, or don’t, but I suspect I am not the only one and I want you to know that you aren’t the only one.

Flowers. Chocolate. Fancy dates. Surprise deliveries. Expensive jewelry. Money.

I don’t want any of that because of some date on the calendar that has morphed from the original intention of honoring a person, or something. That’s the thing, who the fuck even know’s the true reason of Valentine’s Day? I am willing to bet that 90 to 99 percent of my generation does not. Even the Encyclopedia Britannica indicates there is conflicting information. What it does say is:

The holiday has origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, held in mid-February. The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery. At the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I replaced Lupercalia with St. Valentine’s Day. It came to be celebrated as a day of romance from about the 14th century.

After that, Encyclopedia Britannica goes on to explain that there are many accounts of where the day may have taken its name from. It goes on to say when Valentine’s cards were first given out and it’s been a really long time. Like hundreds of years.

I don’t care how long it has been. I still feel like our current society puts so much pressure on everybody to take part in this day. Some people ask if my distaste in the day is because I’ve never received good Valentine’s gifts. No, no it is not. I hate being forced to do things and spend money because everybody does it. I could go into a rant on many other holidays, but I will spare you.

When my husband and I first started dating, I told him not to get me anything. The first year his mother convinced him to even though I said no. If I recall he chose yellow roses to meet me and his mother in the middle. Okay, that works. Since then, he hasn’t done anything and I am happy about it. Prices on everything gets stupid and I don’t want to spend money on it. There are plenty other things we can and probably will buy that is overpriced. One thing he does tend to do after Valentine’s, depending on what day of the week Valentine’s falls on and what our schedules are, is go to Costco and buy the much discounted Stargazer Lily’s for me since that is my favorite flower. I’m okay with that, even if the quality of the flowers aren’t perfect because they’ve sat there longer.

If you don’t like Valentine’s Day, then don’t do it! You do you and don’t give a fuck what society says.

I was more than happy to have a work trip that brought me home late on Valentine’s Day. No need to do anything special, I don’t celebrate this one by spending gobs of money.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?