Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs have plagued my life for as long as I can remember. The difference between now and the past is that I actually know what limiting beliefs are and how to identify them. The problem today is whether or not I stop long enough to check-in with myself to identify the limiting beliefs floating through my mind.

No matter how much I learn about identifying and overcoming limiting beliefs, I still run into times when I have a light bulb moment and realize that I’ve been living through a season of believing one limiting belief or another. This happened to me recently and I want to share with you what I did once I identified it.

I say it, but actually there are a couple of limiting beliefs that I identified I was believing around the same time. One in my current profession and one for this website and my goals for it. I first identified my limiting belief with Failing Imperfectly.

I’ve been holding myself back in what I share and how I grow this website and the Failing Imperfectly YouTube. Why? A myriad of reasons. Mostly starting with fears that I’m not good enough yet. Yep, I still battle those fears. The fear of not being good enough yet spawns into the fear that I’m not qualified yet. Those two fears grouped together are why I haven’t grown Failing Imperfectly into what I want it to be.

I have kept my website limited and I’ve sure as hell limited my interactions with YouTube. I’ve kept telling myself that I can’t say this or that and that I can’t produce free downloads or programs because I am not far enough along in my own journey and because I have not been through a coach certification program yet.

I sat down to finish uploading a couple of free resources that I made based on one of my first YouTube videos and realized I really didn’t like my website. Why? Because I kept it very basic and refrained from making statements about what the website is about. I was trying to dabble in two completely different directions that didn’t compliment each other. I didn’t want to say that I was here to offer advice because I have not yet done a certification program. I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t feel qualified. But you know what? I have been misleading myself because I want to be out here inspiring you through real life examples of overcoming all of these challenges I keep sharing, but I didn’t want to consider my learning experiences worthy of being considered advice.

Yes, there are qualification programs for coaches and yes, I will probably participate in one or more in the future. But that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I know I can do today. What can I do? Take everything I learn from other coaches, from my mentors, and share it with you as I apply it to my life. As I learn, I also develop my own methods. I can share those with you. My limiting beliefs had me stuck in a hamster wheel spinning about adding only a small amount of value to your life. The only way I’m going to continue to improve is by doing what I do now and pushing into what I envision at the same time. I don’t need any specific certification to add value to your life by sharing mine and how I overcome challenges.

The second limiting belief I identified was after I had the above realization. I’ve been paranoid about being good enough for the role I have at work and being dedicated enough. Why good enough? I have absolutely no idea. I know I am good enough, even if I have things to learn to be an expert in my role. Dedicated enough? That comes from the current situation with everybody working from home and me not wanting to be seen as a slacker if I took a break. I do this with every job that I work from home with. It’s a recurring challenge for me. This time I identified it earlier.

How does this all connect? The limiting beliefs that I have been living through have been holding me back from the greatness I know I can achieve. How do I plan to overcome these limiting beliefs?

First, I updated my website and finally made some statements about what you will find here. I also uploaded some free resources that you can find here.

Second, I stoked the fire in me that wants to build this website into a coaching business. Yes, I dream of being a respected life coach. I don’t know if I want to be as well known as Rachel Hollis, but I’m not limiting myself to anything less than being a fucking awesome life coach.

And lastly, I need to take breaks while working because if I don’t, I burn out and produce shit for work. I have to take care of myself to be the best at anything I do.

YouTube Channel Has Launched!!!

Hello my Imperfect Warriors!!

I wanted to let you know that I have launched the Failing Imperfectly YouTube channel. I will be uploading one video per week and will have similar content to what you read here. Take a look and enjoy!

Have a great weekend!

Doubt Kills More Than Failure

All my life I have been afraid of failing. It has never been one thing specifically, rather, failing at anything and everything. The thing that I didn’t know and that you’ve probably heard over and over again, is that everyone who is successful has failed. They have failed repeatedly. Success doesn’t mean we don’t fail. Success means that we get back up after every failure and keep going.

The thing that leads to my fear of failure is doubt. I have doubted I would be good enough for pretty much all of my life. I doubted everything about myself. It’s a wonder I have continued to progress in my career with all of the doubts that I have had about my ability to be successful.

Doubt is defined as a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.

Doubt is what kills dreams.

Doubt has held me back from so many things. Until today, doubt held me back from branching out to YouTube. I doubted I would be able to edit a video. I doubted that I would be able to listen to myself and put myself out there in a video for all to see. Words are one thing. Video, now that’s a forbidden land.

But I am doing it. I have successfully edited my first video for YouTube. I will be posting it later this week and will continue to share my growth with you through video.

When we give in to doubt, we don’t even get close to achieving failure because we never start. We let that doubt steamroll us right into avoiding the thing that we might fail at. Doubt creeps upon us, fear takes over and we never take even a baby step.

How can we counteract doubt? By leaning into it. Ask yourself, ‘If I do ____, what is the worst that can happen? What is the best?’ List out all of the possibilities for both. Review the worst, then review the best. Do the best things that can happen outweigh the worst? Is the worst thing death? No? Alright, why the hell aren’t you moving towards that goal?

You think you might fail? You are doubting your ability to achieve even the smallest best thing that can happen? How are you ever going to know if you are going to fail if you don’t try?

Here is what I’m learning and leaning into: failure is good. No, actually, failure is fucking great. Failure is great because that means that I’m actually moving towards my goals and I’m doing. I am putting in the effort needed to get one step closer to my goal. If I fail, that means that I need to course correct and go down a different road. It doesn’t mean I need to stop everything I am doing.

Doubt tells us that if we aren’t successful right out of the gate then we are a failure. No. That is incorrect. How many people do you really think have succeeded at the very first attempt on their goal? Pilots can’t fly a giant commercial jet the first time they get in the cockpit. They have to go through hours and hours and hours of training in a simulator. Developers don’t sit down, write a bit of code and have a beautiful website or app the first time they attempt to run the code. They have to learn, tweak, and tweak some more to get it right. And then there still might be bugs.

This is my third or fourth attempt at a blog. I lost track because I gave in to doubt and wiped all of my posts away, multiple times. This isn’t my first attempt at growing mentally and emotionally. I fail over and over and over again.

I have a goal to stop giving in to my doubts. I need to lean into each one of them and explore why they are creeping in. Once I get over each doubt, I can move onto action and making shit happen. Doubt kills. Failure provides lessons.

You Don’t Need A New Year

wordswag_15755525478524432152845440884529.jpg

At one point in our life, we’ve all said it, “on January 1st, I’ll start making changes.” We might say that in December, or September, or May, or even February. We have this habit of putting off the changes we want or need to make in our life until that big date. Forget the, “I’ll start on Monday.” That is nothing compared to what we keep saying we will start on January 1st.

You know what happens? January 1st comes and goes and those changes are nowhere to be seen. It doesn’t have to just be about changes you want to make. It can be things we want to start working on. Our goals. Yes, the goals probably require changes, but we push off our goals for living in the here and now and not getting uncomfortable.

Why? Why do we do this? Because making changes or going after goals is uncomfortable. Staying exactly where we are. Staying in the pain or the shitty job or the habits we have now, that’s more comfortable than trying something new. Here’s the thing, you probably feel like you need these last few days, weeks, months to enjoy what you are thinking about giving up. You want to savor it just a little longer, then you’ll remove it from your life. Or, you don’t want to start reading those books, taking those classes, writing those posts, doing those videos, whatever, because you are afraid you are going to suck. So, you’ll wait until next year so you can learn more and start with a bang.

Guess what? I seriously just said this to one of my friends in the last week. In fact, this is exactly what I said:

“I want to be able to plan out my blog posts better, then start adding in YouTube”
“I have to get way more consistent with my time too”

Let me take you back a step. I had been thinking that for soooo long, but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to tell anyone what I wanted to do because I didn’t want anyone to judge it. I didn’t want to hear their opinions yet. I thought all of other people’s opinions about me doing videos would be negative. But I took a small chance when we were talking about her videos. We were talking about recording YouTube videos on our phones. I opened the door by saying that I’d probably use my phone. I opened the door for her opinion. I didn’t even think about it. But you know what? Her opinion was something that I hadn’t expected.

“please tell me you’re going to do videos”

That’s what she told me. Her opinion is one that I’ve really come to value and I was afraid to mention it. For what? Why was I afraid? I have no idea. I think fear in general.

That fear is what has prompted me for months to delay starting a YouTube channel to compliment this blog until next year. I didn’t even say January 1st. I said next year. Next year is 366 days in 2020. That is a lot of year to delay my goal to.

It was so open-ended because I didn’t want to put a timeline on me getting my shit together. I didn’t want to start now because I didn’t feel confident that I even knew what my message would be. Shit, I can barely keep a consistent schedule on doing Instagram stories.

I don’t have to be consistent to begin. I don’t have to have it all figured out to start. The only thing that I need to start is sitting my ass down and doing it.

I don’t need a new year. You don’t need a new year. What do you want to change about your life? What goals do you want to reach for?

Let me tell you what I normally would say I’d start on January 1st:

  1. Ditching the unhealthy carbs that slowly crept back into my diet
  2. Walking enough each day that my hips and back feel good
  3. Drinking the green tea
  4. Doing the thought work
  5. Cutting out the spending on random Americano runs

I have implemented all of those in my life. I am using today to be healthier and reach some of my goals. Now, I just have to keep using today to start on the other goals that I have been delaying for no reason other than fear.

What are you delaying until next year? Why?