NQTD

When you make a decision, how often do you question it? Are you like me and question most decisions you make? No? Okay, well maybe this isn’t for you then. Yes? Oh then stay tuned.

Why do we question decisions?

I have learned that I question my decisions because I haven’t trusted myself. It’s a sad realization and a challenging one to overcome. It isn’t as easy as just starting to trust myself. There is work to be done to figure out why I don’t trust myself. Then there is work to start trusting myself, one decision at a time. Then there is the work to stop questioning the decisions I make.

I’ve done a lot of this work without realizing I’ve been doing it. In fact, I didn’t realize it until I heard of NQTD. I honestly can’t remember where I heard it, but I wrote it down. I knew this would make a huge difference in how I continue to grow. What is NQTD?

Never. Question. The. Decision.

I chose to eat that cupcake, don’t question the decision.

I chose not to get on the treadmill, don’t question the decision.

I chose to sit on my ass and binge on TV instead of writing or recording a video, don’t question the decision.

I chose to go out even those I didn’t want to, don’t question the decision.

Get the point?

As you start to trust yourself more and more, stop questioning decisions. No, it’s not easy to remember to not question things. If you can start with just one decision, start with not questioning just one decision today. It doesn’t matter what the decision is, just choose one.

Here are some steps that can help you work through why you might be questioning the decision:

  1. Stop yourself in your tracks
  2. Identify the decision you are questioning in detail
  3. Identify what feelings are attached to the questioning of the decision
  4. Write out or think through how it relates to trusting yourself
  5. Write out or think through what would happen if you didn’t question the decision
  6. Seriously, what is the absolute worst that can possibly happen?
  7. Now, stop questioning the fucking decision!!

If only point number seven was that easy, right?!

As you work through each decision that you question, it does become easier. It isn’t a quick process, but it is worth it.

I used to question simple things like telling someone within our family about something in my life, answering a coworker about what I did over the weekend, the food I was eating, or even the color I painted my toes. I look back and think that I started with the little decisions. Those were the easier ones to tell myself to stop questioning.

Something I do to help myself work on things is putting a wallpaper on my phone with a gentle, feeling generating reminder. Here is one to help you to stop questioning your decisions.

Give Your Trust Away

I’ve heard this from a couple of the mentors that I follow. Gary Vee and Trent Shelton say this over and over again. I have been doing this for most of my life without any though. It was only in the past couple of years that I started to pull back on giving my trust away. I was tired of giving it away and getting rolled over. But there is a balance that can be had. A balance that I’m learning.

You see, when you give your trust away, you are open to wherever the relationship may go. When you give your trust away, you aren’t putting arbitrary limits on relationships. When you give your trust away, you aren’t bringing baggage to a relationship from a different relationship. You are starting fresh.

When I started to hold back on giving my trust away, I was bringing hurt and baggage from previous relationships to a new one without ever giving the new one a shot. I started resurrecting walls for people I didn’t even know. I started holding more things in again. I stopped sharing as much. I withheld trust, I withheld information, I withheld love, I withheld opportunities because of the baggage I was bringing.

Each time you withhold trust from a new relationship, you are dumping your baggage into that relationship. You are making it messy before there is ever the possibility of an amazing connection.

I keep referring to relationships in this conversation about trust, because we trust is about you and someone else. It could be about a situation, but most situations involve people. Most trust baggage involves people. People create situations. People are who we either trust or don’t.

I met some of my closest friends about five years ago. I didn’t freely give my trust away. I have been guarded. It has taken me five years to start releasing baggage from other relationships and start leaning into trust with these friends. It has only been in the past few months that I’ve even shared this website or my desire to become a life coach with them. I didn’t trust them.

You know why? Because I brought baggage from other relationships into these relationships. I was afraid of what they would say, I was afraid they wouldn’t want to be my friend, I was afraid they would think I was stupid, all because of situations with other people I gave my trust away to. I gave them pieces of trust through the years, more and more each year, when I wish I had given them all of my trust in the beginning.

Withholding trust doesn’t just affect personal relationships, it affects career relationships too. It can hold you back in your career because you are withholding trust from previous situations. Your previous boss was a dick? Yeah, not going to be fully open with the new boss until I feel him/her out. Bad move. Your previous coworkers kept you at an arm’s length? Not going to get too close to any coworkers at the new place. Bad move, that wasn’t about you, it was about them. The culture at your last job was tumultuous, at best. Not going to lean into the new culture until you can feel it out. Bad move. Jump in and be yourself.

The more we hold back our trust, the more we hold back who we are, the more we limit ourselves. Stop holding back, stop guarding your trust. It’s easy to take your trust back once it has been broken. It’s not easy to remove the baggage of not trusting.

Give your trust away and you will be amazed and the relationships you can and will form. Personally and professionally.