A few years ago I was part of a group that was all about productivity, growth, and success. One of the things they shared quite frequently was about how we should focus less on the negative things in life. I brought that into my life and practiced it for a while, except when I got drunk. But then I grew away from that group and shrugged my shoulders and thought I could focus on the positive while also allowing complaining and negativity back into my life. And I did, for a while. Until I realized that I was more stressed and had a more negative outlook on life than I liked.more
Our problems can either be a speed bump or they can rule everything about our lives. Talking about them continuously can and will determine our outlook on life. Today I talk about what I’m doing to overcome talking about problems.
My journey to self-love and healing has involved a lot of changes to how I speak. Not only to others, but to myself. Most importantly to myself. How I speak to myself has been absolutely shitty for most of my life. I most definitely cannot say I have perfectly corrected how I speak to myself, but I can say I am getting better.
The biggest improvement I’ve made in how I speak to myself is around my weight and how I look. I quite frequently told myself how fucking ugly I am and how disgusting I am because I have cellulite, flabby arms, and a bit of a gut. I am not a size 2 anymore. Even when I was a size 2, I still told myself how fat I was.
It’s been a couple of years since I was a size 2 and I couldn’t work out hard enough to get to that point again even if I wanted to. To be fair, size doesn’t actually matter. Especially because I’m anywhere between a size 6 and size 14 depending on the brand. Over these couple of years, I have been up and down in how I talk to myself.
In the past couple of months, I have made big strides in how I speak to myself about my weight. What changed? Honestly, the inputs I have in my life. I have been seeking out and following models who are not perfect in societies eyes. In fact, some of them are models but show through their accounts how models move and pose to hide all of the things that we are told are ugly. I’ve also hung out with friends at the pool who are just like me, real women with our own perfectly imperfect bodies.
When we think about how we speak to ourselves, we also need to look at all of the inputs we have in our day-to-day lives. Who are you following? What message are they sharing? Are they sharing realistic messages?
As you speak to yourself, ask, have you been speaking out of love or out of hate? If it is out of hate, what are you telling yourself? Why are you sharing that hate with yourself? Where does the hate come from? If you’ve been speaking out of love, ask yourself how you can love yourself more.
Like Brené said, talk to yourself like you would talk to someone that you love. Love yourself first, even if you don’t like everything about yourself.