Last week, I briefly explained something that I want to walk through in more detail with you now. I started a thought by saying, “here’s what I need to do.” I immediately realized I was contradicting myself from a conversation that I had had just a few days before writing that post. I am starting to feel very strongly about the way we as a collective use the word need.Read More
I feel like there is a stigma around the topic of having multiple personalities depending on our situation. As you heard that, I bet you thought of the mental health definition of multiple personality disorder, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is the difference between our personality with one group of people or person compared to our personality with another person or group of people.Read More
Have you heard the statement that you should find your niche and only focus on one thing? It sits at the back of my mind in everything I do. But I simply can’t focus on one thing. I’m ambitious. I’m multi-passionate. There isn’t just one thing that I do or one hobby that lights my fire. There are multiple and I simply refuse to choose just one. So, what does that mean for my time allocation? How do I find balance for everything?Read More
You’ve got to find balance in all that you do! Ha, balance is a myth that somebody came up with. Balance is not something I think any of us should be striving for.
Since I opened the door to talking about mental health, I want to continue on that theme and talk about fear, specifically, my fear of the unknown. In his paper published in ScienceDirect titled Fear of the unknown: One fear to rule them all?, R. Nicholas Carleton defines the fear of the unknown as “an individual’s propensity to experience fear caused by the perceived absence of information at any level of consciousness or point of processing”. Why do I want to talk about this? Because it is something that triggers my anxiety and I’m sure it also affects some of you in one way or another.
I recently realized that I was experiencing my fear of the unknown and challenged myself to push against it. I am a beginner with landscape photography, but when I’m in nature experiencing it, I love taking pictures of scenes that nourish my soul. Someday I would love to be good enough to sell some of my photography. But I can’t do that if I don’t get out into nature to take the pictures to edit. Once it dawned on me that I need to get outdoors more to get better at taking pictures, I set a goal to go into nature at least one day per month every month of the year. I know that when it is warm enough to camp again, I will be taking more, but during the winter, I don’t get out much.
The first weekend I set that I was going to go out, I didn’t because it was supposed to be overcast. I used the clouds as an excuse instead of a feature in whatever pictures I could have taken. The second weekend in January that I said I was going, I woke up and decided that I wasn’t going to go because it was partly cloudy. There was that excuse again.
Those aren’t the only times I’ve made excuses to not get my ass into nature and enjoy the beauty that lights my soul on fire. It happens all of the time. Getting into nature isn’t the only thing I’ve made excuses for lately either. It happens for stupid shit around the house and for things as simple as taking the dogs for a walk.
As I was laying in bed telling myself that it was okay that I didn’t go out into the cold for pictures of things I didn’t know I would encounter in cloudy conditions I realized what the real issue was. I was running into my fear of the unknown. I immediately identified it as anxiety, but I wasn’t getting the typical anxiety response that I get. It was fear of not knowing what I would encounter or experience or fully knowing how I was getting to the place I had an idea of going.
Fear of the unknown is a real thing that we experience. Sometimes it leads to more intense anxiety responses such as panic attacks. R. Nicholas Carleton posited that fear of the unknown is a fundamental fear. So how do we manage this fundamental fear? R. Nicholas Carleton didn’t provide specific things to help, but I can tell you what helped me that morning I was giving into a cloudy day.
The first thing I had to do was identify what was happening, and I did. The next thing I did was run through the what-if’s. What if you don’t go? What if you do go? What if you don’t find what you are looking for? What if you find more than you are looking for? What if it is crowded? What if you are the only person there? What if getting up and going this one time gives me the confidence to go next month or even next weekend?
I ran through the what-ifs and realized that all I was doing was holding myself back. And so I made a deal with myself. I told myself that if I get up and do my meditating and journaling and then go, I can stop and get an Americano on the way out. It was a simple cheap thing that I rewarded myself with for pushing past the fear.
I had to challenge myself. I am competitive and a little competition with myself made my plans happen. And the best reward of it all was getting an absolutely beautiful sunrise and being able to play with settings and my drone. I realized on my way home that I’ve been succumbing to my fear of the unknown for quite some time. It’s with stupid little things like walking our two dogs by myself. Or doing something without my husband. I actually think I’ve become kind of codependent. That’s neither here nor there though. I’ve succumbed to my fear of the unknown with other things like reaching out to people to have different conversations that we normally do or reaching out to family members that make no effort to reach out to me.
My fear of the unknown holds me back. It held me back for almost a year with starting my podcast. I was afraid of what I didn’t know about how to create and post a podcast. Of course, I’m also afraid of failure, but that is a secondary fear for me.
What unknowns are you letting your fear hold you back from? Have you identified them? Are you open to identifying them? Why not?
Open your mind and start figuring out what is holding you back. If it is your fear of the unknown, then start with my what-if questions, see if those help you. If you are truly paralyzed by your fear or resulting anxiety, please ask for help. You are not alone and there are things you can do to overcome your fear. It can be done, little by little.
I was recently browsing a Facebook group for a couple of different inspirational influencers that I follow and I was shocked at the hate that people were laying down for other people. It’s as though these people expected the influencer that they follow to stay in the lane that brought them to the influencer. My gut reaction was that I wanted to defend the influencer and tell them how rude they are being. Then I realized a couple of different things.More
Hello, my Imperfect Warriors!
Welcome to January!!
Even though things are still not back to the normal we once knew, doesn’t it feel good to start a new year? Remember, you don’t need a new year, but there is definitely an awesome feeling to one.More
I have lived within my thoughts all of my life. My thoughts ran and at some points, ruined my life. We have been programmed without even knowing it and that programming turns into our thoughts, both unconscious and conscious. These thoughts are what contributes to how we act, our anxiety, our depression, and what we pursue.
Kara Loewentheil teaches about thought work and how to differentiate your conscious from unconscious thoughts while being able to release their hold on us. From her, I have learned how to take a step back and really review the thoughts that are hurting me.
Kara recommends taking time each day to simply write, with or without intention. When you write out the thoughts that are stuck in your head, you get to see them on paper where you can review and analyze them. When the thoughts are stuck in your head, analysis isn’t as easy. The process of getting our thoughts onto paper and analyzing them gives us a degree of separation. When we are observing our thoughts purely in our mind, there is no separation. When we put them onto paper, we are able to separate our thoughts from ourselves.
Kara said, ” Your brain doesn’t know how to stop thinking something. You have to give it something else to think instead.”
By putting our thoughts on paper and then analyzing them, we are able to give our brain a different perspective to think about. We are able to use the analytical part of our brain on the thought rather than just the emotional part. The ability to analyze our thoughts isn’t something that comes easily. This is a practice we must adopt.
After I listened to a training and a few podcasts from Kara, I implemented a half-ass version of her recommendations. Even with doing my half-assed version, I have been able to process my thoughts better and analyze why I’m so pissed off or hurt about situations. I have been able to identify that some situations that I’m ruminating over are really not about me at all. I was able to realize that the lay-off I went through had nothing to do with me. Nothing. It wasn’t a reflection on my efforts in my role at all. I’ve been able to look back and see thoughts that were negative and harming me and where they were coming from.
To be honest, I haven’t done my thought work daily and that’s okay. I do sit down to work on my thoughts any time I have an overwhelming or negative thought. I make sure that if I am hurt or pissed off about something, I do at least my half-assed version. Why? Because if I don’t, those thoughts will run my day or my life and may even ruin a good thing.
I’m not perfect in my thought work and I still have a lot of work to do. What I can tell you is that this practice is worth it and just might change your life or release some of that anxiety you are feeling.
Here are a couple of Kara’s recommended steps and questions to use.
1. Set a daily time on your calendar for 5 minutes (Yup, all she recommends to start with is 5 minutes!!)
2. Just write until the 5-minute timer goes off.
Questions to use:
1. When did the thought occur?
2. What was happening?
3. What is the exact thought I’m having right now about this?
Kara recommends getting concrete and specific. I recommend adding another question to ask: Is this thought coming from a place of fear? If so, what is the underlying fear?
When doing thought work, you will start to get really familiar with what your negative thoughts are and where they are coming from. This will give you specific areas that you can work on through your personal growth journey. By doing this thought work, you will be able to realize what thoughts are holding you back from releasing the anxiety you are experiencing.
One last question to ask yourself, “What would it feel like to show up and feel absolutely confident about yourself?”