Boundaries

Life without boundaries is a difficult life to live. I only set a few boundaries in my life before a couple of years ago. Those boundaries were removing toxic people from my life that had been toxic for many years. But I had no other boundaries.

With being an introvert, I need boundaries so I can recharge and take care of myself. Boundaries aren’t only meant to be set to keep toxic people away, they also need to be set so you can take care of yourself. In times like we are currently living through right now, we need to be even more vigilant about our boundaries.

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I Have Got to Recharge

I am one who needs to recharge frequently. Whether it be simply from working five days a week or because I’ve been around a lot of people, I need time to get my mind right. Now, let me tell you what ‘getting my mind right’ really means for me.

It means a couple of things. First, for me it means releasing all of the thoughts and focus I’ve exerted. This usually comes after a week or few of work, or after a conference. I end up mentally exhausted and need time to clear my mind and do things that refresh me. Sometimes it is nothing but reading or watching TV. Sometimes it is mowing the lawn or reorganizing something, and boy have I been doing a lot of reorganizing lately. Sometimes I need to walk outside or be in nature.

The second thing ‘getting my mind right’ means for me is that I need to decompress from so many stimulants. When I’m around a lot of people for a any period of time, I get drained. Just traveling for work drains me, but the flights to and from are recharging for me. I know, that’s weird. If we have big groups of our local family and friends for a good day of barbecuing, I need time to recharge. Even our annual trip back to New Mexico for Christmas over-stimulates me and I need time to recharge. Those first few hours on the road back while Eddie is sleeping, yeah those are peaceful and wonderful. Even when driving in snow.

Why don’t I just avoid what over-stimulates me? Because I don’t want to. Life, for me, isn’t about avoiding what over-stimulates me. Life is about balance. Even though I might be over-stimulated, I still am most likely enjoying myself. I can be over-stimulated and happy at the same time. I can be over-stimulated and having a great fucking time. Being over-stimulated doesn’t always mean something isn’t good for you. Except drugs, those stimulants are always bad for you.

Needing to recharge is something that every person should balance with everyday life. Life comes at us fast and doesn’t always make sense (uh hello, we are living through a pandemic right now). Living life today means working, sometimes really long hours, taking care of not only ourselves, but also family members of all ages and pets, and possibly trying to enjoy some hobbies. Hobbies can be recharging. Work can be recharging. Family can be recharging. But for some, these can all be truly amazing things that just drain the energy from a person.

I am that person. I enjoy my work, spending time with family and friends, and all of my little hobbies. But that doesn’t mean that sometimes, and quite frequently, I need time to decompress and recharge. There is nothing wrong with needing to recharge. In fact, if you say you are taking care of yourself first but you don’t give yourself time to recharge, you truly are not taking care of yourself. You know, in my opinion. Recharging doesn’t have to be a week off of work. It doesn’t have to be leaving the kids behind for a weekend or more while you go off on some retreat. I mean, it could, but recharging doesn’t have to be some grand event.

Recharging looks different to everyone and for me, it looks different every week. Some weeks recharging is simply taking some time to walk the dogs after dinner each night. Sometimes it is reading some fiction fantasy book. Sometimes it is having the house to myself for hours or days at a time. My body and my soul usually tells me what I need. If I listen, I feel so much better. If I don’t listen, I get more and more overwhelmed and over-stimulated until I listen.

Recharging isn’t a bad thing. Being an empath and needing to recharge doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. You do you and take care of yourself first. I am.

Why Are There So Many People

I hate crowds. HATE crowds. In any situation. For many different reasons. Crowds stress me out and ruin my mood. It doesn’t matter if the crowd is the crowds at the mall, in the mountains, or large family gatherings. Crowds are not for me.

I used to think this was just a factor of being introverted. I believe, and I haven’t researched this, that many introverts are also empaths. I am both. I am an introvert and an am empath. I believe both prefer to avoid crowds.

Crowds drain me. It’s like they suck all of my energy out of me without me being able to control it. After being in or near crowds, I need to be alone. It makes life difficult around holidays or when camping in busy times. Going shopping, grocery or for “fun”, is difficult too. Hiking is miserable when other people are on the trail. Conferences are two-fold for me.

I cannot define how many people determines a crowd to me as it varies based on the day. Sometimes a crowd is as simple as just a few people hanging out. Most of the time, it is anything that most people would say is a small group. All of the time, it is mass quantities of people in one location.

No matter the occasion, as the volume of the group goes up, my energy and ability to function in the group goes down. I think that there is a part of this that has nothing to do with being an empath or being introverted. I can hear everything and I am always tuned in to everything going on around me. When there are a lot of conversations or a lot of people doing things, my senses and my brain absorb all of it. No matter how much I try, I cannot figure out how to shut this off. Hell, meditation in my nerd nook in my office can be difficult depending on the dogs moving around, people staying with us, or merely the sounds coming from the windows at 5:30 am.

When I know I’m going to be around large crowds, or crowds in general, I’ve learned to try to plan time to desensitize and recharge. I haven’t mastered it around holidays when we are visiting family because I am also contending with my need to make sure I’m not being too rude by taking time to be by myself, but I do plan around the trip. I have learned that for almost any vacation, I need to take time to recharge once we get home before jumping back into work. I always plan BBQs on Friday or Saturday, or on Sunday when it is a holiday three-day weekend. I used to do this to make sure I had a recovery day from drinking, but now I continue so I can recharge after having people over.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our family and friends. I love hosting for people to come over. I love seeing our nieces and nephews. But I also get physically and emotionally drained by it. The key for me, whether I’m an empath or an introvert, or just me, is to plan around crowds. If I plan for time to recharge after being around a crowd of any size, then I can handle crowds more often. If I don’t plan, my over-stimulation takes over and my emotions and reactions become a damn mess. Just another reason I plan pretty much everything about my life.